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An Alan Smithee Film:
Burn Hollywood Burn (1997)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
11/03, 5/08
5/08:
Imagine my surprise when I came across a VHS copy of An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn at a flea market.
It was like finding plutonium in the middle of a godforsaken desert. The comments "Hilarious!," "Outrageous!," and "One of
the funniest movies in ages!" are splattered all over the cover. What the hell are they talking about? It's nothing but a
soporific dreck which revolves around the missing reel of an upcoming crappy Hollywood blockbuster.
I want you to imagine a fan on the ceiling. The more the chatter comes from the characters, the faster it spins. By the time
Whoopi shows up, shit begins to hit the fan. When the two black nitwits appear, the shit is hurled farther than ever.
The moment Sylvester Stallone appears, the fan is ready to collapse. It overheats when Eric Idle does this itsy-bitsy
spider thing with his hands. Finally, the fan has come out from the ceiling and is therefore covered in total shit by the
moment Ryan O'Neal shows his face after receiving a fellatio.
Incidentally, once upon a time, there was a comedian who made a name for himself by mocking
Jaws: the Revenge, and his name was Richard Jeni. Years later, he shot himself in the
head inside his West Hollywood bedroom. Somewhere, Michael Caine is laughing.
All in all, An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn is an ungodly mess.