On C List of Movie Reviews

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Clue (1985)

Rate: 1
Viewed: 4/05, 9/07

Clue
9/07: Dang...how bad is Clue?

It's about a fine board game that's shamed to smithereens. In fact, the title should be changed to The Colleen Camp's Breasts Show because that's what the movie is all about. Sadly, the filmmakers forgot the board game was meant to be family fun by opting for the overly sexist tone. So, what went wrong? Well, it begins with the characters.

First of all, I can't tell the difference between Miss Scarlett and Mrs. White. Ironically, I thought Colleen Camp was Mrs. White, but she's not and is rather Yvette the maid (Uh, who? Was she in the game at all?).

Second, why isn't Professor Plum wearing something purple? That being said, Colonel Mustard is almost the only character who fits the correct description.

Third, why is Wadsworth in the movie? There were seven characters, with another dead, in the board game. But no, it must go further to introduce a billion of other people who weren't associated with the game in the first place.

Fourth, Tim Curry should've never appeared in the movie, having almost single-handedly ruined it.

Now, what's with the ending? Do you honestly believe Rocky would have won Best Picture if it had three different endings? I can envision them as follows:

1. Rocky gets the girl after the fight.
2. Rocky wins the fight, and the girl runs to him.
3. Rocky gets beat to a pulp, and Apollo Creed gets his girl.

What's supposed to be a simple murder mystery game, The Colleen Camp's Breasts Show manages to go off the cliff by including government and sex secrets. Unsuprisingly, it was a miserable failure at the box office in 1985 but has been more appreciated by the moviegoers (please read that as "sheep") nowadays.

All in all, The Colleen Camp's Breasts Show isn't Clue in any way, shape, or form.