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Cleopatra (1963)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
10/12
10/12:
Congratulations, Cleopatra, for holding the distinction of the longest movie I've ever seen in my life.
Anyway...wow, that was long, and I'm trying to get over it. Although Cleopatra has been universally
panned by critics and filmgoers alike, I have to say it's not bad. Elizabeth Taylor is decent, but the rest of
the cast is too theatrical for my taste. Just tone it down, please. At the same time, the script is
somewhat incomprehensible and needs to be clarified more, so I can understand what's going on.
The biggest issue is the lack of emotional attachment among the characters. I mean, what do I care if some have died?
What do I know about them? Rome is in danger? Who cares? Rome eventually fell, but so what? Who cares about the
Romans? Egypt is a force to be reckoned with? Who cares? I don't care about all of that stuff. What's different about
Lawrence of Arabia is it made me care about the characters, thanks to the power of the Arabia conflict and the
desert. Take Ben-Hur. It was a triumph for Judah Ben-Hur to overcome the impossible odds which demonstrated his
character. Hence, the chariot race was an unbelievable spectacle. But Cleopatra, where's all of that? Hence, I feel
nothing.
At any rate, it deserves an Oscar for Best Cinematography because it's spectacular. In fact, the winningest feature is
Elizabeth Taylor's breasts. Every scene has her showing lots of cleavage, and her breasts are rock-hard in a shapely form.
Maybe the film is about her breasts after all, huh? Maybe they ought to re-title it as Cleobreastra, so
the confusion can be out of the way.
Historically speaking, most of what's shown is false. As for Cleopatra's facial appearance, she was a plain-looking, perhaps
ugly, woman who had the nose of a witch. It's still a matter of debate among historians, and we'll never know because she
lived more than 2,000 years ago. During the final scene, I thought Elizabeth Taylor would be naked from the waist above, as
the legend goes, prior to being bitten by an asp to recreate Cleopatra's suicide. Nope...it didn't happen this way.
All in all, Cleopatra is a very, very long movie that forced my eyes to work harder than they need to.