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Jaws: The Revenge (1987)

Rate: 2
Viewed: 3/08, 6/20

Jaws4
3/08: Yep, this is the most infamous film of the franchise.

The tagline of Jaws: The Revenge reads, "This time, it's personal." What the fuck are they talking about? Didn't Jaws die already in the first part? Plus, sharks have feelings and take revenge on people?

Jaws attacks a banana boat. Jaws takes on a plane. Jaws tears apart a sailboat. Jaws swims 1,000 some nautical miles in less than three days. Jaws screams, roars, and jumps in the air. And Jesus Christ! Jaws shoots hoops. My goodness, he's so amazing!

Michael Caine won the Oscar for Hannah and Her Sisters, but he couldn't make to the awards ceremony because he was stuck in the Bahamas during the filming of Jaws: The Revenge. According to IMDb, when Caine was asked about it in an interview, he answered, "I have never seen it, but by all accounts, it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific."

Um...what fucking house? Why Michael Caine took the role is he read only the first line of the script, "Fade in: Hawaii," and for years, he always wanted to vacation there with his family. Eventually, it was relocated to the Bahamas which suited him just fine. Richard Jeni made his stand-up comedy career out of Jaws: The Revenge by mocking Caine for years, and he eventually committed suicide. Now, that's funny.

Anyway, the main reason why the third sequel was green-lit is that Lorraine Gary's husband was the head honcho of Universal Studios. She was bored and had no acting offers for eight years, so the sequel was specially made for her. And, as a bonus, she got to kiss Michael Caine.

Four different Jaws films. Four different Michaels. Four different Seans. In the meantime, Mario Van Peebles' character is thrashed around by Jaws, giving the sense that his body is being ripped apart. Amazingly enough, he miraculously survives the incident. I might say the same for Hoagie, too. By the way, if you notice the black mayor who introduced Carla Brody during the public arts demonstration, it's Melvin Van Peebles.

When Michael Caine swims to safety on the boat after stupidly crashing his plane, his clothes are immediately dry; so are his two friends'. During the flashbacks of her husband and son, how would Lorraine Gary's character know if she was never there? Now, I'm confused in trying to understand why, after a series of shark attacks upon the family, the Brodys never moved to a landlocked state.

I don't get the ending. Michael Caine was holding a flashing light which distressed Jaws, causing it to roar. Then, all of a sudden, the shark just exploded? What the heck happened? And Jake suddenly came out of it? By the way, I can tell the actors were swimming in the water tank that's surrounded by a wall of fake clouds. Oddly, Judith Barsi, who plays Thea, died one year after the film was made, having been shot by her father in a murder-suicide along with her mother. She was ten years old.

All in all, Jaws: The Revenge isn't the worst film made, but it's definitely time for the shark to die for good.

6/20: One of the most infamous movies of all time, Jaws: The Revenge still has my head shaking.

The first hour, which is mostly boring, isn't clear as to why it carries that disreputation, but the final half hour is what finally clinched it. There are a few moments of oddity, especially with Ellen Brody who keeps thinking the shark is out there to get her family. Yet I want to tell her, "Why not just move to a landlocked state? You still live near the beach, you hypocrite."

The situation shouldn't have gotten that far if Ellen had not taken the boat to sea; I mean, how is she going to locate the shark in a vast sea which stretches for hundreds of square nautical miles? By the time the guys find out what she did, the situation goes from bad to absolutely stupid. Of all the possibilities, Hoagie decides to land the plane in the middle of the water, and why, even after he radioed for help?

To this day, and I can still remember it, I laugh at the totally dry clothes these guys had on after getting out of the water. It's like they used a magic one-second dryer. If Hoagie's escape from the shark isn't unbelievable enough, Jake's survival is one of the all-time "what the fuck" moments. I seem to recall him getting dragged down undersea while being snatched by the jaws of death and bleeding profusely. I mean, did everybody realize the gravity of what they were about to get into?

For years, I've never understood why Michael Caine made this comment, "I have never seen it, but by all accounts, it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific." I finally found out why after reading his book Blowing the Bloody Doors Off that he only did the movie to pay for his mother's newly constructed house.

All in all, Jaws: The Revenge isn't among the worst movies I've seen, thanks to the excellent photography of the light blue water.