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Children of the Corn (1984)

Rate: 2
Viewed: 10/04, 7/12

ChCo1
7/12: The first moment I saw Courtney Gains' face in Children of the Corny, I knew I was in deep trouble.

I still remember the other film when he was pretending to be a gangbanger. But really, the worst actor of the show is John Franklin as Isaac. More often than not, his mouth would be frothing while spitting out the damning words in a quaint manner. I can't help but find him hysterically funny.

Some moments, especially Courtney Gains' "outlander" screams, are pure comedy gold. How about Burt? For a medical doctor, he's sure dumb. When you go into a town that's completely barren and see only kids running around, it's not hard to put two and two together within a few minutes.

The phone line is dead because the café is abandoned along with the town hall, police station, etc. Yet Burt keeps walking around in search of a working phone. I want to grab him by the labels and tell him, "Forget the fucking phone! Just drive on to the next town already." If he finds one that works, what good will it do?

An annoying trait in horror films is when the characters decide to split up. This decision always dooms the individuals because they have a better chance of survival by staying together. This is what happened with Burt and Vicky. What's the purpose? And why?

Also, when Burt finds Sarah in the house, what he should have done is ask her a lot of questions. Yet Burt gives up after a few and leaves the house to look for *gasp* a working phone! Later, he enters a church before witnessing an impending ritual sacrifice. Thereafter, he's stabbed in the chest by a crazed girl who wields a good six-inch blade which should have punctured his lung. Yet Burt manages to overcome it and has plenty of energy to perform heavy duty work afterwards. Why...he must be a superman after all.

If a person can't see beyond rows of cornstalks, he should get on top of the car roof. A house or a barn will do, too. But walking to the middle of the corn field to get the desired effect is obviously not going to work! On the other hand, the plot isn't possible because all towns are interconnected. Drifters, especially truck drivers, come and go through them. Folks have out-of-town relatives. The state comptroller monitors the funding that towns receive and checks if the money has been spent or not. So, no...I'm not buying the whole thing.

All in all, Children of the Corny isn't a horror film by any means.