On H List of Movie Reviews
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Hotel (2001)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
6/20
6/20:
It appears Mike Figgis made an announcement one day that he had a shitwad of money to blow, was going to make a fucking
stupid movie minus a script, and could get big-name actors to star in it.
Hence, the result is Hotel, an ungodly bad plotless soft porno that's sure to test anyone's patience to sit through it
from start to finish without a mental break. When I saw the abysmal video quality, I said to myself, "Oh, no...not another
Full Frontal." Indeed, it turns out to be exactly that, replete with close-ups of a flamenco dancer's feet, 4-in-1
split screen, and night vision (who the hell uses it except in action-adventure pictures?).
Yes, the movie is funny at first, thanks to Rhys Ifans and Julian Sands. John Malkovich has a couple of interesting scenes
right off the bat but abruptly disappears afterwards. Then, thirty minutes later, Rhys' character, Trent, is suddenly placed
out of commission. So, what gives, Mike? You just killed the goose that laid the golden egg.
Had Trent lived to the end, it would've been a laugh-a-thon; instead, I'm given the worst hour treatment
of pure mindless mumbo jumbo, save for Salma Hayek going crazy on the Asian female. Burt Reynolds (What the heck is he doing
in this artsy-fartsy flick? It's not his style. He must have been that broke!) appears for a minute or two, says one line,
and never comes back again.
Everybody will have exited the show with his or her reputation completely intact, but there's one actor who looks very bad:
David Schwimmer. I'll never forget the airhead moment that he had when he wore the stupid-looking yellow-tinted
glasses while performing a rubbish medical procedure for the funeral-like scene.
All in all, I've read plenty about Dogme 95 in film books, and Hotel is the number one reason why the movement should
be broken by the wheel, hanged, drawn, and quartered and burned at the stake.