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The Virgin Suicides (1999)

Rate: 2
Viewed: 5/15

VirSui
5/15: The Virgin Suicides is nepotism at its finest.

It's not a question of "who do you know?" but "who are you related to?" If you're familiar, right from the outset, with the production company American Zoetrope which was founded by Francis Ford Coppola and George Lucas, then you can see where this is heading.

Backed by its financing, Sofia Coppola, Francis' daughter who's infamous for The Godfather Part III, makes her directing debut in The Virgin Suicides. Eventually, she went on to receive an undeserving Best Director Oscar for Lost in Translation and hasn't done anything noteworthy ever since. Ah, nepotism is king. Once again, it's "who are you related to?" but not "who do you know?"

Back to The Virgin Suicides, it's a horrible movie. Every scene has to be implicitly sexual as possible, and the setting takes place during the 70's. Nothing I've seen is believable or remotely close to the era. The amount of pretentiousness that's shoved down my throat has left me gagging for air.

It's about five white, blonde, blue-eyed sisters, who are highly revered by their perverted male classmates, following Cecilia's path after she committed suicide for reasons that aren't made clear. What do I care about them? They're just repressed sexpots. By using them, it becomes manipulation. People, especially young kids, don't commit suicide because they're bored. There must be plenty of serious issues for it to happen. Hence, what I saw in The Virgin Suicides isn't realistic.

I hate these mental midget boys. They're not in love with the girls but want to see them naked and bang the hell out of them before moving on with their fucked-up lives. It's sad to see James Woods be reduced to this sorry state of a pathetic character. In real life, he would've taken off his glasses, grabbed the dipshits by their throats, and screamed at them: "I am James Fucking Woods, you fucking cocksuckers!"

Even more sad is the sight of Kathleen Turner who looks practically unrecognizable. I can't believe how much her looks had gone away since Body Heat. The truth is she was suffering from rheumatoid arthritis which forced her to take medication and undergo multiple surgeries that resulted in weight gain. To combat the pain, she drank heavily. Meanwhile, Scott Glenn and Danny DeVito are apparently in the film because of Sofia's father. As for the rest of the cast, forget them. Look at Josh Hartnett and his fake hair...what a terrible actor.

All in all, nepotism doesn't wash with me.