On M List of Movie Reviews
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Mission: Impossible III (2006)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
5/06, 8/07, 1/17
5/06:
Mission: Impossible III is not the worst film I've seen, but it's pretty bad.
It's all about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Everything else in between is secondary. Philip Seymour Hoffman's
villainy is as believable as a horsefly killing an elephant.
All in all, Mission: Impossible III is an abuse to my eyes, an insult to my intelligence, and a repulse
to my stomach.
8/07:
Mission: Impossible III is an unsatisfying, draining experience.
How did the franchise go downhill so quickly after the wonderful first film? The third part fails because of the
overreliance on CGI and shaky camera. It's a good thing that the slo-mo effect was dropped. That had been
annoying to put up with.
When Ethan Hunt got blasted through the air onto the car, he must be made of rubber, bouncing off anything
without injury. Another scene, which takes place in Shanghai, is Ethan doing this pendulum swing with the rope
before letting it go and then dropping about fifty feet in the air to hit the glass window on his back. I'm
sure that stunt would've made him a permanent quadriplegic.
Ethan Hunt survives longer than his protégé after an explosive charge was shoved up his nose. Frantically, he finds
a way to discharge it. By the time Ethan is ready, he takes a moment to yell to his wife, "I love you!!!!!!" before
zapping himself out with his teeth clenching on the stupid Popsicle stick. It's hilarious as shit.
All in all, Mission: Impossible III is dedicated to Tom Cruise's loving wife Katie Holmes.
1/17:
Tom Cruise declares his undying love for Katie Holmes in Mission: Impossible III.
Having seen the movie twice before, I was asked by a friend to describe the plot. As a result, I was clueless and
said that I didn't remember anything although I had an easier time recalling the plot of the last two films.
That's how bad it is for Mission: Impossible III.
So, what happened to Thandie Newton's character? I thought Ethan Hunt liked her. Guess not. Instead, Hunt opts
for a fake marriage with a woman he hardly knows. Actually, that sounds like what happened for Tom Cruise with
Katie Holmes. To make matters worse, he thinks she's the most important person in the whole world.
When the wife finds out what he truly does for a living, I can see her spreading gossip during dinner parties
with the moneyed people in the form of "Oh, my God. Do you know what my husband does? Oh, my God. This
is...like...so cool." After everybody is bored with her in a while, they'll be like, "Yeah, we already know.
What else is new?"
Although the action sequences were bad and slow in the previous film, I have to say they're worse now:
fake, unrealistic, and impossible. Ethan Hunt bounces off everything as if he's made of rubber, no matter
how hard the impact is supposed to be. He's never sore afterwards and only has a couple of bruises on his face.
And Ethan is one of the greatest long jumpers in the world.
Philip Seymour Hoffman looks fucking stupid. Just give it up: you aren't as tough as you appear to be. His
character, Owen Davian, had a golden chance to kill Ethan during the introduction but let him go. Why? His
wife should've been killed, too. But Davian offed the translator instead. It makes no fucking sense.
The story is redundant and almost a carbon copy of what happened in the original. The wife thing is
True Lies all over again. Even Tom Cruise does the iconic stunt for the
third time which is getting old. Couldn't the writers come up with something original?
After the Rabbit's Foot is recovered in Italy and transported to the United States, why is it located in Shanghai,
China? It makes no fucking sense. The scene with Jonathan Rhys Meyers gesticulating like an Italian is the worst
of them all, causing me to cringe. Speaking of St. Peter's Basilica in Vatican City (actually Royal Palace of
Caserta which is 137 miles southeast), it looks so expensively stocked that I have to question the religion's
purpose: is it supposed to serve the poor?
All in all, Mission: Impossible III is tons of explosions but no substance.