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Simón del desierto (1965)

Rate: 2
Viewed: 2/25

SimDes
2/25: One of the worst and most pretentious films made?

It's close. Simón del desierto, Spanish for Simon of the Desert, is thankfully 45 minutes long. Why it happened that way is the producer ran out of money, but Luis Buñuel's wife (the naked woman in the film) countered it was supposed to be an anthology of three stories with each handled by a different director, an idea which was discarded because the other two directors wanted their wives in it, too, yet Buñuel preferred his to be the only one to appear in all three stories.

Because the idiot monk stood atop the column for six years, six weeks, and six days, some questions ran through my mind. How is he not dead from skin cancer? Why is his face perfectly fine compared to his legs? How can he sleep on a tiny space? Won't he be so tired of standing all day? What's his plan against averse weather? Is he still up there in case of lightning? How about the pissing and shitting? Does everybody watch him and then derive something fascinating from it?

Then, we have the mother of all: the dance scene at the end. Let's imagine several films going this route. Rocky Balboa is in the fight of his life; it's now Round 15, the final one, and...it skips to the dance scene. The verdict is in for a murder trial, and the foreman declares that the accused has been...it skips to the dance scene. How about there's a Holocaust going on, Jews are about to be gassed, and...it skips to the dance scene?

To be fair, it's what Simeon Stylites did for 36 years, and he had a lot of copycats (called "stylites") afterwards. A lot of stuff shown in the film is what occurred during his life. At one point, there was a double wall erected around the column to keep women out including his mother. Eventually, when she died, her coffin was brought over per Simeon's request, so he could say goodbye. When he passed away, it happened on the pillar.

All in all, no matter how true the story is about Simeon Stylites, Simón del desierto is a total waste of time.