On H List of Movie Reviews

(For optimum viewing, adjust the zoom level of your browser to 125%.)


Hide and Seek (2005)

Rate: 2
Viewed: 11/08

HideS
11/08: Not only have I seen this a million of times, but I have also seen this a billion of times before.

Hide and Seek is the latest in the endless line of supernatural films which includes The Shining, The Sixth Sense, A Stir of Echoes, White Noise, The Ring, The Grudge, The Amityville Horror, I Know Who Killed Me, Godsend, Boogeyman, and Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2.

They all have the same thematic elements: there's a noise, it's hidden, it's invisible, it has a name, it takes at least one hour until the noise is identified, and when I see what it is, it turns out to be bullshit. There are three possible endings for such movies: it's an apparition because of some unsolved mystery, it's a monster that just likes to kill, and it's simply an illusion. This one falls in the third category.

That's not Robert De Niro in Hide and Seek. That's Bob De Niro, some fraud actor who sort of looks like him and is only there to collect a paycheck. Uh, remind me why is Elizabeth Shue's character, when she's around a kid, flashing her cleavage as much as possible? Maybe it's a device to keep me awake from time to time. Couple the boy from Godsend with Dakota Fanning, and they'll make a fine, fine pair as both are hideously ugly, pale-skinned, and annoying to no end.

All in all, Hide and Seek can still be found at the bottom of the barrel after it's been scraped so hard and there's almost nothing left.