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Die Another Day (2002)

Rate: 3
Viewed: 9/14

DieA
9/14: Die Another Day is the end of the line as far as I'm concerned with the James Bond franchise.

It's been a ridiculous run of twentysomething junk pictures, and I didn't enjoy most of them. This one finally crosses the line by going completely CGI while skipping the basics of what makes a motion picture watchable. What killed it for me is the invisible car during the deplorable title sequence while Madonna's song is playing in the background. Is it necessary to show a bullet going through the hole?

The final verdict is in: Pierce Brosnan is no James Bond. Halle Berry can be safely added to the long line of terrible Bond girls. Pray tell me, while wearing the two-bikini piece that's in the mold of Ursula Andress, what does she need the knife for? Okay, looking back at the franchise overall, I've made the following observations:

One, James Bond prefers his vodka martini shaken but not stirred, but it doesn't make a fucking difference either way!

Two, no matter how dire the situation is, James Bond always survives at the end of the day, hence the predictability of every...single...goddamn...film.

Three, it's a requirement for James Bond's nemeses to be from a nation that's not the United States or UK. The only exception is if they're traitors.

Four, James Bond is always shown how each gadget works at the beginning of every film that ends up being used. What are the odds?

Five, James Bond announces himself as a British spy every time, but is that blowing his cover? Please...define the word "spy" for me. "James Bond is here? Quick, kill him now" is what somebody should've said.

Six, the formula of all James Bond pictures has been exactly the same. So, guess what will happen in the next installment? And after that? And so on?

Seven, on June 4, 2003, the AFI released its list of 50 Greatest Heroes, and James Bond was voted third which brings up an interesting point. Given that AFI celebrates only American films, it selected an English character? And he's a hero? But to who? All James Bond does is fuck every pretty woman he sees.

Eight, for a change, here's something positive: I give props to the franchise for having the best opening title sequences. They're unique and unlike anything I've seen.

All in all, the rubbish is finally over, and now, my brain cells won't have to die another day en masse.