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Desert Kickboxer (1992)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
6/11
6/11:
Desert Kickboxer is so bad that it's hilariously funny.
I can count more stupid moments than my fingers. They're as follows:
One, the corny mediation scene with Hawk, especially high up in the desert hills, is a comedy classic.
Two, Hawk's brother, Anthony, is shot in the chest right near the heart yet survives.
Three, Hawk says Anthony will be fine after being shot, and then, he makes a superficial medical examination
before concluding the bullet went in and out without a problem; afterwards, a bandana is applied on his chest to
stop the bleeding effortlessly.
Four, Hawk fails to work on Anthony's back where the bullet exited.
Five, after stealing the motorcycle, Hawk creates a makeshift stretcher to carry Anthony in the back despite
the bumpy ride.
Six, Hawk decides to take Anthony to his trailer but not to the hospital for professional
medical treatment, regardless of how much blood he has lost.
Seven, Claudia is nearly raped yet has sex with Hawk a few hours later.
Eight, Claudia feels nothing about her brother's predicament (some support she is) yet has sex with Hawk outside
his trailer in the middle of the desert.
Nine, if Hawk and Claudia are shown on the bed the next morning in his small trailer, where has Anthony, the
victim of a gunshot wound to the chest, slept?
Ten, Anthony sure looks healthy for somebody who's been shot in the chest.
Eleven, everybody appears clean, wearing pressed clothes, in the middle of the desert.
Twelve, if Hawk got shot in the head, shouldn't he be unconscious for a bit while?
Thirteen, finding groundwater which is muddy, it's clean and free of dirt by the time Hawk drinks it.
Fourteen, for somebody with a great-looking body, Hawk sure knows how to make do with no food.
Fifteen, after Santos dies of being shot and stabbed in the belly, he moves his foot while Hawk is embracing
Claudia. I guess he wasn't comfortable with playing dead for a minute.
Sixteen, no snakes, especially rattlesnakes, are found in the area.
Seventeen, all fight scenes are fake; not a single punch or kick connects.
Eighteen, John Newton, from Alive, has no genuine American Indian blood.
Is Desert Kickboxer meant to be an action-adventure picture or a comedy? I laughed so much throughout.
Nevertheless, I like the cast, especially Sam DeFrancisco as Anthony.
All in all, Desert Kickboxer is pure comedy gold.