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Mission to Mars (2000)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
6/17
6/17:
Well, Brian De Palma has finally sold himself out by going mainstream.
Having made his career by ripping off Hitchcock's films to death, Brian De Palma decided to move on to a new territory
by focusing on Stanley Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey. The result is Mission to Mars, a massive box-office
failure, grossing $60 million domestically against a $100 million budget.
Where the money went is the full-blown masturbation of CGI effects which aren't impressive. In reality, upon a closer look,
Mars isn't much of a planet, resembling more like airbrushed Grand Canyon of Arizona. As a matter of fact, the
scenes were filmed in Wadi Rum, Jordan. Leaving less for the rest of the film is the result of a sheer drop in quality of the
story, dialogue, and acting performances. So, instead of the original title, why not call it Mission to Suck?
Just about every film Tim Robbins appears in, he always has that look of a dork with a shit-eating goofy smile.
And he does it again here. Already redundant by doing Apollo 13, Gary Sinise, who always looks displeased no
matter what, has perfected the art of applying eyeliner to make himself be either Axl Rose or C.C. DeVille.
To this day, Don Cheadle still can't act to save his own life. Ditto for Jerry O'Connell who doesn't belong in movies.
It's time for him to go back to Sliders or be Trip McNeely once again.
Everybody tries to be awed, à la Close Encounters of the Third Kind, by the sight of what's happening, but it's never
convincing for the slightest second. The dialogue they're supplied with is corny, mumbo-jumbo, and TV-speak; it's like
watching highly-paid professional actors stuck in a bad high school play.
Oh, oh! I love the ubiquitous display of product placements. Most definitely, I'm going to buy some six-packs of Dr.
Pepper and a bag of M&M's whenever I feel the need to travel to outer space. When the realization was made about the discovery
of water on Mars, Don Cheadle's character said, "Then, we may have found the key to permanent human colonization." Bullshit.
A red, dusty planet that's really, really, really far, Mars has no water, trees, suitable atmosphere, and anything else
that's useful or interesting for human beings. So, why would they leave Earth for a boring planet that's minus
200 degrees Fahrenheit, which is on average 150 degrees colder than Antarctica, and always besieged with dust storms?
Plus, who's going to pay quadrillions of dollars to transport the necessary materials from Earth to Mars, and how
many years in total will that take before the project is finally completed? Once there, all everybody will do is stay inside
the oxygen-contained buildings with nothing much to do. And it'll take years for the Martians to be constantly
resupplied by Earth.
Everybody has overlooked the truth about space exploration: cosmic ray radiation which is almost
impossible to shield against. A new study showed that NASA's Apollo program had seen many of its astronauts, who flew missions
in space, suffering from high mortality rate due to heart disease which was caused by high exposure to deep space
radiation during their trip to the moon. Thus, it'll be impossible for Don Cheadle's character to survive this long.
After losing several astronauts on Mars, Tim Robbins' and Connie Nielsen's married characters proceeded, laughing and giggling,
to dance with each other. What the fuck? The same goes to the idea of sending a married couple up there in space which could've
jeopardized the mission and the lives of everybody involved. Astronauts are supposed to be smart and all that,
yet they think DNA is composed of chromosomes. What these fools don't realize is it's the other way around.
All in all, Brian De Palma tries to be original in Mission to Mars but manages to rip off at least
fifteen sci-fi movies.