On C List of Movie Reviews
(For optimum viewing, adjust the zoom level of your browser to 125%.)
Conan the Destroyer (1984)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
10/07, 1/26
10/07:
Coooonnnnnnaaaaaaawwwwnnnn!
Jeez, what a boring film Conan the Destroyer is. It's somewhat better than the original for being
shorter, less tedious, and more passable to get through. Yet it's hard to take the sequel seriously because
of Wilt Chamberlain.
The cast is lousy. Tracey Walter, Grace Jones, Wilt Chamberlain, and Olivia d'Abo should be cut out. However,
I like the costumes and the set design. It's too bad that the poor dialogue has to wreak havoc. I'm also
disappointed in Conan for walloping the poor camel.
You might be asking this all-important question: why was there no third part for the Conan franchise?
It's because The Terminator came and the rest was history.
All in all, please...no more Conan bullshit for me.
1/26:
All right, Conan the Destroyer is better this time and should've merited a third part.
That's because I made sure to stay wide awake. Not getting enough credit is Jack Cardiff for the cinematography.
The sets are outstanding. I thought the movie was shot in Spain, but it turned out to be Mexico. The best
part is there's no letdown in John Milius' vision despite the change in director.
Story-wise, Conan's deeds in Conan the Barbarian and the sequel
should be viewed as an equivalent to the Twelve Labors of Hercules. That's why the entire saga is an
adventure to seek the ultimate reward while meeting interesting specimen along the way. Of course,
Arnold Schwarzenegger never disappoints and gets to show off his more ripped physique as much as possible.
One mistake is not casting André the Giant as he is. He would've added more to the story instead of
being all made up as the Dagoth monster. The character of Bombaata is a good fit for Wilt Chamberlain, in the
only screen role of his career, a notoriously selfish basketball player who only cared about numbers.
That's why his erstwhile rival Bill Russell won eleven NBA titles in thirteen seasons.
On the other hand, I hate Grace Jones, but she's perfect for this sort of thing. Many have said the
fourteen-year-old Olivia d'Abo was terrible. At first, it seemed to be so, but she became fine in the long run
and was an nonissue. Yes, you weren't dreaming: that's Sven-Ole Thorsen wearing a mask given that he had a
major role in the original.
All in all, Conan the Destroyer is a decent sequel that lives up to the "sword-and-sorcery" label very well.