On C List of Movie Reviews

(For optimum viewing, adjust the zoom level of your browser to 125%.)



Cujo (1983)

Rate: 2
Viewed: 4/08

Cujo
4/08: My goodness, it's just a freaking Saint Bernard!

Dee Wallace, a veteran of the horror genre, comes back for another stab. This time, it's called Cujo which is based on a novel by Stephen King. With the exception of a few stories, they've hardly translated into successful movies because either the production values are bad or the storyline is stupid. For Cujo, it's been the latter.

When I saw the dog, I said to myself, "Okay, it's a Saint Bernard, so what?" Initially, I thought it's going to be a Doberman Pinscher or a Rottweiler. But a Saint Bernard? Shit, man...everybody knows they're among the friendliest dogs.

Now, I don't know about you, but when it comes to identifying the true villain, it's been a toss-up between the Ford Pinto, which is the worst car ever made in the history of automobiles, and Danny Pintauro. Having said that, the movie should be called I'm Stuck in a Crappy Ford Pinto with Crybaby Danny Pintauro While I'm Being Terrorized by a Rabid Saint Bernard. Honestly, I felt bad for Cujo but not the others.

The family should've spotted the bleeding on the dog's nose and took him to the vet. Based on how he looked, I wonder if there was animal abuse going on during the making of the film. I wouldn't be surprised if Danny Pintauro confessed that he became homosexual after going through the horrifying, traumatizing experience when he saw the abused dog taking revenge on him.

All in all, check out Cujo only if you want to see what a Ford Pinto looks like, but don't see it if you hate Danny Pintauro with intense passion.