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What Lies Beneath (2000)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
11/25
11/25:
Uh...what is this?
That should be the title of the film: What Is This? There are others, too:
One Bored Housewife with Too Much Time on Her Hands, The Hassle of Putting Up with a Trophy Wife,
and Michelle Pfeiffer's Vanity Acting in Full Display.
Nothing happens for the longest time. It's just Michelle Pfeiffer fucking around. Thus, the movie can be safely
fast-forwarded until there are forty minutes left. There's a lack of backstory in regard to her character,
Claire, and Norman, played by Harrison Ford. By the way, why is it that every time when there's
supernatural stuff happening, somebody has to bring out the Ouija board? I swear this has to be a marketing
ploy to get the sales going for that piece of shit.
Lot of things don't add up. At first, Claire suspects something weird going on with the neighbors. It turns
out to be a big nothing. Why the eye thing through a hole of the fence to revive memories of
Psycho II? Do you have any idea how much effort that
takes to be perfect on the first try? Then, the neighbors are completely dropped for the duration
of the time. Ditto for Jody who proves to be useless as well. If you don't know who that is, don't
worry about it. Fun fact: Diana Scarwid was in Psycho III and saw her
once-promising career die afterwards.
Claire sees a female in the lake but forgets about her. Later, she jumps into there and retrieves a locked
box yet doesn't open it for a while. Somewhere in between, she speaks with a black psychiatrist, but their
sessions don't materialize to anything. Constantly, I'm shown the filled tub, yet there's little
significance associated with it, leading to the lack of my appreciation when some moron said, "Does For
Bathtubs What Psycho Did For Showers!" At the beginning, the parents
drop off their daughter at the dorm, but there's no contact between them again.
Claire looks great all the time, huh? Then, why is Norman interested in other women? What possible
motivation can there be, especially when it concerns a female student who happens to look almost exactly
like Claire? Suddenly, he decides to kill Claire. So, Norman is going to throw away a lifetime of heavy-duty
scientific work and also besmirch his father's reputation over her? The way he and Claire interact, it feels
like they had met the year before. Well, consider me surprised that they've been together for more than two
decades; it really takes a lot of water under the bridge to want to murder her.
Another big mistake is giving Michelle Pfeiffer so much screen time. She's in every single scene at the
expense of Harrison Ford which must have been 80%-20%. The less of him, the more I guessed his character was
going to be revealed as the bad guy, even though it made no sense, but that's dumb minds at work in Hollywood.
Indiana Jones himself would've done a good job of killing her. Instead, he slips in the bathroom and hits his
head on the sink like a clumsy dummy. His head bleeds so much that he's passing out yet is conscious
enough to get up at the right moments to get his wife as if it's
Friday the 13th.
All in all, the answer to What Lies Beneath is zero, zip, zilch, nada.