On R List of Movie Reviews

(For optimum viewing, adjust the zoom level of your browser to 125%.)

---

River of No Return (1954)

Rate: 5
Viewed: 5/25

5/25: Picture this in River of No Return.

It's the West of 1875. Marilyn Monroe is inside the tent, belting out a dance hall song, while being surrounded by fifty men. And nobody has rape on his mind? Only in Hollywood. At least, Robert Mitchum's character has the sense to entertain thoughts of it before a mountain lion showed up to stop him from going further.

Anyway, I hate the ugly color treatment, ultimately ruining the film. It's hard to believe this one was done in Technicolor. Many shots don't match up well. The fake whitewater rafting scenes are also a downer. Obviously, the big ones are done with rear projection effect, and anything else is either a long shot that renders the stunt doubles of Robert Mitchum and Marilyn Monroe impossible to discern or a simple shot that's safe for the stars to handle on calm water.

Robert Mitchum and Marilyn Monroe are okay for the most part but have been saddled with a crummy script. When they're wet, the two big blankets they've taken on the trip are improbably dry. Marilyn Monroe's make-up and hair are always impeccable, no matter how bad the situation is. The little boy means nothing in the grand scheme of things and therefore should've been cut out. To make the ending work, he can play a customer in the store and shoot Rory Calhoun in the back.

All in all, River of No Return is strictly for Marilyn Monroe addicts who like to waste their time in quibbling over whether or not it's her singing and/or playing the guitar.

---