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The Wizard of Oz (1925)

Rate: 1
Viewed: 1/08

WizOz1
1/08: When the opening screen credits rolled for The Wizard of Oz, the first thing I saw was Larry Semon's name.

I was like, "Who the fuck is Larry Semon?" Then, I asked myself, "Would it be funnier if he changed his name to Larry Semen?" Anyway, I was expecting a tornado, Dorothy, and hundreds of munchkins. But no...it's this Pee-Wee Herman weirdo who kept hogging the attention. I'd been asking, "Who the fuck is this dude?" After half an hour, I fell asleep.

When I woke up, I decided to go on the internet to find out who this guy was, and it turned out to be Larry Semen. More interestingly, the film ruined his career, and he passed away a few years afterwards. My only thought to all of this was: "Good riddance."

In short, this version isn't The Wizard of Oz I've come to know as. Lengthy body falls, unexplainable explosions, and unintelligible storyline are among the highlights of the mess. Larry Semen takes the screen time away from everybody as he manages to be the queencock of assholes. Just looking at him, I can't help but be disgusted enough to beg for mercy.

The ending is bizarre, and even more so is the inside an egg that's all black. Speaking of gooey stuff, many slapsticks involving liquids are gross to watch. At one point, Semen's character exclaims that lions prefer dark meat before he proceeds to kick one (which is supposed to be a black actor pretending to be a lion and his name is G. Howe Black) in the nose. Also, there's another black actor whose character's name is Snowflake, and he likes to eat watermelons. That's great stuff, Larry. Really...really terrific.

All in all, Larry Semen should be tarred and feathered before he's dropped from the highest point of the Empire State Building.