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The January Man (1989)

Rate: 1
Viewed: 10/04, 5/08

JanMan
5/08: Do you ever get the feeling of working on a jigsaw puzzle with none of the pieces fitting together?

That's what happened in The January Man. The sole reason for revisiting the picture is to see how bad it is. It's not of the kind that's "so bad that it's so good" or "so bad that it's so bad" but rather "so stupid that it's so absurdly ridiculous." Indeed it is.

Kevin Kline, Susan Sarandon, Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, Harvey Keitel, Danny Aiello, Rod Steiger, and Alan Rickman...my head shakes at the unbelievable list of names. Their dialogue is nonsensical, and the scenes are bad, not to mention how embarrassing some of them are.

Rod Steiger and Danny Aiello overact by screaming at each other, and their hammy performances are enough to make me want to drop a nuclear weapon on my head. Even Harvey Keitel looks uncomfortable standing there between them as his face is saying only one thing, "What the fuck am I doing here?"

The conflict between Susan Sarandon's and Kevin Kline's characters is poorly explained and not worth bothering with. Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio is wasted in the spite of her gratuitous nude scene. The same can be said for Alan Rickman, but he's actually good. It's hard to believe Kevin Kline decided to do the film with a straight face.

Now, let's proceed to the meat of the picture which is a bizarre setup of the mystery to capture the serial killer. Starkey deduces the murder must occur on the day that corresponds with the prime number of the date each month. Then, there's a correspondence between the astrological, or rather the constellation, signs and the apartments. Next is the selection of them that's based on musical tones. It's how the killer was apprehended, and...no, I'm not kidding you. He figures all of this out in, more or less, a day.

Now, I wonder what would've happened if the targeted room had a male occupant instead of a female. Or perhaps she's going away on a trip that day? Or there's a husband and wife living there? By the way, how does the killer know it's the exact room from the exterior point of view as he walks inside the apartment? It's not easy to do that if you give it a try.

All in all, despite the all-star cast, The January Man is shockingly ridiculous.