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Julien Donkey-Boy (1999)

Rate: 2
Viewed: 9/21

JulienD
9/21: Now, this is what a shit film looks like.

I have read some books on cinema, and they usually finish with a chapter about Dogme 95. Rules are explained such as no special effects, any prop used coming from that location of the scene, and the usage of a hand-held camera at all times. The only conclusion I had come up with was: it's gonna be shit. Of course, the pretentious movement died young, resulting in thirty-five films from 1998 to 2005.

Julien Donkey-Boy is my first ever experience of Dogme 95. And...guess what? A lot of rules had been broken. For example, Chloë Sevigny was supposed to be pregnant and fell down, crushing her belly against the ice rink. Yet rule 6 says: "The film must not contain superficial action. (Murders, weapons, etc., must not occur.)" Well, if accidental death hadn't occurred, then the action was therefore superficial. Ewen Bremner, who plays Julien, isn't schizophrenic. I thought it was supposed to be real? Then, why not get somebody who is?

Harmony Korine had something good going in Kids and Gummo, and both films worked because the content was compelling. Julien Donkey-Boy is nothing like them and instead becomes a self-indulgent mess in the absence of a plot. Therefore, it's a torture to sit through the ninety-nine slow minutes of shitty images, nonsensical dialogue, and pointless scenes like the cigarette-eating trick by Tom Mullica.

All in all, Julien Donkey-Boy is telling me I'm so stupid that I should slap my own face repeatedly, wear a gas mask, and offer ten bucks to some random dude to wear a dress and dance with me.