V List of Movie Reviews
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V for Vendetta (2005)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
11/08
11/08:
What the hell is this V for Vendetta?
It's more like C for Crap. There's no story but a blend of many elements that are borrowed
from different movies: The Count of Monte Cristo, Mission: Impossible II,
The Phantom of the Opera,
Fight Club, Darkman, Once Upon a Time in Mexico,
Network, and Nineteen Eighty-Four.
The longer the show runs, the more ridiculous and pretentious it gets and the more brain-dead my mind becomes. Sitting through
this CGI masturbation that's clearly intended for retarded IMDb fanboys, I looked at the timer constantly until completion.
When the masked fool wouldn't stop using words that started with the letter V, I only wanted to tell him to shut the vuck up. The
pretentious, manipulative message the film sends out isn't different from terrorism which takes advantage of violence as a means to
achieve peace or solve world issues. Of course, the approach never works because the long-standing problems will
compound more and more, resulting in a perpetual anarchy.
If one doesn't like how the government operates, he can either vote or get involved with politics, but if he won't
bother making an effort, then he should shut the vuck up, sit the vuck down, and shut the vuck up. What if the masked guy
is an Arab, somebody like...oh, I don't know...Osama bin Laden? Does it change the entire narrative?
All in all, V for Vendetta is a marketing ploy to sell Halloween masks to the glue-sniffing, mentally-challenged
teenagers who are young, dumb, and full of junk cum.
The V.I.P.s (1963)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
1/17
1/17:
The V.I.P.s is Airport minus the disaster with
Grand Hotel type of story.
There are four parallel threads going on at the same time, but the one with Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton
is the most compelling. The idea of a love triangle was inspired by the story of Vivien Leigh leaving Laurence Olivier
for Peter Finch but only to be delayed by a fog at Heathrow Airport. Olivier eventually persuaded her to come home.
In their second film together, Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton are great, serving as the main reason why The V.I.P.s
merits a look. At the same time, Louis Jourdan talks too much, killing the momentum the other two were trying to generate.
A cane stick should've appeared out of nowhere to drag him away by the neck for good.
The second best and only other worthwhile thread features Rod Taylor and Maggie Smith in one of her earliest screen roles.
It's easy to feel for their characters due to business problems they're having. Orson Welles is part of the third thread which
is mostly for a nonessential comedic effect. He was just having fun by hamming it up.
Playing a kook, Margaret Rutherford is useless, adding nothing of substance. How she won, let alone be nominated for, Best
Supporting Actress Oscar is a great mystery. It should've gone to Maggie Smith instead. A fun fact is that Sophia Loren was
ordered by Elizabeth Taylor to stay home in Rome because she wanted to take over the role.
All in all, check out The V.I.P.s if you want more of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton.
The Vagabond (1916)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
10/07
10/07:
*chainsaw roaring*
*flesh being ripped apart*
It's the sound of Charlie Chaplin hacked into pieces.
All in all, get the wood chipper machine running because Charlie Chaplin is going through it one more time.
Valdez Is Coming (1971)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
1/03, 7/04, 9/24
9/24:
Burt Lancaster made a lot of good Western pictures, and among them is the underrated Valdez Is Coming.
The story is simple: revenge. All the bad guy had to do was pay the $100. On top of that, there's plenty of action just
like Vera Cruz. However, there's one moment that makes absolutely no sense, and it's
when Burt Lancaster and Susan Clark crashed into each other on horses.
Regardless, deep blue-eyed Burt Lancaster is the best with the appropriate accent for his character, and I like the
collection of actors although too many of them are badly brown-faced. Notable is the film, which was shot on location in
Spain, featuring the young-looking Richard Jordan and Hector Elizondo.
All in all, Valdez Is Coming shows how a simple remedy can prevent lots of trouble down the road.
Valentine (2001)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
1/06
1/06:
The formula for Valentine is so simple and redundant that it's an easy sell on the stupid, clueless youngsters.
As usual, pretty college teenagers are paraded around only to be slaughtered like lambs like those
Friday the 13th and Scream pictures.
To take a step further, the filmmakers decide to rip off the William Shatner mask from
Halloween for their villain.
They've tried so hard to have me fooled when it comes to identifying the potential killer, yet I was correct all along.
How lame. So, what's the motive this time? It's basically this: he didn't get enough cards for Valentine's Day when he was in
sixth grade. Gee whiz...as if people don't have enough problems already.
All in all, Valentine is another run-of-the-mill slasher picture.
Valkyrie (2008)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
5/11
5/11:
As familiar as I am with the tale of Colonel von Stauffenberg's failed assassination attempt of Adolf Hitler,
I wasn't interested in seeing Valkyrie because of what happened with Pearl Harbor.
Finally, I said, "The hell with it. I'll just suffer." It turns out to be an all right picture, but there are several
parts that aren't true. First of all, Hitler's eyes were blue, not brown! Second, he always wore military uniforms, not
civilian clothes, during meetings. Third, Germans didn't primarily speak English; they spoke German.
Meanwhile, the melodramatic camera movements are annoying to bear, so if they can be entirely eliminated while allowing
the acting to do the work, Valkyrie will play better. Terence Stamp and Kenneth Branagh have been relegated to trivial
roles which proves they're at the nadir of their careers. Therefore, it's a sad sight.
All in all, Valkyrie is tolerable enough despite the historical inaccuracies.
Valley Girl (1983)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
7/09
7/09:
Although sometimes romantic and funny, Valley Girl has little substance while showing off a certain airhead vibe.
It reminds me of Clueless with Alicia Silverstone but better. I like certain parts,
but I wish the director would stick with them, allowing the film to finish at a high note.
Meanwhile, Nicolas Cage gives a good, sexy performance but has nothing to work with.
As for the rest of the cast, they can be safely dismissed.
All in all, Valley Girl is fine in spots but doesn't have enough meat to provide entertainment in the long run.
Valley of the Dolls (1967)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
2/10
2/10:
Valley of the Dolls is an attempt to paint a picture of how a movie actress can go from a big star to
a drug junkie, but such films have been fairly common for decades.
Obviously, the story is about the drug-infested lifestyle that Judy Garland of
The Wizard of Oz fame used to
lead. Already a mess, she attempted suicide many times until it finally happened one day through an accidental
overdose of barbiturates. The film is mildly interesting but murky to follow, giving me a hard time to grasp
the characters' problems, and has a disappointing finish.
Of the cast, Barbara Parkins, who plays Anne, is beautiful. Hence, I can't believe the boyfriend cheated on her
with a pill-popper. Sharon Tate is a familiar name from the Tate–LaBianca murders in connection with
Helter Skelter, but I've never seen her in a film until now. She's a natural looker.
All in all, it's hard for me to care about anything that goes on in Valley of the Dolls.
Valmont (1989)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
8/18
8/18:
It's inevitable for Valmont to be compared with
Dangerous Liaisons, and the remake somewhat succeeds.
There are plenty of good performances despite the significant changes in the plot. Newcomers Colin Firth and Annette Bening
stand out while Henry Thomas, Meg Tilly, and Fairuza Balk are decent as well.
However, the film isn't as biting as Stephen Frears' picture and is rather more of the same with a weak script. Everybody is
well-dressed, but I don't see how they fit the period. Regardless of the negatives, Valmont is better than the misguided
disaster by Roger Vadim.
All in all, it's best to think of Valmont as a lighthearted attempt to emulate
Dangerous Liaisons.
Vamp (1986)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
7/11
7/11:
So, what killed Vamp?
Simple...Grace Jones. As horrible as she was, how did Grace manage to get acting jobs during the 80's? She's always been
full of shit. For a while, Vamp seemed to work out, displaying a cross among
My Best Friend Is a Vampire,
From Dusk Till Dawn, and Fright Night. Then, all of a sudden, it fell apart
by becoming a boring, typical vampire picture.
Well, the Esai Morales/Rob Lowe look-alike actor (remember him from
A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: A Freddy's Revenge?)
manages to keep things interesting. It's too bad the Donger turned into a vampire. If he was granted more screen time,
he would've made the movie more fun to watch. Ditto for Billy Drago who consistently fails to keep up with the Billy Idol look.
All in all, Vamp has enough energy to begin with, but it dissipates long before the end, and please...no Grace Jones.
Vampire in Brooklyn (1995)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
9/14
9/14:
Great, this is the 561st vampire picture made.
When will it ever end? Vampire in Brooklyn shows nothing that I haven't seen before. The plot is almost identical to
Interview with the Vampire except this time the cast is all black.
Eddie Murphy claimed that his wig ruined the film. No...not really, but nice try. 1994-1995 marked the beginning of decline
in his star power, reaching its nadir in 1997 when he was stopped by the police for soliciting sex from a transsexual prostitute.
Yep, the truth is stranger than fiction.
If the vampire aspect can be taken out, I think there's potential for the film to be good as something else, thanks to the
script and the presences of Eddie Murphy and Angela Bassett. Yet it's the two supporting actors, Kadeem Hardison and John
Witherspoon, who make this a giant stinker due to their profanity-laced dialogue.
All in all, Hollywood needs to stop making more vampire movies; enough is enough.
Vampire's Kiss (1988)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
11/05
11/05:
Vampire's Kiss is a plotless flick that brings the zany best out of Nicolas Cage.
It's hysterical at times but is mostly sleep-incuding. Shockingly, for his role, Nicolas Cage eats a live cockroach. I don't
know why he did it for such a puny film, but at any rate, I say bravo for his courage. He actually did it in two takes.
Maria Conchita Alonso, helming a somewhat underdeveloped role, does a marvelous job and is effective as Nicolas Cage's co-star.
However, it's disappointing to see her to be the bearer of rampant sex harassment and workplace abuse.
All in all, Vampire's Kiss will always be famous for Nicolas Cage eating a live cockroach.
The Vanishing (1993)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
8/04, 12/14
12/14:
The Vanishing is a remake of Spoorloos which is also directed by George Sluizer.
The big difference between these two is the former is as American as it gets. But...why? Instead of taking the time,
everybody rushes through it without much of a thought. It's just poorly done. The ending is completely changed
from the original which ruins the overall effect, causing the irony to be missed.
Kiefer Sutherland isn't good, Sandra Bullock is blah, and Nancy Travis is miscast. Jeff Bridges looks like a pathetic dweeb,
and to complete his image is a tan pantyhose over his head. George Sluizer may be the first director to accomplish the
incredible: remake his own high-regarded film by doing it much worse. Shockingly, the budget cost ten times more than the
original.
All in all, The Vanishing is for the McDonald's customers who prefer a Happy Meal without any care for quality.
Vanishing Point (1971)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
3/21
3/21:
My rating of '6' for Vanishing Point is primarily due to the scenes involving the white 1970 Dodge Challenger.
There isn't much of a plot although it makes a good use of flashbacks to explain the nihilistic character's
motivation. Yes, the first half works, rivaling the famous scene in Bullitt, but the more
Cleavon Little takes over, the worse Vanishing Point is. In fact, why is he even in it? His character isn't central to
what's going on.
As great as the car chase is, I'm surprised to see little of it during the second half. What happened? Did the money run out?
No wonder why the filmmakers opted for an easy way out by letting the driver commit suicide at the end. When it
happens, the movie title is ironic if I think about it.
All in all, Easy Rider was there first and, more importantly, did it so well.
Vatel (2000)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
11/17
11/17:
I'm a sucker for films that take place in France during the 17th century, especially when it's full of lavish costumes, wigs,
and anything French, and Vatel is such that.
It's easy to see why Jean Rabasse and Françoise Benoît-Fresco received an Oscar nomination for Best Art Direction-Set Direction
which is top-notch. In fact, they should've won. I'm quite familiar with many names that are dropped
throughout. It's because I read The Three Musketeers and the sequels by Alexandre Dumas.
Gérard Depardieu is the star of the show and keeps things moving as the Master of Festivities and Pleasures. Consequently,
the story gets interesting over time as I'm constantly dazzled by the look. Disappointed is I am in Tim Roth's
brief role which is therefore a throwaway attempt to generate publicity. I knew he was trying to revive his
Oscar-nominated shtick from Rob Roy, but he didn't pursue it that much and therefore went away
quietly which is probably for the best.
Uma Thurman is okay but is mostly miscast. I'm more surprised by her less-than-stellar looks after aging a lot. I didn't
realize this until looking it up: the actor who plays King Louis XIV is Julian Sands. He looked familiar, but I
couldn't place him. Murray Lachlan Young is deliciously fun as his brother.
All in all, all the credit goes to Roland Joffé and his art team for carving a sumptuous picture out of Vatel.
The Vault of Horror (1973)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
10/21
10/21:
Coming from Tales from the Crypt, I see The Vault of Horror is more of
the same.
There are five new stories in this anthology horror picture with none of them scary. At least, the acting is fine, yet I can't
understand why no lead characters are black, Latino, etc. Some variation here would be nice instead of the usual white Brits.
Midnight Mess: This one is dull and very short. Moving on...
The Neat Job: The second best vignette of the show, I feel for Eleanor who has the impossible task of meeting Arthur
Critchit's exceedingly high standards when it comes to neatness, orderliness, and exactness.
This Trick'll Kill You: Everything looks good, but I can't help being distracted by the strings that hold up
the rope. Pretending to be an Indian, Jasmina Hilton is obviously white and can be easily mistaken for Natalie Wood.
Bargain in Death: It's another boring tripe. By the way, grave robbing was common during the 19th century, and it
was a lucrative practice for the purpose of medical studies. Baltimore was, once upon a time, the grave robbing capital of the
United States because of the six medical schools in the vincinity. Additionally, the corpses were pilfered for valuables which
were often done with the cooperation of caretakers of the cemeteries. Eventually, the whole thing ended because all of the
fifty states decided to donate the unclaimed bodies to medical schools.
Drawn and Quartered: It's maybe the best vignette of Tales from the Crypt
and The Vault of Horror combined. The story is clever, and there's an intelligent twist in regard to the safe that houses
the painting. I didn't think of it although I knew the self-portrait had to be protected at all times.
All in all, the final word in the title The Vault of Horror is misleading as it's been anything but.
Vegas Vacation (1997)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
6/06
6/06:
Gee, it's another Vacation movie with the Griswolds.
I like the Christmas version, but this one is so dismal that the weight of the whole franchise has fully collapsed. Transforming
Clark into a degenerate gambler while his daughter gets stripper work is tasteless.
The first, second, and fourth parts have the Griswolds on the road for vacation: Walley World, Europe, and Las Vegas,
respectively. Each has been either dated or a dud. Yet the third has them staying home for the holidays. Guess what?
It worked! They should perhaps give that theory a test for the next sequel...if there will be one.
The children are still a mystery to me. In the first two films, Rusty and Audrey appeared to be high schoolers. Then, the third
had Audrey in high school, but Rusty was demoted to middle school. For the fourth part, the kids are now back in high school
with Rusty looking considerably older than his sister.
Anyway, there aren't many jokes, and Eddie the weird cousin has gone completely mental, proving himself to be the most useless
figure. After getting this far, I still don't understand what his relation is to the family.
All in all, the Griswold family needs to call it quits.
Vera Cruz (1954)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
9/24
9/24:
Highly influential to The Wild Bunch and the Spaghetti Westerns by Sergio Leone,
Vera Cruz garnered a lot of solid reviews back then, and I became curious enough to check it out.
The film turns out to be very good with an interesting contrast of acting styles between Gary Cooper and Burt
Lancaster. I'm surprised to see how dominant the latter was and how well the former held his ground when lesser actors
would've been completely under his shadow.
All draped in black, Burt Lancaster plays a quite likeable character for a hard-to-figure-out heel with a violent streak,
and it's too bad to see him be gunned down with nobody telling him how much better he could be than that. The ending
is actually shocking based on how it went down, and Gary Cooper's character didn't want to do it but had to.
Shot on location in Mexico with the sight of Pyramid of the Sun in Teotihuacan, the action is aplenty with some great
movie moments. However, the editing peeves me the most. It's so herky-jerky in many places, giving me a hard time getting
used to the storytelling, which explains why Alan Crosland, Jr., never edited another film. Happily, Gary Cooper and
Burt Lancaster give more-than-enough performances to let me ignore the flaw. By the way, Vera Cruz is the
final time that Charles Bronson would be credited as Charles Buchinsky.
All in all, Vera Cruz is a watchable Western in many ways, and it ranks among ten greatest performances
ever by Burt Lancaster.
The Verdict (1982)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
9/13, 10/19
9/13:
The Verdict is a rare film that Paul Newman doesn't phone it in.
In fact, Paul Newman acts for the first time in his career, and he had gone far to admit this in interviews. Of course, the
more impossible the situation becomes, the closer to the feeling of how predictable it will be. And the outcome is no surprise.
It just had to happen.
Nevertheless, The Verdict is an enjoyable courtroom thriller at the hands of Sidney Lumet, who never fails to deliver,
which is buoyed by the strength of David Mamet's screenplay. The odds against Frank Galvin are staggering, and he's a hero
for beating them.
All in all, Paul Newman never learned how to become a totally immersed character until The Verdict.
10/19:
The Verdict is Paul Newman's finest hour of his acting career.
It's a terrific performance; that much is brilliantly shown from the get-go when Newman is playing pinball
while drinking a glass of scotch. His alcoholic character looks defeated, but when a case comes along that's
worth fighting for, he finally becomes a changed man and finds meaning in life.
The odds are incredibly long with everybody against Frank Galvin including his own clients. Even his supposedly girlfriend
has taken advantage of him. The most brazen act of the corrupt justice system is when the judge decided to question
Galvin's expert witness, purposefully sabotaging his case. His throwing out Kaitlin Costello's damaging testimony is another
instance, but there's a legal point to it. Thankfully, the jury saw through all of them and decided in favor of the
plaintiff because it was the right thing to do.
Once again, Paul Newman is brilliant. So is James Mason. Both were Oscar-nominated, and they deserved it. But honestly, Newman
should've won the Oscar over Ben Kingsley. What a powerful combination: Sidney Lumet as the director and David Mamet as the
screenwriter. By the way, while Galvin is giving his closing statement, if you look behind his clients, Bruce Willis can be
identified. Speaking of courtroom classics, Edward Binns, who plays the bishop, and Jack Warden were both jurors in Sidney
Lumet's 12 Angry Men.
All in all, when I think of great Paul Newman performances, The Verdict is right up there with
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid and
The Color of Money.
Veronica Guerin (2003)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
7/05
7/05:
ABC/KGUN TV praised Veronica Guerin as "one of the most powerful films of the year."
I must chuckle at the statement because it isn't so. Veronica Guerin is an ordinary, fake Irish picture but with a nice
ending. Unable to handle the lead role properly, Cate Blanchett is unfit to display the emotions of her character.
The movie also suffers from weak supporting performances and a difficult-to-follow story. As the drama is closer to the end,
the focus becomes sharp by finally getting to the point. Yet, at the same time, there's a lot of Irish fakery going on.
Anyway, I give high marks to two actors: Colin Farrell and Paudge Behan. Colin Farrell can act, no question. However, his screen
time is so short that he probably did it to pay his respects to Joel Schumacher for the breakthrough role in
Tigerland.
Just one thing: is there significance to his appearance in the grand scheme of things? It looks like not. As for the
ending, what's the point for the repeated line: "His assets were seized by the C.A.B."? Really, who cares?
All in all, the mere $1.5 million profit against a budget of $17 million and an investor falling asleep during the
premiere of Veronica Guerin are reasons enough not to see it.
Vertical Limit (2000)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
12/08
12/08:
I remember seeing Vertical Limit in 2000 when it came out on videotape and I couldn't stop laughing
at the preposterousness of the action scenes.
Now, I'm just bored to sleep. It's too long and lacks the Stallone effect which made
Cliffhanger so good
for an adventurous climbing picture. The worst part is the number of dramatic moments.
Instead of three or four in an ordinary picture, Vertical Limit manages to go for between thirty and forty.
Pretty soon, the race is on as each scene, no matter how impossible physics is, tries to top the last one to be the
most dramatic of them all. The action is too cheesy, and the cast has done a great job of turning in piss-poor performances.
When the entrepreneur said he wanted to be filmed atop K2 with a couple of planes flying overhead, wouldn't it be
easier to accomplish the same thing on a small but safe mountain or in front of the green screen? I'm sure nobody
will know the difference. He can always pay the big bucks to turn the lie into truth.
The rescue mission seems selfish because four people died in the process to save one life: the sister of an
enterpreuner who originated the whole thing. Montgomery Wick says that, at 24,000 feet, the vertical limit has been
officially reached and anyone above it is already dying. I wonder if the apt term should be *drum roll* "horizontal limit."
Comical is how fake the snow looks and how nobody is breathing air visibly in the cold. Instead of nitroglycerin,
why not sticks of dynamite? That Chris O'Donnell's character must be the greatest long jumper in the universe after
making the leap from one cliff to another through the thin air.
All in all, Vertical Limit is a bad, bad movie that should be ditched in favor of
Cliffhanger.
Vertigo (1958)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
6/06, 12/13
6/06:
Impatience is what I felt through Vertigo for a while, thinking it was going to be one of those films that focused
on a mundane love story with zero chemistry.
In other words, Vertigo was looking more like a typical 40-50's soap opera melodrama. Suddenly, the aftermath of
the scene atop the Bell Tower forced a huge turnaround in my perspective which led to the most volatile ending I had witnessed
in a Hitchcockian film.
I didn't see it coming, and the more I think about what happened, the more I wonder about how extremely difficult it was to
edit the movie. In short, it's the most intense psychological thriller made. All the credit goes to Kim Novak for providing most
of the impact to make the story work. James Stewart, on the other hand, is excellent as the acrophobic detective.
All in all, Vertigo is a technically, visually, psychologically, and brilliantly crafted neo-noir.
12/13:
One of the hardest accomplishments in cinema is to craft a psychological thriller picture, and there are so few that
I can define as a masterpiece.
Vertigo is among them. It's also one of the most meticulously made. All aspects including acting, screenplay,
in/exterior sets, fashion, sound, score, and cinematography come together so well that it's a rare achievement.
It exemplfies what a legendary director Alfred Hitchcock was and why his movies are still revered to this day. There's
something about them that's timeless.
All in all, Vertigo is a true representation of Alfred Hitchcock's filmmaking genius.
Vice Versa (1988)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
3/22
3/22:
I saw Vice Versa when it first came out, and the film still beats the pants off both versions of
Freaky Friday.
It's due to one reason alone: superior acting. Judge Reinhold and Fred Savage are especially memorable and do a great job. Both
are perfect playing their ages appropriately after their bodies are switched. The most amusing moment is when Charlie's
mother saw him holding a glass of martini. Corinne Bohrer isn't bad, either.
While the plot is strong which is, in many ways, a remake of many eponymous versions and also
Freaky Friday,
Vice Versa isn't outdated by any means and doesn't involve contrivances and the like. A lot of times, it's a funny
movie with a nice romance going on while a bit of Big is thrown in. As a matter of fact, Vice Versa was first
theatrically released before the other movie was. Most importantly, it begins with a good premise of why a pair of bodies might
get switched.
All in all, forget Freaky Friday; Vice Versa is the one to get.
Victory (1981)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
4/03, 5/05, 4/13, 12/16, 12/22
5/05:
Victory may be an imposter of The Great Escape, but it stands on its own.
Sylvester Stallone, while not always superb, isn't bad, and the potential of his trademark moments won't be fully
realized in time. However, I'm disgusted by the sight of the escape committee.
Gerry Fisher's cinematography is great, but to my disappointment, the action appears limited and thus not exciting enough.
Why is Pelé's screen time so short, especially during the soccer game? It's quite hard to believe. Obviously, he has
the best scene of the film: the bicycle kick, compelling Major Karl Von Steiner to stand up and cheer. It won't take a genius to
figure he'll be executed soon thereafter.
All in all, Victory is an entertaining soccer movie.
4/13:
Stallone and Pelé take on the Nazis for a game of soccer in Victory.
That's one half of it, and the other half is The Great Escape plan. There's a great style
of cinematography that's often underutilized in other films. John Huston opts for indirect screen shots which means I don't always
see the actors doing things in a straightforward way but on the oblique. Yet Pelé's limited screen time is disappointing.
All in all, Victory is an enjoyable soccer picture, no matter what time of the day is, and it's hard to think
of a better one in this particular genre.
12/16:
I've finally upped my rating of Victory to '8'.
It's still the best soccer movie I've seen, and time has been kind to it. I now notice Michael Caine is never shown
playing in the game. So, I guess he was too fat and out of shape to move. As a matter of fact, Osvaldo Ardiles said: "Awful,
and he couldn't even run 20 yards."
Also, Sylvester Stallone broke a finger while trying to stop the fast-moving ball from Pelé. An interesting link between Caine
and Stallone is the former was the original Jack Carter while the latter took over the part in the remake of
Get Carter. Now, there's no debate as to who made out better.
All in all, John Huston scores a winner in Victory, an entertaining WWII soccer picture that simply defies logic.
12/22:
The Stallone effect cannot be denied, and Victory is still the best and most entertaining soccer movie made.
All in all, RIP Pelé who'll always be the greatest football player ever lived.
Victory (1996)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
10/20
10/20:
Finely crafted, Victory has it all: exotic locales, old-fashioned storytelling, tailored costumes, antique
interior sets, and weird people.
Sure, I'm constantly reminded of Lord Jim, and it's hard to go wrong with Joseph Conrad.
The rich, realistic sketch of characters is the film's strongest point. After a while of being familiar with them, the transition
to the mystery is easily made, and it's when things start cooking.
Only the last fifteen minutes leaves me a bit disappointed. It's good, yes, but there seems some laziness on the
editing side. The narrator's gist of Axel Heyst is underwhelming, prompting me to say he didn't know him at all.
Regardless, the ambience is stunning which was shot on location in East Java.
The cast is great with Willem Dafoe and Rufus Sewell giving their best. Sam Neill plays an oddball that's hard to make heads
or tails of. Irène Jacob is fine but can be lacking at times. Then again, her character is supposed to betray Heyst,
but he's too blind to sense it. Jean Yanne is fun to watch. Given his small role, Simon Callow embarrasses himself by
going back to Amadeus.
All in all, Victory may be a low-key picture, but it's quite enjoyable on the whole with many likeable elements.
Videodrome (1983)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
11/04, 7/07
7/07:
For a while, Videodrome has something going and then disappears if it's sucked into James Woods' belly like his gun.
A lot of what I've seen is downright bizarre and makes absolutely no sense.
The Brood worked well because of the
well-crafted story. But in Videodrome, David Cronenberg decides to get weird and therefore goes too far. How does he
expect me to take the material seriously?
I guess his modus operandi goes like this: start the movie off in a normal manner, let it lose grip on reality, descend
in a freefall with mind-numbing symbolisms, and shut me out while exploring the never-never land to the point of no return.
If there's anything positive to say, James Woods' performance is what kept me awake.
All in all, David Cronenberg needs to learn how to tone down on the flesh and stick with reality more.
A View to a Kill (1985)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
10/14
10/14:
Anyone thinking that it's awesome to see Grace Jones in a Bond film is out of his mind.
Instead of the intended title, it has been A Vagina to a Kill the entire time. James Bond sets a franchise
record for the most women bedded in a single film: four. Probably the most shocking moment for many hypocritical Christians
and members of the Church of England is the sight of him shagging an extremely dark-skinned lass.
Already too old, Roger Moore sleepwalks through his role for the final time before Timothy Dalton is set to take over for the
next two Bond pictures. Christopher Walken can brag the rest of his life that he was a Bond villain despite doing nothing
special. Don't blink, or you'll miss Dolph Lundgren who makes his film debut as the bodyguard during one scene at the horse
racetrack. He would learn how to pronounce the immortal words "I must break you" for
Rocky IV the following year.
All in all, like many James Bond clunkers, A Vagina to a Kill isn't anything new.
Village of the Damned (1995)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
9/12
9/12:
File John Carpenter under "What the Heck Happened to Him?"
It's an understatement because he used to churn out the best stuff during the late 70's and most of the 80's.
Thereafter, he fell off the map. He would resurface by making crappy horror films that were nowhere near his usual
standard, and one of them is Village of the Damned. As a matter of fact, I prefer this title:
Village of Jor-El's Damned Children.
It deserves a '1' from me because of Kirstie Alley's horrible channeling of Lauren Bacall/Kathleen Turner (just take
your pick, it doesn't matter) with her chain-smoking shtick. To top it off, when the women are allowed the decision to
abort their fetus after being mysteriously impregnated by the wind and knowing they didn't have sex for a long time,
they decide against it. Yeah, the results will be obvious in the long run that bad things are bound to happen.
When the pack of Jor-El's children are walking around like that, it's clear they should be locked up and studied by experts.
But what the hey...where were they the entire time? Speaking of Jor-El, it's hard to believe they aren't his kids. Hey,
how come none of them is black? Oh, oh...my bad, it's verboten to start a racial Jor-El/Superman controversy. Sorry,
sorry, I is sorry.
All in all, Village of Jor-El's Damned Children is truly damned.
Villain (1971)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
3/17
3/17:
Villain is a great disappointment when compared to Get Carter.
The chief problems are many and should've been easily fixed. Awful to begin with is the screenplay.
If you can believe this, it was penned by two comedy television writers plus Al Lettieri of
The Godfather fame.
Either Richard Burton doesn't look right for the lead role or isn't given much to work with. Thinking his star power
would be enough to make any bad film fly, he was dead wrong, and it clearly shows in Villain.
The action is boring with a pedestrian pace. Hardly much happens; the only interesting part is when Vic Dakin
revealed his rough side to whet his homosexual appetite. A lot of reviewers have called Villain the British version of
White Heat, but it's not true. Vic just happens to have a mother, nothing more.
All in all, Villain is so bad that the great Richard Burton can't save it.
Vincent & Theo (1990)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
5/16, 5/19
5/16:
Vincent & Theo presents a story about Vincent van Gogh and how he was helped by his brother Theo to devote his passion
wholly to oil painting.
In many ways, the storytelling structure reminds me of Amadeus. My favorite part is the
introduction when the auctioneer of Christie's was repeatedly quoting bid prices of the über-famous painting
Vase with Fifteen Sunflowers.
It does put the story of Vincent van Gogh's life into perspective. In fact, he sold only one painting during his lifetime, just
a few months before his death, and struggled for the most part, living in penury while pouring all money into his work.
The reality is that Vincent van Gogh was a late bloomer, having started painting at the age of 28 and committed suicide by
shooting himself in the belly nine years later. He suffered from mental and physical stress by working at a feverish pace
to produce 2,100 artworks which include approximately 850 oil paintings with most of them in the last two years of his life.
Back to the film. Tim Roth is an amazing actor. I cannot think of anything he wasn't good in. Playing as Vincent
van Gogh and never overacting, it may be the best performance of his career with Archibald Cunningham from
Rob Roy coming in a close second. Let's not fail to mention how good Paul Rhys is.
What I love the most is the cinematography. Robert Altman has always been an eccentric director, but he gets everything right
in Vincent & Theo. In The Long Goodbye, the zoom effect was applied too excessively,
but this one, it's just perfect: always at the right time and in moderation. Moreover, the contrast of colors is simply unbelievable.
All in all, Vincent & Theo should be checked out for the remarkable acting performance by Tim Roth.
5/19:
14 million pounds. 14.5 million pounds. Do you want it at 15 million pounds? 15 million pounds. 15.5 million pounds...
Devoting his life entirely to oil painting, Vincent van Gogh earned almost no money during his lifetime and killed himself
at the age of 37. His brother, Theo, passed away six months later from a disease of the brain. It would take over sixtysomething
years for Vincent to be finally recognized. Today, he's arguably the most famous oil painter who ever lived.
There are two exemplary movies about Vincent van Gogh's life: Lust for Life with Kirk Douglas and Vincent & Theo
with Tim Roth. Of the former, the documentation began with Irving Stone's eponymous book in 1934, and not many knew who
the artist was. The latter, Tim Roth is nothing short of astonishing. He's absolutely absorbed into his character,
making himself real. Paul Rhys is perfect as his brother.
All in all, because of Vincent & Theo and Rob Roy, Tim Roth put himself in the
pantheon of master actors.
Violent Is the Word for Curly (1938)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
12/07
12/07:
Lame is the word for Curly (and everybody else for that matter).
All in all, Violent Is the Word for Curly is a genuine waste of time.
The Virgin Suicides (1999)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
5/15
5/15:
The Virgin Suicides is nepotism at its finest.
It's not a question of "who do you know?" but "who are you related to?" If you're familiar, right from the outset,
with the production company American Zoetrope which was founded by Francis Ford Coppola and George Lucas, then you
can see where this is heading to.
Backed by its financing, Sofia Coppola, Francis' daughter who's infamous for
The Godfather Part III, makes her
directing debut in The Virgin Suicides. Eventually, she went on to receive an undeserving Best Director
Oscar for Lost in Translation and hasn't done anything noteworthy ever since. Ah, nepotism is king. Once again,
it's "who are you related to?" but not "who do you know?"
Back to The Virgin Suicides, it's a horrible movie. Every scene has to be implicitly sexual as possible, and the setting
takes place during the 70's. Nothing I've seen is believable or remotely close to the era. The amount of pretentiousness
that's shoved down my throat has left me gagging for air.
It's about five white, blonde, blue-eyed sisters, who are highly revered by their perverted male classmates, following Cecilia's
path after she committed suicide for reasons that aren't made clear. What do I care about them? They're just repressed sexpots. By
using them, it becomes manipulation. People, especially young kids, don't commit suicide because they're bored. There must be
plenty of serious issues for it to happen. Hence, what I saw in The Virgin Suicides isn't realistic.
I hate these mental midget boys. They're not in love with the girls but want to see
them naked and bang the hell out of them before moving on with their fucked-up lives. It's sad to see James Woods be
reduced to this sorry state of a pathetic character. In real life, he would've taken off his glasses, grabbed the
dipshits by their throats, and screamed at them: "I am James Fucking Woods, you fucking cocksuckers!"
Even more sad is the sight of Kathleen Turner who looks practically unrecognizable. I can't believe how much her looks
had gone away since Body Heat. The truth is she was suffering from rheumatoid arthritis which
forced her to take medication and undergo multiple surgeries that resulted in weight gain. To combat the pain, she drank heavily.
Meanwhile, Scott Glenn and Danny DeVito are apparently in the film because of Sofia's father. As for the rest of the cast,
forget them. Look at Josh Hartnett and his fake hair...what a terrible actor.
All in all, nepotism doesn't wash with me.
Virtuosity (1995)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
1/06
1/06:
In Virtuosity, Denzel Washington gives a commanding performance, but why he decided to take on a sci-fi picture is
beyond me.
In fact, he said in interviews that his son told him to do the film. It sounds like an excuse, eh Denzel?
Plot? Missing. Logic? There's so little of it that the apprehension and capture of SID 6.7 have been mishandled.
I don't understand the movie because in the virtual world, SID 6.7 can do anything, but when transported to the real world,
he's not bound by the same laws of physics that we live by. Also, if Denzel Washington's character is subject to them as well
in the real world, then why doesn't it happen for him in the virtual world?
SID 6.7 is supposed to be an ultra-killing machine, but only a couple of people, instead of thousands, are going after him.
Hm, that's an interesting way of handling the matter. Given the same theme, Demolition Man is better than
Virtuosity because Wesley Snipes is a lot more fun to watch than Russell Crowe.
All in all, Denzel Washington doesn't belong in sci-fi.
Vision Quest (1985)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
3/14
3/14:
Vision Quest is my favorite Matthew Modine picture.
A poor man's Jeff Bridges, he's quirky, charming, and likeable who makes the role work. Linda Fiorentino is surprisingly
good and effective as Carla the tough Jersey girl. Everybody else is superb as well. The whole plot is believable. I love the
energy, and it's one of those feel-good films not afraid to tackle serious questions. The best of them all is how
realistic the high school wrestling scene looks.
I wrestled in public and school leagues for a decade and had gone to tournaments almost every weekend during winters,
watched thousands of matches, and witnessed many dramatic moments. It's a rare sport that anybody can beat anyone which
only takes determination and attitude. Just ask Larry Owings when he handed Dan Gable his first loss in high school
and college combined.
I've seen a girl pin a boy even though he, prior to the match, bragged to me of having an easy go at it.
I've seen a nobody take down a state champion. I've seen a multiple AAU national champion go through high school
and fail to place once in the states. I've seen a free-spirited kid who only wrestled for fun beat a state
champion and stopped wrestling afterwards. Again and again, I've seen an unseeded nobody take down
seeded wrestlers to win the entire tournament.
I've seen some of the most thrilling matches that made the people in the stands to shake the building. I've seen a wrestler
to go through high school undefeated and then get beaten silly in college. I've seen a flabby pushover to become really good
within a few years and take the high school district title. I've seen a wrestler be paralyzed on the mat after he's warned
not to face his overweight opponent. I've seen a wrestler winning multiple state championships only to end up in
prison for good.
But there's only one thing I've never seen, and it's a coach in his singlet during practice. So yeah...this Brian Shute
thing happens all the time. Vision Quest gets just everything about right. The only complaint I have is that
Louden's nosebleed appeared minor and shouldn't have resulted in medical forfeit. It happens all the time and is a natural part
of wrestling. Thus, the job done on his nose wasn't handled properly.
All in all, Vision Quest definitely gets the high school wrestling part right.
¡Viva Zapata! (1952)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
9/14
9/14:
Anthony Quinn won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor in ¡Viva Zapata!?
Um...okay. He barely did anything. I think it was to make up for the fact that Anthony Quinn, an actual Mexican,
got turned down for the leading role which went to Marlon Brando who's merely above average. However, I can't excuse
his brownface which looks ridiculous. He's a lot more Chinese than Mexican. Similarly, many of the others
are brownfaced, heightening the unbelievability of it all.
What helps the disjointed film the most is Joe MacDonald's cinematography. It's uniformly outstanding throughout.
But is ¡Viva Zapata! a good movie? That, I will have to say no. Sometimes, the story is confusing and doesn't make
sense. I fail to see how the revolution went from A to B to C and so on. That being said, Elia Kazan
is clearly out of his league, and John Steinbeck should've stuck to books, not screenplays.
All in all, what a bad turkey ¡Viva Zapata! is.
Volunteers (1985)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
8/04
8/04:
Don't be fooled by the sight of John Candy on the DVD cover of Volunteers or by the fact that he and Tom Hanks are cast.
It's a bad movie. Is it supposed to be a comedy or an action-adventure? Into the blender are bad jokes, psychotic
John Candy, and The Bridge on the River Kwai, and the result is: Volunteers.
I was expecting plenty of fun from John Candy and Tom Hanks. So, what the heck happened? The lack of chemistry between Tom
Hanks and Rita Wilson pulls the show down further. What's hard to believe is they both got married in real life afterwards.
All in all, Volunteers is best picked up with a pooper-scooper.
Von Ryan's Express (1965)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
1/08, 2/24
1/08:
Von Ryan's Express is a major disappointment.
Think of the movie as The Great Escape meets
The Train but with less energy. The biggest letdown
is the ending. There are other faults as well. It's probable Frank Sinatra took a lot away from the
much-needed creativity that the screenplay started with. However, I'm impressed, but not a whole lot, with the tautness
which is enough to make it a suspenseful picture for a while.
As for the faults, first of all, there needs to be an hour more for proper character development. Frank Sinatra doesn't
have enough mystique to be interesting as Colonel Joseph Ryan. Had Steve McQueen been substituted, Von Ryan's Express
might have been a more explosive picture. Second, the editing is uneven. It sometimes moves fast, and I'm unable
to keep up with the dialogue, forcing me to rewind a little. There have been continuity problems, too.
Third, the story is simple, especially how the events unfolded. I question the moment when the men found railroad
tools in a small shed. Is it possible during WWII that they would be left there like that? Fourth, when a movie
aims to be exciting, they should make sure it ends with a bang. But in this one, I was like, "That's it?"
On the positive side, Von Ryan's Express is almost a thinking man's movie, especially during the little
escape attempts and dangerous conflicts. The cinematography is picturesque, and the action is pleasantly well-done.
Another aspect I like is the inclusion of different languages. So often, foreign characters would speak only English.
But not this time as Germans speak their language, Italians speak their language, and, of course, English is thrown in for
convenience's sake.
All in all, Von Ryan's Express is a puppy as compared to The Great Escape.
2/24:
Raising my rating from '5' to '7', Von Ryan's Express isn't bad this time around.
It has a beginning, a middle, and an end. The story is fully developed. Not much is faked with the exception of people being
killed through gunfire. Many scenes were shot on location in Italy. What I appreciate the most is the characters of different
nationalities speaking their own language which is unusual for a major Hollywood picture.
Frank Sinatra is fine; he carries the movie well but can be arrogant at times, making sure nobody but him is the boss. Trevor
Howard is okay but is relegated to the sidelines due to Sinatra's powerful insistence. As the Italian translator, Sergio
Fantoni is helpful, and Edward Mulhare steals the show for a while, playing a convincing priest-turned-Nazi-officer.
I can't complain too much about the action, but it's not exciting enough like, say, The Train.
Forget what I said in
the last review about the railroad tools alongside the track; it seems plausible enough. The ending looks
overwhelming because of numerous German soldiers, so it's reasonable that Frank Sinatra's character paid the ultimate price.
All in all, Von Ryan's Express is a good WWII escapist thriller.