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The Longest Day (1962)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
5/10, 3/24
5/10:
Having mentioned it in my review of Battle of the Bulge, I present you again the
ingredients in order to create a bad war picture:
1. Soldiers throwing their arms in the air before dropping to the ground without being physically shot.
2. Lack of blood.
3. A smattering of troops.
4. Lots of focus on big-name actors who end up making cameos.
5. Bad acting.
6. Corny characters.
7. Germans speaking English.
8. Tons of explosions.
9. Anachronistic vehicles rolling everywhere.
10. A running time of three hours.
11. Closing screen credits to show gratitude for the dedication and lives lost of men who fought in the
battle and/or war.
12. An avalanche of historical inaccuracies.
13. Telly Savalas.
Although it doesn't have Telly and the Germans actually speak their own language, the list is damn near accurate
for The Longest Day. Knowing that John Wayne never served in WWII because he was too busy fucking Marlene Dietrich's
brains out, it's insulting to see him in uniform, pretending to be a soldier and ordering everybody around.
The film boasts of a cast of fortysomething international stars, yet more than half of them are practically unrecognizable.
It's safe to say that all were too old, too. The guy who won $2,500, is it relevant in the grand scheme of things? You know, the
Holocaust is still going on. When the Frenchman was jubilant upon the sight of incoming Allied soldiers on the beach,
he was probably thinking of getting an autograph from James Bond.
All in all, The Longest Day is a dinosaur compared to Saving Private Ryan.
3/24:
Showcasing many all-stars doesn't necessarily make a film better, and that's what happened for The Longest Day.
The finished product is worse every time that a big-name star shows up for a minute or two and says his lines of the sopa opera garden
variety before disappearing forever. John Wayne, the biggest draft dodger ever who made a chunk of his living starring in
war pictures, is the most ridiculous of them all. Being too old at age 54, his character lands in Normandy, breaks his leg, and
has to be carted around. Why not just force him to stay home? The pathetic guy was paid $250,000, which was $75,000 more than
what's doled out to author Cornelius Ryan, while everybody else got 10%. To add insult to injury, Richard Burton and Roddy
McDowall did their scenes for free.
There are tons of names to keep up with. Hence, it's better to focus on the battle scenes, however few of them there are, which are
outstandingly shot, winning the Best Black-And-White Cinematography Oscar for Jean Bourgoin and Walter Wottitz. Two incredible
scenes are when the troops landed on the beach in Normany and when the men ran through Ouistreham. Had the film
showed more of them while discarding the soap opera crap, The Longest Day would've been a WWII masterpiece.
Both sides were filmed by different directors, but only the Germans got my interest. Why? It's because there's no fluff!
They went about their business and conducted themselves in a militaristic manner. On the other hand, none of the actors
stands out, but Red Buttons is the most annoying. Won't he can it already? I don't care about what happens to him. Ditto
for Richard Beymer.
All in all, overlong and disappointing, The Longest Day is worth watching only for the battle scenes.