On C List of Movie Reviews
(For optimum viewing, adjust the zoom level of your browser to 125%.)
Contact (1997)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
4/04, 7/25
7/25:
I hate Jodie Foster and don't want to look at her face constantly for more than five minutes, let alone two
and half hours.
Therefore, Contact sucks. What a pointless story as well. After all the work and $500+ billion spent
on the space crap, I'm left with a congressional hearing that determined what Jodie "I'm So Goddamn Important"
Foster had was a simple case of hallucination. Oh, man...give me
The Day the Earth Stood Still,
Close Encounters of the Third Kind, or 2001: A Space Odyssey
over this crap anytime of the day. In fact, I don't understand why aliens bothered contacting the human race
given how stupid it is.
Palmer Joss...I bet he loves his name so much. What a hypocrite, and what an embarrassing performance for
Matthew McConaughey. He's no man of the cloth but a fraud. Somebody needs to remind Palmer that he once had a
night of fornication in Puerto Rico with Jodie "I'm So Beautiful" Foster who's actually gay! I wonder how many
such experiences it's been for him before then and also after. How is believing in God relevant in terms of who
gets to go to outer space? Was Neil Armstrong even asked that? As a matter of fact, he was never religious.
Speaking of the initial contact, where did the plans to build a revolutionary spacecraft come from? The aliens,
of course. Shouldn't that be evidence enough? Ah...how about doing the space launch again separately for four
individual astronauts and confirming what each experienced? Or is the United States going to dump the thing
in Japan and move on?
I love how James Woods came down hard on Jodie "I Can Make Very Serious Faces" Foster but fell short of
saying, "You stupid lying whore." Ironically, if the contact never happened, she planned to waste all of her
life and everybody else's money by listening to crap in outer space. Imagine that. My other favorite moment is
when Jodie "My Blue Eyes Are Special" Foster thought she would walk to the podium but got stopped cold when
Tom Skerritt was called instead. Too funny.
Remember the rubbish speech that Jodie "I'm So Brilliant" Foster made: "You know, there are four hundred billion
stars out there, just in our galaxy alone. If only one out of a million of those had planets, all right, and
if just one out of a million of those had life, and if just one out of a million of those had intelligent life,
there would be literally millions of civilizations out there."? I actually did the math, and her calculation
turns out to be dead wrong as the answer is *drum roll* 4x10-10 or 0.0000000004 of a civilization.
It's possible that my opinion would be different had Helen Hunt been cast instead of Jodie "I'm the
Chosen One" Foster. But the movie overall isn't that good as people think. In fact, it's a whole lot of nothing
on top of the disgusting sights of Bill Clinton and CNN. At the same time, the special effects are poor. When
Jodie "I'm So Fucking Smart" Foster landed on the other side, it felt like an excuse to insert imagery
masturbation. By the way, sending a female up in outer space to embark on a completely new mission will
never happen.
All in all, to paraphrase the father, Contact is an awful waste of time.