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The Haunting (1999)

Rate: 2
Viewed: 4/25

Haunt99
4/25: The Haunting is pure crap.

Nothing makes sense. The movie was over at the beginning when Liam Neeson tried to make a feeble explanation about his research project. I was like, "Huh?" To make up for it, director Jan de Bont goes mad through CGI masturbation. All I can do is pat him on the head and say, "Good boy!" The tagline on the movie poster reads: SOME HOUSES ARE BORN BAD. Really? Houses can be born? That...I'll like to see.

Lili Taylor was tolerable at first. Then, Catherine Zeta-Jones showed up and acted like a spoiled bitch. After Owen Wilson entered the picture, he wouldn't stop yelling or complaining about everything. When I thought the worst was over, Lili Taylor managed to put herself right in the center and went batshit crazy! Mommy...what did I do to deserve this?

Clearly, The Haunting rips off a lot of stuff from The Changeling and The Legacy. It's a house that nobody can leave and the inhabitant is being communicated with to right a wrong from the past. Several elements are borrowed from Burnt Offerings, especially the caretakers not being there anymore after dispensing directions, the glasshouse, and how everybody is enamored by the house per se.

The filmmakers should've gone with a smaller house that's somewhere between 2,000 and 4,000 square feet in order for the suspense to work. That's how Black Christmas and Halloween were successful. Instead, they went all out with the interiors, causing me to think of the wastefulness of resources and money that went into it.

If Dr. Marrow said Nell wasn't on the list, then why did he accept her presence on the first day? Where were his assistants the entire time? How would he observe or measure the results? What was he looking for? Why go up the stairs if it was obvious the whole thing was about to fall apart? Should something go wrong, what was his emergency plan? Surely, he could've called the caretakers for assistance or was given a key to unlock the front gate. At the same time, why not he and his research subjects stay outside until daylight and find a way to leave the premises safely? By the way, that's Harlaxton Manor, and if you look at the back, there's no gate to prevent anyone from getting out.

All in all, The Haunting is for people who love to gaze at the interiors of massively overdone houses.