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Touch of Evil (1958)

Rate: 3
Viewed: 2/07, 3/17

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2/07: I was expecting a classic film noir from Touch of Evil.

Instead, I saw what's maybe the worst Orson Welles picture ever made. I question the casting of Charlton Heston as a Mexican cop. My goodness, the heavy brown makeup job on him...was Anthony Quinn that busy?

The first half is spent on a lot of talking while the second is about unraveling the plot that left me unsurprised. For the love of humanity, why do I have to suffer through Marlene Dietrich's bullshit acting? It's so damn nauseating to see her snooty face constantly.

All in all, I'll never forget Charlton Heston's portrayal of a fake Mexican cop in Touch of Evil.

3/17: Touch of Evil is one of the most overrated films ever.

I saw it ten years ago and said the same thing. Recently, I thought I might have been wrong and decided to give it another try. Nope, it's still the same sentiment. A box-office failure in 1958, Touch of Evil is almost as bad as Mr. Arkadin and is in the same league as Rumble Fish: visually appealing that's full of Wellesian parlor tricks in cinematography but overstylized with a nonsensical plot.

My head shakes at the sight of Charlton Heston. Moses? Yes. Ben-Hur? Yes. But a Mexican cop? Hell, no! He was definitely over his head. Why couldn't Orson Welles get Anthony Quinn, Emilio Fernández, or Ricardo Montalbán? Marlene Dietrich is nearly the worst thing about Touch of Evil. It all has to be about her when in fact she's a full-of-shit actress.

Janet Leigh's character was drugged and raped? Yeah, sure. Wake me up if it ever happens. By the way, why is somebody as pretty as Susan okay with the idea of moving to Jerkwater Town, Mexico? Just stay home in Iowa or wherever the fuck she's from. Plus, what kind of husband leaves her in a shithole motel? Norman Bates' motel had better accommodations, for Pete's sake.

By the way, a friend offered Orson Welles a bunch of scripts. Orson picked the worst one to prove he could make a great film out of it. The result is Touch of Evil which proves the film was already bad to begin with.

All in all, Orson Welles made one of the greatest film noir pictures, and it's called The Lady from Shanghai.