H List of Movie Reviews
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Hackers (1995)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
3/04, 3/25
3/25:
Not many people know that Angelina Jolie used to be married to Jonny Lee Miller.
Anyway, Hackers works, and I prefer it over The Net. Yeah,
the acting seems poor and a bit cheesy, but I think it's fine because they're supposed to be high school kids.
The hardest part to swallow is a bunch of known hackers are in one place when they should be
anonymous and spread out in the United States. Nonetheless, that's a good joke in regard to the pool on the roof.
The lack of coding is the most disappointing part of the film. This isn't how hacking works. If it was that
simple, then everybody would be doing it. On the surface, the story is acceptable, but I know computer
graphics were primitive in 1995 due to low bandwidth. Remember the 3.5-inch floppy drive used
to hold 1.44 megabytes. One mere high-definition picture today won't be able to fit into that.
Two of the top games at the time were The 7th Guest and Under a Killing Moon which had to be
played on a CD-ROM drive, and yet the graphics weren't that great....just too much pixelating. But in
Hackers, everything shown is mind-blowing and quite advanced. Obviously, it's misleading to anyone
who wasn't alive or hadn't paid attention back then.
No matter how unbelievable the whole thing is, the cast isn't bad and is almost age-appropriate although the
ever-annoying Matthew Lillard can be hard to stand. Having Angelina Jolie on board helps a lot due to her
sex appeal, so the film's deficiencies can be glossed over. It's actually one of the better performances
of her career. I also like Fisher Stevens as the Plague.
All in all, although not deep, Hackers has appealing visuals and moves well.
Half Moon Street (1986)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
8/20
8/20:
Sigourney Weaver and Michael Caine in the same film is the biggest treat of Half Moon Street, a
well-directed sexy neo-noir.
I wish I can say the movie is unpredictable, but it's not. For starters, the free apartment given to Dr.
Slaughter by Karim is a dead giveaway that there's definitely a catch. Of course, Slaughter is being spied upon,
and the rest of the way, she's used as a pawn to trap Lord Bulbeck ultimately. Fortunately, for her, he and his
men were prepared at the end.
Regardless, Half Moon Street is enjoyable with terrific performances coming from the two leads. Sigourney
Weaver may have been Oscar-nominated for Working Girl, but she deserves it
more for this performance as a high-class call girl with total confidence and is never afraid of being naked.
Bob Swaim didn't direct many pictures during his career. The other one I liked is
Masquerade with Rob Lowe and Meg Tilly. Bob has a good style, and I wish
he did more films in the same vein.
All in all, I'll take Half Moon Street over Klute.
Halloween (1978)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
12/05, 3/08
12/05:
Halloween is universally regarded as one of the best suspenseful horror movies made, and I agree with it.
John Carpenter's setup of the atmosphere is brilliant. So is his idea of putting on a simple white Shatner mask over Michael
Myers' face. He's like a robot with no feelings. Jamie Lee Curtis is the indisputable queen of scream. Her name
will live forever in the annals of horror cinema.
All in all, Halloween is a John Carpenter masterpiece.
3/08:
Dropping my rating of '10' to '8' for Halloween, the movie is an imbalanced tale.
The first seventy-five minutes is tedious to sit through, forcing me to wait for something to happen. It's all about the
buildup. Finally, the last fifteen minutes is what Halloween is all about which is very good and masterful.
A couple of questions: One, why did Laurie Strode either drop or not try to procure the killer's knife despite
thinking that she killed him? Two, can I at least be acquainted with Michael Myers' psychiatric file? It'll clear up some of the
mystery. Dr. Loomis' platitudes such as "The evil has escaped" and "He had the devil's eyes" aren't
helpful. Cementing her status as the "scream queen," Jamie Lee Curtis gives the best performance, probably of her career.
All in all, Halloween is the mother of all teen slasher flicks and remains inimitable.
Halloween 4:
The Return of Michael Myers (1988)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
11/06, 3/08
11/06:
My rating of Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers might have gone up a lot higher if and only if I knew what the
purpose of the movie was!!!
Suspenseful moments are aplenty throughout. However, there's no explanation as to why Michael Myers had become
this kind of sadistic murderer or what his motivation was. It's just kill, kill, kill like the robotic villains from
Friday the 13th, A Nightmare on Elm Street, and
Phantasm.
All in all, Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers is an okay horror sequel but doesn't seem to go anywhere.
3/08:
Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers is the beginning of the end for the franchise.
Refreshing my memory of what happened in Halloween II, Dr. Loomis turned on the gas chamber, flicked a lighter, and
blew himself up to death along with Michael Myers. Hence, the killer's body was completely charred and burned to a crisp.
Coming back for the third (well, technically the second) sequel, Michael Myers' skin looks new, indicating that what happened
in the second part never occurred. Dr. Loomis also appears but this time is sporting a small scar on his face. It's amazing
how these people can survive and look great after being blown up into smithereens.
Anyway, Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers is your basic money-making formulaic horror flick going through the
motions. It's just kill, kill, kill. The end. Lights come on. Thank you for paying, get the fuck out, and please come back
for the next sequel. How can the relatives of Michael Myers' family tree be so stupid to stay in Haddonfield again? What
happened to Laurie Strode? Won't it make a lot sense to throw Michael Myers' body into some tank that's filled with
boiling liquefied metal?
All in all, I'll rather see a Halloween sequel entitled William Shatner Meets Michael Myers.
Halloween 5:
The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
11/06, 3/08
11/06:
We're back to the same nonsense in Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers.
So, what else is new? The short answer is nothing. It has been kill, kill, (*yawn* I'm getting bored), kill. It's hard
to believe Danielle Harris' character is treated nicely by her stepsister after she, in fact, killed her real mother.
All in all, intelligence is seriously lacking in Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers.
3/08:
We have a winner!
Among ten worst Halloween picture? Top five? The worst ever of the franchise? Yes, it is!
Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers flat-out sucks. It's the stupidest, most boring, and absolutely the
stupidest thing I've seen. I can't help but fall asleep by the minute.
Who's the man with the boots? Why is the movie called Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers when the guy is
killing everybody but Jamie Lloyd? What's the old woman doing at the loud party? Has Dr. Loomis finally gone psycho? Is the
real villain actually Dr. Loomis instead of Michael Myers? Can we just accept the fact that nobody can outrun a car, no matter
how slow it goes?
When the car blew up with Michael Myers in it, his mask and clothes should've been burned. In spite of
countless cops surrounding Michael Myers' old house, there's none to be seen when the slasher finally shows up. The cop in the
attic with Jamie has to be the most useless idiot I've seen. I can't understand the need for Michael Myers to rest up in some
hole for a year before attacking again. What the heck is he doing in his spare time...playing cards with chipmunks?
All in all, Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers is your typical cash cow sequel.
Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
3/08
3/08:
Halloween H20: 20 Years Later gives Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers a serious run for its money as
the worst Halloween picture made.
It's that bad and not to forget to mention it's hippy, lame, boring, and pointless. There's too much profanity, way
more than all of the Halloween pictures combined. The worst part is how Michael Myers acts, walks, and moves.
Instead of the imposing two-hundred pound slashing killer as seen in the previous sequels, he looks like a thinnish
seventeen-year-old hipster doofus with manicured hands who thinks he has the part down pat.
Plus, his mask looks ridiculous; the way the eyeholes are cut wide open is unbelievable. Even worse,
different masks are used throughout, contributing to the inconsistency in his character. That's when I knew it was no longer
a Halloween movie but some bastardized version.
The plot seems to skip what happened in parts four, five, and six, only to be concerned with the first two pictures. I
assume the producers refused to acknowledge the previous three sequels because they didn't make enough money to match their
expectations. Jamie Lee Curtis is only in this for promotional purposes. So is her mother Janet Leigh (Marion Crane as
in ka-ching, get it?). As for everybody else, they're awful. Josh Hartnett and L.L. Cool J in a Halloween
flick, anyone?
All in all, Halloween H20: 20 Years Later throws away the past by going "new school."
Halloween II (1981)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
12/05, 3/08
12/05:
The best part about Halloween II is it picks up exactly where the original left off.
It's a good movie although derivative. Extra details about Michael Myers are revealed, clearing up the mystery some more. John
Carpenter did a great job of setting up the atmosphere in Halloween, but sadly, his replacement decided to go with
the slash-and-blood route while borrowing some elements from the original.
All in all, Halloween II is an okay sequel that's neither bad nor boring.
3/08:
Although Halloween II is a decent sequel, there are some things I don't like.
Having Leo Rossi in the cast is the first mistake. In case if you don't know who he is, he played the jerk in
The Accused who coaxed Jodie Foster's character to ram her car into his truck. The second mistake is letting the film
be annoying by not providing any clarity to the mystery of Michael Myers. The only bone thrown out is the revelation of
Laurie Strode's identity as Michael Myers' sister. Wow, that's all? The third, which is more of a 20/20 hindsight, is
Dr. Loomis dies in this yet still comes back for future sequels. He's also tiresome for his wild-eyed talks and
seems to be a certified lunatic, especially after the way he waved his gun around in public.
As for the positives, the film is fine with plenty of suspense. I like the continuation from the
original with no serious changes. However, I'm disappointed to see how little has buzzed in Haddonfield given
the series of murders which will have roused a sleepy town into a frenzy.
One of the better scenes is when Michael Myers walked through a glass door. Yet I'm surprised he can't manage to stop
the closing door when he came to the elevator, let alone the fact that they automatically open when something is in the way.
Also, he can't be aggressive enough when grabbing Laurie Strode when she's about to escape through the little window
in the basement? I've got to admit, the mask on Michael Myers looks silly. It's like he had a blond dye job. Maybe he should
take a powder break first?
All in all, Halloween II avoids being a run-of-the-mill slasher film by providing some redeeming qualities.
Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
11/06, 3/08
11/06:
Halloween III: Season of the Witch is a great horror film, yet there are so much wrong with it.
Okay fine, so what if Michael Myers isn't featured this time? The series can use the break before he goes back to his usual
slice-and-dice ways. It's cool when there's a Scooby-Doo moment.
Tom Atkins infuses his brand of neo-noir into the film, and it's fun to follow his character. It would have been nice if
he did that in more horror films. As well-crafted as the plot is, I know there's a big leap in logic at the end when he made
a phone call to the cable network, exhorting it to shut down the commercial nationwide. Impossible.
All in all, Halloween III: Season of the Witch is an enjoyable horror film with an amble sprinkling of neo-noir
elements.
3/08:
The series takes a bizarre detour as Halloween III: Season of the Witch abruptly drops Michael Myers (well, he makes
a cameo via Movie of the Night) and subsequently goes in a new direction.
I still remember the first time I played it way back in the 80's and asked myself if I got the wrong movie. Last time, I thought
it was good, earning a rating of '8' from me. Now, it's terrible. There are many problems with editing, continuity, and story.
Although the premise is interesting, there's a lot of Invasion of the Body Snatchers going on. The coincidences are
too much: Santa Mira, the transformed obedient citizens, the telephone operators, the doctor character, the female lover who
changes to a robot (which is hard to believe, if you ask me), and the proliferation of Halloween masks instead of seed pods.
I'm a fan of Tom Atkins, but the director has failed him big time while Tom attempted to infuse neo-noir feel
into the sequel. It should've worked, but the negatives, although there's plenty of horror, are too much to overcome.
By the way, while I was reading the title sequence at the begining, I saw Dan O'Herlihy's name and thought it might be him
from Death Wish 3 until I looked at his hair and wondered if there was a relation. Hence, it turns out to be so:
Dan O'Herlihy and Gavan O'Herlihy are father and son. Very cool stuff. Back to the film, what I can't understand is how the
bad guys, working around a ring that's centered in some big room, didn't notice Tom Atkins' character sneaking in. These people
standing in front of the computer, what are they doing?
If the curse is set to begin at nine o'clock P.M., that will mean it's midnight in the east coast. So, if that's the case,
then I doubt the kids, at least most of them, will be staying up late for trick-or-treating or pulling pranks. Worse, if
it goes as planned, I highly doubt most will catch the commercial at the precise time. Oh, yeah, the phone call made to the
television network to shut down the national commercial will never happen in a million of years.
Usually when a product is sold, there will be somebody keen enough to analyze the composition scientifically. Hence, how
come the magnetic button wasn't noticed by millions of people and then further looked at by a few? It'll have ended the plan
and thus the movie rather quickly. Every time the yellow blood oozed from the robots, I immediately thought of
Phantasm.
How about some originality here? Notice the witch in the movie poster...where was he in the film?
In one particular scene, Tom Atkins' character initially entered the room at the motel. It's dark outside as he closed the
door. Yet there's sunlight before and after. So, this made me think: they filmed this part, took a break, and then continued
with shooting. Somehow, they forgot about the middle and decided to make up for it before putting three of them
together to make the sequence. Pretty bad, isn't it?
All in all, Halloween III: Season of the Witch is not horrible, but it's unoriginal that's plagued with many problems,
especially in editing.
Halloween: Resurrection (2002)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
3/08
3/08:
Hallelujah.
It's the final sequel of the Halloween franchise. If there will be another in the future, count me out. I've
had enough. I kept lowering my expectations every time there's a Halloween sequel. But Halloween: Resurrection
did surprise me, and it's actually good.
Out is the old formula, in is the new twist to get things going by making it fun. The camera work is great, and the premise is
interesting. It's a cross between The Blair Witch Project and EDtv with Michael Myers into the mix. Sometimes,
the movie is hilarious. One hysterical scene occurs when there are two Michael Myers at the same time and Busta Rhymes yells at
the real Michael Myers to go away so he can do his own thing.
An intriguing aspect is getting the audience within the movie involved while playing out the drama for the real audience.
Yeah, it sounds a lot like EDtv, but there's something unique about this because somebody from the audience actually
interacts with the character of the show.
The reason why the franchise had become stagnant is the Strode/relative motive; it was getting tiresome. Taking a different route
is the right idea, and the result is a drastic improvement in how Michael Myers is being used. I pointed out in my review of the
previous sequel that Michael Myers looked like a hipster doofus who didn't resemble the killer from the past five sequels (minus
one). Hence, seeing him now, I knew Rick Rosenthal figured out the problem and fixed it. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised because
he directed Halloween II.
The true star of the show is Busta Rhymes, who brings the same brand of humor from Shaft, and he
delivers the attitude that he isn't the dude to screw around with. Busta has one brilliant scene when he crashed through the
door before getting up, eyeing Michael Myers up and down, and yelling at him, "Trick or treat, motherfucker!"
All in all, Halloween: Resurrection is a breath of fresh air.
Halloween:
The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
3/08
3/08:
Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers is a considerable improvement over Halloween III: Season of the Witch
and Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers.
Unfortunately, this sixth installment is bogged down with dumb parts, making it hard to compete with
Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers. The movie seems fresh and energetic this time, and the acting isn't
bad. The story behind Michael Myers has been advanced yet is still nonsensical.
At the beginning, why would Jamie Lloyd be so dumb to deliver baby in some dungeon instead of a regular hospital?
How could anyone working at the bus station overlook the baby in the bathroom, let alone not cleaning up the spilled blood
everywhere? When Tommy Doyle showed up at the hospital seeking medical help for the baby, why was the receptionist calling for
security? What did he do wrong?
Dr. Loomis, played by Donald Pleasence for the final on-screen appearance prior to his death, is now more restrained and
controlled than ever. He may have been prescribed with lots of medication, so he can be lucid for once. The explanation of the
mystery man in black boots as seen in the previous sequel is hardly acceptable because there's one thing for sure: Dr. Loomis
would've recognized him right away, especially in a small town like Haddonfield. Speaking of Haddonfield, is it time for
everybody to move the hell out and live somewhere else in peace? Once again, the lack of cops, after all have happened, is
still amazing.
In the second part, Dr. Loomis was blown up, and in the fifth, he seemed to drop dead by a heart attack or running
out of air. In this sequel, he comes back from the dead, and his scar looks much improved now. Give him two years, and his
face will be looking new as ever.
All in all, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers lacks intelligence.
Halls of Montezuma (1951)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
2/24
2/24:
Taken from the powerful opening line of the United States Marine Corps' official hymn, Halls of Montezuma is a WWII
picture in the Pacific that paints the obvious: war is hell.
Well, it's dull to watch. A situation has developed, and there's a countdown to defuse it. So, soldiers get the job done while
some die, and the end. That's terrific. While at it, men forego wearing their helmet, especially when the bunker is being
bombed so often and rocks are constantly falling down. Ditto for while on the battlefield.
Richard Widmark is a natural leader. I wondered if he served in the military, but he didn't due to his perforated eardrum. The
most decorated actor of the ensemble is Neville Brand although he's not shown much. He saw action at the Battle of the Bulge
and was awarded the Silver Star. Everybody else is fair except for Skip Homeier who plays a flaming queer living a lie.
All in all, I'm surprised at Lewis Milestone for failing to separate Halls of Montezuma from the pack because of what
he did with the 1930 Best Picture Winner: All Quiet on the Western Front.
Hamburger Hill (1987)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
6/17
6/17:
Many Vietnam veterans swear by Hamburger Hill as the most realistic picture of what it's like to fight in the Vietnam War.
I avoided it for many years for being too low-level due to a no-name cast and a possible rip-off of
Platoon, a film
I had seen at least six times and thought of it as the gold standard. After seeing Hamburger Hill, I'm changing my tune.
I'm going to have to say it's the most realistic of any war picture.
What makes the film impressive is how consistent it is compared to what I've read about combat duty. This one is brutal
and holds nothing back including Braveheart-style injuries, fratricide, FNG mistakes, cowardice, chickenshit duties,
disease, mud, enemy radio pleas, resentment for the AOs, camaraderie, racial tensions, abandonment by loved ones back home,
and the yearning of getting back to the States, among other things.
It scores points in language, GI slang, equipment details, numerous helicopters across the sky, basic training
knowledge, field condition, sound and sight, youth of soldiers, etc. This is impressive compared to other
Vietnam pictures such as Platoon, The Deer Hunter,
Full Metal Jacket, The Green Berets, and Apocalypse Now.
Another positive attribute is how black soldiers are portrayed compared to their white counterparts and the way they've been
sacrificed like lambs due to the color of their skin. Many veterans praised Courtney B. Vance for his accurate medic skill.
This point is critical because medics were considered the most valuable unit on the battlefield during the Vietnam War.
What's ironic about Hamburger Hill is it showed how the men fought in the battle and what they went through yet felt
so anti-war because of the futility of it all. As a matter of fact, the Battle of Hamburger Hill was fought from
May 10 to 20, 1969. It was actually called "Hill 937" because that's how high it was in meters. It was later renamed
"Hamburger Hill" due to the soldiers being chewed up as if they went through a grinder while trying to capture it which
resulted in a 70 percent casualty rate. There was little strategic value in the hill, and it was therefore abandoned on
June 5, triggering an intense wave of criticism which caused the White House to begin the end of major ground combat operations.
All in all, if you have to pick one movie when it comes to what it's like to fight in a war, go with Hamburger Hill.
Hamlet (1990)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
11/17
11/17:
Good grief.
Mad Max does Hamlet. Oh, the horror...the horror. Like all Shakespeare pictures because of the dated language, Hamlet
is unspeakably boring. It's two hours and fifteen minutes long which is impossible. I did finish the movie in
two weeks after many, many sittings.
The language doesn't sound like Shakespeare but is more of gibberish Shakespeare. That's why Daniel Day-Lewis never did this
crap after supposedly seeing his father's ghost while performing the titular character in 1989.
Hamlet began the founding of Icon Productions because no major studios wanted to finance a Shakespearean picture (no
shit). Eventually, it produced the Oscar winner Braveheart, an epic I had yearned to watch again while suffering through
this deplorable film. The most awful performance award goes to Helena Bonham Carter who doesn't belong
in a Shakespeare film. All she can do is look cute while showing off her big wide eyes.
All in all, Mel Gibson's hair is the only fascinating part of Hamlet.
Hamlet (2000)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
2/19
2/19:
Don't pay any attention to the movie poster of Ethan Hawke.
Such images are easy to fool people into thinking the actual product will be good. It's how I got duped. Initially
apprehensive, I was hoping hard that Hamlet contained none of the Shakespearean language by keeping
everything modern as possible, but alas, I was dead wrong.
Sorry, there's nothing positive to say. It simply put me to sleep. Unsurprisingly, the movie barely made money. It's probable
the potential viewers heard about Julia Stiles' cringeworthy crying scenes and decided to opt out.
All in all, one cinema version of Hamlet is enough, and that's Laurence Olivier's.
The Hand (1981)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
10/19
10/19:
Many great directors had done a horror movie before going on to do important pictures: Michael Curtiz
(Mystery of the Wax Museum), Francis Ford Coppola
(Dementia 13), Brian De Palma (Sisters), Steven
Spielberg (Jaws), James Cameron (Piranha II: The Spawning), and
Ridley Scott (Alien).
Now, Oliver Stone can be added to the list for The Hand, his second ever feature film. To be fair, I don't view
it as a horror movie but a psychological thriller. He'll grace himself on the silver screen by playing a bum.
If not for Michael Caine, there's a good chance the movie would have been derivative. Yet he's the one who kept me engaged
because of his great character work. Due to the success of Dressed to Kill, Michael Caine was eager to do another
suspense-thriller movie, but more importantly, he needed to make a down payment for a new garage he was having built for
his house.
Jon Lansdale's marriage was already dead before he lost his hand (how it happened is the best scene of the film, mind you).
It's his most prized possession for the moneymaking ability to produce a "who cares?" comic strip. Once the hand is
gone, slowly goes his sanity. In a way, it reminds me of the children from The Brood by acting out
his true feelings. The cut-off lizard part is an excellent metaphor.
If there's anything I dislike, it's the limb getting too much attention as an attempt to turn The Hand into
a schlock horror movie. It's not necessary because Michael Caine's virtuoso acting is more than enough to make
the plot work. Yet the rest of the cast looks uninspired.
Speaking of Jon Lansdale's hand, he's fitted with a mechanical replacement. At one point, he was cooking dinner and decided to
use his hand to handle the beef patty before making a mess of it. All I could think of is: "How the fuck is he
going to clean it up and pick the itty-bitty gunk out of the metal? What's he going to do...soak the metal in water?"
All in all, Michael Caine proves in The Hand that it can sometimes take a great actor to save an otherwise
run-of-the-mill film.
The Hand That Rocks the Cradle (1992)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
4/25
4/25:
The Hand That Rocks the Cradle finished in the top ten at the box office because of the premise.
I think people wanted to see another Sleeping with the Enemy.
During the same year, Single White Female came along in eight months.
Of these three films, The Hand that Rocks the Cradle is the weakest and is a slow
nonthriller. It's impossible for me to be emotionally invested in an upper-middle-class white family.
The immediate connection of the nanny to the backstory at the beginning is a mistake. So is the
mentally disabled black male who'll set up the most predictable plot twist in movie history by coming back
to help out the white family despite being fired. I laughed when the useless husband said that he's okay but
his legs were broken after being hit in the head and falling down the stairs. Of course, the long-term goal of
the glasshouse is to kill somebody with all of that glass from above.
I don't like Annabella Sciorra as the somewhat standoffish wife who's oblivious of how good she has it, but
her performance is fine, painting a realistic portrayal of somebody with serious asthma issues. While the
bad things were happening, I asked, "When did they start? And was life normal until the nanny showed
up?" Eventually, the wife processed it. But is spending time on the glasshouse really more important
than her newborn baby? She's stupid anyway.
Rebecca De Mornay is bland for a villain. Madeline "Aren't I Darned Cute When I Make Faces Like That?"
Zima is annoying. Ernie Hudson is never believable by playing his character with some
intelligence. Matt McCoy is a familiar face if you take off his beard as he was Lloyd Braun in
Seinfeld. For once, Julianne Moore isn't annoying. The photography
is nice, but the lighting is, for some reason, darker than it should be.
All in all, Curtis Hanson is the Master of Predictable.
The Handmaid's Tale (1990)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
11/16
11/16:
The feminist version of 1984, The Handmaid's Tale is something different for the sci-fi genre and deals with
dystopia.
The strong cast makes the film watchable, and it includes Natasha Richardson (who died in 2009 during a skiing accident at
45), Robert Duvall (who got inspired which resulted in The Apostle), Faye Dunaway
(who planned to quit the movie early but was persuaded by the author to stay on), and Aidan Quinn. It's hard to find a bad
performance among them.
However, the dark story needs to be developed more to bring clarity to the dystopian world. There are a lot of questions that
have gone unanswered. What's exactly going on in the war? What's outside the "utopia"? Why do women wear specific colors? What
do they mean? What's the nation's belief system? I guess it's the movie's hint: read Margaret Atwood's book.
All in all, The Handmaid's Tale is an odd picture that can be considered a small gem.
Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
4/14
4/14:
Hannah and Her Whore Sisters is a damn bore.
The moment the film begins, everybody is an incessant motormouth from start to finish. It's the same freaking formula in all
Woody Allen movies. He's one of the most overrated directors alive because his movies suck, have no significance,
are full of pretentiousness, and are freaking pointless.
I can't stand these New York pictures when all the characters think they are precious, have unique problems, and are above
the rest who don't live in the city. My goodness, I fell asleep twice during the film, and I didn't wake up
for the longest time.
Unbelievably, Michael Caine and Dianne Wiest won Oscars for this movie. What the former did in
Hannah and Her Whore Sisters isn't even one-tenth of what he did in
Sleuth, Get Carter, and
Alfie. Ridiculous. And the latter? Oh, please!
All in all, I want to throw Hannah and Her Whore Sisters into a fire and finish it off with five gallons of kerosene.
Hannibal (2001)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
2/08
2/08:
An interesting coincidence occurred before I started watching Hannibal.
I picked out two films, this and the other called Crimson Tide, but little did I know the former was directed
by Ridley Scott and the latter by Tony Scott, both brothers.
Anyway, the most disappointing part of Hannibal is Julianne Moore replacing Jodie Foster. Not only that, but it also
has to be her of all actresses. Jeez, when will somebody wake up and realize this woman has absolutely no talent?
Barney was sighted by Clarice Starling, and he didn't say something like, "Who the heck are you?" Startled, Julianne Moore
would have to introduce herself, "I'm Clarice Starling." Barney's reply: "No, you aren't." If it did happen,
I would've been genuinely impressed.
Gee whiz, Gary Oldman tried so hard to turn in an Oscar-worthy clip. When will he ever come to terms that he's a hammy actor?
Anthony Hopkins tones it down while managing to bore the living daylights out of me.
The first half hour is tedious and pedestrian, but the pace is picked up when the focus is switched to the Italian cop. One
question that kept coming up in my mind is: "Why are they speaking English in Italy?" After a while, I realize there's nothing
new and my chain has been jerked. If Mason Verger is so filthy rich, why doesn't he get facial reconstruction surgery?
All in all, it's been downhill for the Hannibal Lector franchise after Manhunter.
The Hanoi Hilton (1987)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
2/25
2/25:
I'm sure what took place at Hỏa Lò Prison was horrific, but this review of The Hanoi Hilton isn't about that.
Lionel Chetwynd isn't a familiar name to me as a director, but he has done plenty of writing, especially of
the historical drama kind. His trouble here is there's no emotional core. Take
The Blockhouse. Although the story was fictional, I could feel it through
the characters' desperate struggle to survive the conditions imposed on them. But The Hanoi Hilton is
"yeah...the situation sucks" in a Michael Moriarty way, and the prison commander ironically ends up having
the most developed character of anyone when this is supposed to be about the POWs.
As a result, the performances never feel believable and are rather superficial. The reality is much worse
than what's shown in the film including murder; physical beatings; electric shocks; broken bones, teeth, and
eardrums; dislocated limbs; starvation; contamination of food with human and animal feces; and lack of
treatment for infections and tropical diseases. Understandably, this is meant to be a payback for what the
French did to the Vietnamese prisoners prior to taking over the prison.
The famous woman in the film is obviously Jane Fonda who drew ire from soldiers and veterans alike for her
traitorous actions, hence the nickname "Hanoi Jane." Those interviewed were forced to lie about being
treated well without torture of any kind. To this day, Americans in general have completely forgotten
about the war and what happened at Hỏa Lò Prison which explains the film's obscurity.
All in all, had Lionel Chetwynd gone to the max along with a strong screenplay, there's no question that
The Hanoi Hilton would be an unforgettable film.
Hanover Street (1979)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
4/25
4/25:
Hanover Street further solidifies my conviction that Peter Hyams is a mediocre director.
This time, he stinks as a writer. His first mistake is beginning with a declaration that the film presents the
greatest love story of all time. It was hard for me to listen to the rubbish during the first hour with lots of
purple prose, especially from Harrison Ford. I keep looking at his ridiculous hair which isn't becoming
for a military man. He and Lesley-Anne Down have virtually zero chemistry.
Finally, the show becomes better when Harrison Ford and Christopher Plummer flew to France. That should've been
the whole movie. All Peter Hyams has to do is make it an hour long while shortening the backstory to mere fifteen
minutes. Now, that will be something more tolerable to watch on top of David Watkin's excellent cinematography.
While at it, please...pretty please...cut out Richard Masur and the little spoiled girl; they're so damned
annoying. By the way, I didn't realize that was Patsy Kensit of
Lethal Weapon 2.
Love triangle against the backdrop of WWII? It's nothing new, having been done before in a couple of films:
D-Day the Sixth of June and
The Hunters.
Harrison Ford is Robert Taylor and Robert Mitchum. Christopher Plummer is Richard Todd and Lee Philips.
Lesley-Anne Down is Dana Wynter and May Britt. The paramour has a change of heart by deciding the husband
is actually a decent man and doesn't deserve it, so he lets the cheating wife go back to him at the end.
All in all, Peeper should've finished Peter Hyams for good.
Happy Birthday to Me (1981)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
12/12
12/12:
Sayeth the ad of Happy Birthday to Me: "Six of the most bizarre murders you will ever see."
The Canadian slasher film is literally a tale of two halves with a dumb finish. The first half seems to be a cornucopia of
whodunnit-and-who-dies-next? Already bored of it and being irritated further by the stupid sci-fi angle, I couldn't believe
how much time there was left.
Then, the second half comes despite me having identified the killer. It's so obvious that I didn't need to worry. Then, things start
to get interesting until the final ending which is somewhat a bad attempt at a twist à la
Sleepaway Camp. The more I
think about the ending, the less it makes sense. Hence, it's safe to say anyone seeing the movie for the first time will never
guess who the killer is.
All in all, Happy Birthday to Me is stupid and boring.
A Hard Day's Night (1964)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
3/21
3/21:
So...it's all about the songs, eh?
Apart from the great opening shot of George Harrison falling down before Ringo Starr trips over him, nothing of substance
happens in A Hard Day's Night. It's all about the Beatles doing and saying random things while looking cute. Then, they
take a break to sing a song before going back to more madcap.
Sometimes, the formula works, but it's ultimately ruined by the ubiquitous old man who has no business being in the film. I
admit the music is good which is mostly the reason to see it. Other than that, famous for their
mop-top haircut, the Beatles look handsome in black and white.
Of the four, only Ringo Starr has a future in motion pictures. The other three have no personality and are thus dull. It would
help if they were interviewed, just to get know them better. It's possible all had it in their contract that they must
have equal screen time given how the camera kept jumping from one to another in an orderly fashion.
All in all, if the old man (who the hell is he anyway?) was eliminated, A Hard Day's Night would fare better.
Hard Eight (1996)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
6/21
6/21:
Hard Eight is a big nothing, but I'm going to give Paul Thomas Anderson a break because it's his first major film.
Obviously, the talent is there, and he knows how to draw me in. Yet the longer the movie goes on, the more nowhere
it is. I've always said this: to end a story, the easiest and therefore the wimpiest way out is suicide. That's how it
happened for Philip Baker Hall's character.
No matter what, the acting is well-done, and it's difficult to find any flaw among the players. The problem is
everybody is in Las Vegas and it's a city of seedy, low-IQ people. It's what the characters of Hard Eight essentially
are. Therefore, I'm not surprised at the stupid mistakes they've made.
Because of the cast, I thought Boogie Nights was made first, but it's actually the other way
around. So, yes...some went on to appear in the more famous film: Philip Baker Hall, John C. Reilly, Philip Seymour
Hoffman, and Robert Ridgely. In case if you don't know what the phrase "hard eight" means, it's the result of two fours in craps.
The odds of such a payout is higher, but everybody is better off getting a job as they'll make the same amount
of money in a short time as opposed to losing it all in probably ten seconds of play.
All in all, Hard Eight is a decent start for Paul Thomas Anderson who proves himself a capable writer-director,
but the movie is only for serious fans of the people involved.
Hard Times (1975)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
1/21
1/21:
Before there was Lionheart, there was Hard Times.
It's a perfect Charles Bronson vehicle for Walter Hill to make his directorial debut. His character shows up out of
nowhere, gets into a few illegal bare-knuckle fights, collects the money, and hops on the next train to north. In
between, he says little, tries to make it work with a down-and-out female, and minds his own business.
Yep, it's a neo-noir, all right. At least, Walter Hill doesn't overdo it this time. Sure, Hard Times is average
in many ways, but it's not a boring movie by any means. The most disappointing part is New Orleans not being
shown much: just a couple of shots here and there with one scene taking place at St. Vincent de Paul Cemetery.
Like I said, Charles Bronson is perfect. He has the physique required for the role, and that alone makes him believable.
Amazingly enough, Charles Bronson was 53 at the time. His co-star from The Magnificent Seven
and The Great Escape, James Coburn, isn't bad, having to play second fiddle. The rest of the cast
is good as well. Unfortunately, the fights look fake at times.
All in all, Charles Bronson demonstrates in Hard Times what a real man is.
Hard to Kill (1990)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
1/05, 5/08, 1/20
5/08:
Hard to Kill is a top three film of Steven Seagal's career.
He was one of the most exciting actor to come out of the early 90's, and the first four films comprise the core of his
filmography. They, save for Marked for Death of which I don't like, are addicting to watch, especially when Aikido
is involved.
Hard to Kill has a gripping story that works in Seagal's favor. When the attention is on him,
he's exciting, fascinating, and arresting at once. It's unbelievable how Steven Seagal can make time go fast.
All in all, Hard to Kill is a kick-ass Steven Seagal classic.
1/20:
"The most unstoppable son of a bitch I ever knew."
That's the best quote of Hard to Kill to describe Steven Seagal's character, Mason Storm, for the follow-up to
the box-office smash Above the Law. It's certainly an exciting movie with a gripping story that unfortunately
mythologizes too much about what happens to coma patients.
It's very rare a coma will last more than a few weeks. If it does, the reclassification will be "persistent vegetative state,"
which is often attributed to brain injury. Once this happens, it's unlikely the patient ever wakes up. Most don't
recover fully or have a meaningful interaction with the environment. In fact, they'll be severely disabled.
So, what Mason Storm did after being in a persistent vegetative state for seven years and then recovering so quickly afterwards
is damn impossible. Then again, you have to remember what O'Malley said: "The most unstoppable son of a bitch," hence
the title Hard to Kill. At any rate, who cares as long as Steven Seagal is kicking ass?
Despite their marriage at the time, Steven Seagal and Kelly LeBrock have no chemistry. She isn't a good actress and
just stands there. Unsurprisingly, they divorced six years after the film's release. In retrospect, Kelly LeBrock calls
the movie either Hard to Watch or Hard to Believe.
All in all, Hard to Kill is one of the best Steven Seagal movies.
Hardcore (1979)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
6/21
6/21:
Three years after the screenplay success of Taxi Driver, Paul Schrader got the chance to become writer-director
of Hardcore.
In many ways, both are the same kind of film only that Hardcore is more autobiographical and less violent. Of course,
Peter Boyle appears again, enlightening the lead character about the underworld of sex and sadomasochism. Showing
plenty of neo-noir, it serves as an inspiration to 8MM, and
The Searchers comes up in my mind as well.
The main problem is this question over and over: "What first happened at home?" It's not normal
for a teenager to run away spontaneously.
Finally hearing the explanation at the end, I find it to be too little, too late; for sure, she'll do it again after going back.
Instead, I'm made desensitized by the long display of naked women and pornography paraphernalia. For a devout man of the
Dutch Reformed Calvinist faith, Jake VanDorn is sure open-minded about it all. Really, to save himself the time and trouble,
he, by impersonating a customer, should've offered an insider something like $1,000 to locate his daughter for private
sexual purposes. I know this happened, but it took so long. The other way is drugs, but Jake has zero experience with them.
George C. Scott is fine and means well, but it's not among his best stuff. Season Hubley somewhat helps out, but her character's
terrible attitude explains why she's all the way down at the bottom, hence garnering no sympathy from me. Peter Boyle plays a
pretty strange guy with a single intent on his mind: ripping off anyone who'll pay him well with semi-fake promises.
All in all, given the same topic, I appreciate Hardcore more than Cruising, but
Paul Schrader gets it right in American Gigolo.
Harlem Nights (1989)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
9/14
9/14:
I expected Harlem Nights to be a stinker before I began watching it, but the movie wasn't bad.
There are some problems: slow pace, some dragged-out or useless scenes, high amount of profanity, and Arsenio Hall. The first
twenty-five minutes should've been condensed to five because many scenes are long and unnecessary, failing
to add much to the story.
Also, certain scenes must move faster in cadence but, for some reason, are longer than needed to get the desired effect.
The script was written by Eddie Murphy, but he could've found more appropriate word substitutes because it seemed
he was attempting to set a world record for the most profane words in a movie. Nevertheless, I like how
Harlem Nights is a period piece with in/exterior sets that are wonderfully set up along with the costumes, and the
cinematography is terrific. Additionally, the story is well-thought-out; however, the part about heroin is factually untrue.
Richard Pryor, whom I dislike, gives a special performance, and he's superb in the role of an intelligent father
figure. Oddly, there's a feeling that he never connected with Eddie Murphy. The latter tries to be funny, but it
keeps backfiring. Anyway, whatever happened to Jasmine Guy? She was in a popular television show called
A Different World, and then she fell off the map. At least, she is good-looking in the film.
All in all, Harlem Nights, if cleaned up more, can be closer to getting an '8' from me instead of '6'.
Harley Davidson
and the Marlboro Man (1991)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
6/07
6/07:
Once upon a time, there was a movie called, and please don't laugh, Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man.
Granted, it's a 100% cult movie that fails in nearly everything from chemistry to plot. However, the opening intro is cut
to perfection: Mickey Rourke, flashing neon lights, dark motel room, picture of him and some girl, fireworks,
naked woman on the bed, silver necklace, white t-shirt put on before the black leather jacket, the motorcycle with
sinister-looking playing cards, and Harley Davidson is ready to roll for a long trip.
After that, it's been downhill. Honestly, Mickey Rourke isn't bad, but it's Don Johnson who stinks. Every time the
Marlboro Man got together with Harley, he would be depressed, say things that sound cliché or pointless, and
proceed to suck the energy out of their relationship.
There are a lot of leaps in logic throughout, and it'll be laborious for me to list them all. But the jump from the
forty-story-tall building into a small pool on ground level has to take the cake. Not only that, but it's also not
inconceivable they'll land somewhere away from the pool. As Butch Cassidy warned the Sundance Kid, the fall would kill them.
I find it strange the movie takes place in the future. Nothing seems uh...futuristic. On the other hand,
it would've been a lot cooler if Don Johnson was replaced with Steve McQueen in his heyday with the plot cleaned up
a bit, and ergo the title: The Motorcycle Boy and the Cooler King.
Right now, I'm looking at the front cover of the DVD case, and it shows Mickey Rourke's face which painfully says,
"I must be out of my fucking mind." He would later admit to selling out to make the film. On the back, it promises "hotly
staged bike chases," "state-of-the-art weaponry," and "excellent explosions." I think there were only one bike chase, many
ordinary weapons, and a mundane explosion.
All in all, Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man is a colossal disaster.
Harold and Maude (1971)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
6/07
6/07:
Harold and Maude is a nice romantic picture with some drawbacks.
It starts off poorly, but the pace is picked up later in the first half. From thereon, things are progressively better
until the end which isn't too shabby.
Admittedly, I find Bud Cort's Harold to be a detestable, irritating character. Along comes Maude who's played by Ruth Gordon,
having single-handedly stolen the film by turning the tables in terms of direction. Hence, where's the Oscar for her?
However, I sense a restraint throughout. Say if Harold and Maude are in love with each other, I should be seeing extremes of
their relationship, but it's been a peck here and there. So, points are taken off from my rating for being politically correct.
All in all, Harold and Maude is Ruth Gordon's show all the way through.
Harper (1966)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
7/17
7/17:
What do many great film noir and neo-noir pictures have in common?
They usually have a followable plot. But in Harper? Yeah, fucking right. It tries too hard to be the
next The Big Sleep given the concept had already been done ten years prior.
Paul Newman is shockingly bad as Lew Harper. He meets the definition of a movie star, but his acting range leaves a lot to be
desired. Hell, Humphrey Bogart would never be caught dead chewing bubble gum. The rest of the cast is hopeless as many women
are constantly discarded for not meeting the standard. But Pamela Tiffin is a major babe who looks like Tiffani-Amber Thiessen.
Harper scores points for cinematography. It's absolutely gorgeous, and everybody looks great. Yet I'm
disappointed with the use of rear projection effect during the car scenes. The opening scene with coffee grounds? It's a
damn rip-off of The Ipcress File which was made a year earlier.
All in all, there are better gumshoe pictures than Harper.
Hart's War (2002)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
2/24
2/24:
Once in a while, I'll see a good movie when I expect it the least, and this time, it's Hart's War.
I thought it was going to be another WWII picture, but this is a complete surprise. Yes, the first hour had my eyes
rolling because of the premise. Then, the second half came which changed everything. I began to see strong
performances coming out of Bruce Willis, Terrence Howard, and Marcel Iureș. Colin Farrell isn't bad, either.
There's a bit of everything: Hogan's Heroes, A Few Good Men, and
The Great Escape. But Hart's War is much different and nothing that I've seen before.
It's interesting how honor is presented. First, Terrence Howard wants to claim it. Then, it's Colin Farrell who wants it more.
But Bruce Willis manages to outdo them all. It's a noble effort of his character.
Hart's War got bad reviews and also tanked big time at the box office. The only way to appreciate the film is to
move past the premise, however implausible and historically inaccurate it is. Once done, it's quite good that's back to
old-fashioned filmmaking. By the way, although up to a point, Marcel Iureș plays the most friendly Nazi officer since Max von
Sydow in Victory.
All in all, you shouldn't think of Hart's War as another war movie because it's not.
Harvey (1950)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
2/18
2/18:
Think of all the great classics that James Stewart appeared in, and one of them is undoubtedly Harvey.
Harvey was a 1944 play written by Mary Chase that won her the Pulitzer Prize. Then, it ran for 1,775
performances from 1944 to 1949. Finally, Hollywood came calling, and Universal Pictures bought the film rights.
It's one of the warmest movies ever made and something that would have come out of Frank Capra's treasure chest.
The funniest part is I actually believed Harvey, a 6'8" invisible rabbit, existed. That's the magic of James
Stewart's acting. No one would've done better than him. Anyway, be sure to check out James Stewart's interview
about his experience with the film and people approaching him about Harvey. It's humorous.
All in all, Harvey will win over people of all ages.
Haunted Honeymoon (1986)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
4/17
4/17:
Haunted Honeymoon took me a week to complete.
Not only is the film bad, but it's also incomprehensibly and stupidly boring. I don't understand the
plot, yet it doesn't matter because the whole thing is all made up. What a waste of my time.
A lot of people like Gene Wilder, but to be honest with you, I've never thought of him as funny. Therefore, Gene Wilder has
always been an overrated comedian. Haunted Honeymoon is proof positive because he wrote the screenplay,
directed the movie, and starred in it. So...where's the comedy? What a stupid idiot. Instead of finding out whether his
tie is straight or not, he should've asked, "Does my movie suck?"
All in all, Gilda Radner said it the best when she wrote in her autobiography It's Always Something, "On July 26
[1986], Haunted Honeymoon opened nationwide. It was a bomb. One month of publicity and the movie was only in the
theaters for a week—a box-office disaster."
The Haunting (1963)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
12/11
12/11:
Hey, quick!
Somebody put Julie Harris in a white straitjacket because she badly needs one. The first moment Eleanor (and hell
no, I'm not going to call her Nell) started showing off traits that would make her a prime candidate to be placed
in the insane asylum, I knew she was going to be the worst character of The Haunting.
But what I didn't prepare for was two painful hours of her. Amazingly enough, everybody accepted Eleanor for a
while, even the "professor" thought of her as a charming, genteel lady with perfectly normal mood tendencies.
What an idiot! As a matter of fact, shouldn't he have interviewed his potential assistants prior to the experiment?
As for the rest of the film, although horror is the name of the game, it feels like a comedy with numerous moments
of unintended hilarity. Check out the female servant who loves saying, "...no nearer than..." After a couple of
repeats, her effect was lost, and then she became a joke. Upon the sight of four characters at the beginning of
the tour, I immediately said, "Not enough people!" That's one of the serious flaws; the movie needs to involve
more. Otherwise, there's not much of room to run.
Despite the negatives, there's a good amount of stuff that are right up to par with Alfred Hitchcock's
films. The only supernatural effect, apart from the silly draft, is the door bending. Take it away, and what's
left is an hallucination, or rather a bag of tricks, that's being played on the mind. Explaining the whole thing
at the end about Dr. Markway's wife is what finally destroyed the credibility.
All in all, I thank Julie Harris for ruining The Haunting.
The Haunting (1999)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
4/25
4/25:
The Haunting is pure crap.
Nothing makes sense. The movie was over at the beginning when Liam Neeson tried to make a feeble
explanation about his research project. I was like, "Huh?" To make up for it, director Jan de Bont goes mad
through CGI masturbation. All I can do is pat him on the head and say, "Good boy!" The tagline on the
movie poster reads: SOME HOUSES ARE BORN BAD. Really? Houses can be born? That...I'll like to see.
Lili Taylor was tolerable at first. Then, Catherine Zeta-Jones showed up and acted like a spoiled bitch.
After Owen Wilson entered the picture, he wouldn't stop yelling or complaining about everything. When I
thought the worst was over, Lili Taylor managed to put herself right in the center and went batshit crazy!
Mommy...what did I do to deserve this?
Clearly, The Haunting rips off a lot of stuff from
The Changeling and The Legacy.
It's a house that nobody can leave and the inhabitant is being communicated with to right a wrong from
the past. Several elements are borrowed from Burnt Offerings, especially
the caretakers not being there anymore after dispensing directions, the glasshouse, and how everybody is
enamored by the house per se.
The filmmakers should've gone with a smaller house that's somewhere between 2,000 and 4,000 square feet in
order for the suspense to work. That's how Black Christmas and
Halloween were successful. Instead, they went all out with the interiors,
causing me to think of the wastefulness of resources and money that went into it.
If Dr. Marrow said Nell wasn't on the list, then why did he accept her presence on the first day? Where were
his assistants the entire time? How would he observe or measure the results? What was he looking for?
Why go up the stairs if it was obvious the whole thing was about to fall apart? Should something go wrong, what
was his emergency plan? Surely, he could've called the caretakers for assistance or was given a key to unlock
the front gate. At the same time, why not he and his research subjects stay outside until daylight and find
a way to leave the premises safely? By the way, that's Harlaxton Manor, and if you look at the back,
there's no gate to prevent anyone from getting out.
All in all, The Haunting is for people who love to gaze at the interiors of massively overdone houses.
Haute tension (2003)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
10/07
10/07:
As slashers films go, there are always morons coming out of the woodwork to either produce or watch them.
Virtually, the name of the game in Haute tension (High Tension) is kill, kill, kill. No characters are properly
developed. Story is almost nil. It's just a killing machine, offering different forms of torture and sadism.
Lately, I've been realizing a serious problem. Filmmakers nowadays are churning out crap that have resulted in me giving a '1' to
many of them at an alarming rate. Hence, it means I may have to stop watching new movies altogether because
they've become patently ridiculous.
All in all, Haute tension is only concerned with being the goriest film ever.
Havana (1990)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
7/17
7/17:
Hollywood rule number one: don't ever make a film if the lead stars have no chemistry.
Unfortunately, nobody learned it before setting out to shoot Havana, a huge box-office flop which took in
$9 million compared to the budget of $40 million. The dialogue is superficial. Worse, it's impossible to learn why
the Cuban Revolution happened.
Sure, Robert Redford is handsome which lets him get away with limited acting range. Hence, his character sucks
as he reminds me too much of John Gage. Ditto for Lena Olin who plays the same character in every film and is
often underwhelming.
For the most part, Havana seems to be a half remake of Casablanca.
Robert Redford is Rick Blaine. Lena Olin is Ilsa Lund. Raul Julia (so little of him) is Victor Laszlo. Alan Arkin
is Captain Renault/Signor Ferrari. Tony Plana (what the hell happened to him?) is Ugarte. Tomás Milián is Major
Strasser.
Here's the $64,000 question: why are the leads white when it takes place in Cuba? Running for 144
minutes, Havana feels like six hours long. The story goes nowhere. Nobody cares about Cuba. Funnily
enough, it wasn't even shot there but in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic.
All in all, if you saw The Godfather Part II, you've seen
Havana without having done so.
Hawaii (1966)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
1/13
1/13:
What a great film Hawaii is.
I was thinking of the Columbus' voyage to the New World and how it ruined so many cultures in the western hemisphere by
indirectly introducing disease, imperialism, and eradication. Well, this movie is like that. An added effect to the idea
is the usage of missionaries. I've always found them controversial because of their insistence that accepting Christianity
is the only way to live without sin.
Max von Syndow does an excellent job of playing the narrow-minded reverend who won't make compromises on anything.
Before I started the movie, I had reservations because of director George Roy Hill who's mostly a one-hit wonder via
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (yeah, right about The Sting). He actually gets the job done for
Hawaii, and I can now not think of him as a one-hit wonder.
Another aspect that left me surprised is the nudity of the natives. It's well done, even for 1966
standards. I'm glad Julie Andrews did not steal any scene; she's merely a wallpaper while the
Hawaiians shine the most. On the other hand, it'll be a good idea to include more background photography of the state.
All in all, Hawaii is an intelligently made epic picture that's honest about how things were.
He Got Game (1998)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
8/13
8/13:
Notwithstanding the fact that Spike Lee made so many awful films, He Got Misogyny is one of his better ones
although I see too much Hoop Dreams in it.
Ray Allen is terrific in the lead role and, despite what everybody else says, is a natural actor. On the other hand, Denzel
Washington is Denzel all the way through which is becoming old and repetitive.
There are a lot of rip-off scenes which is typical of Spike Lee for being the hack that he is. At least,
he doesn't attempt to push the race card although it's interesting to notice how badly women are treated and how they are
viewed as sexual objects (Spike's professed misogyny?).
Certainly, there's a good message, but Hoop Dreams is much more powerful. If the critics and viewers alike hated
He Got Misogyny, it's because they became jealous of the sex scenes and the number of women (read that as "porn stars")
the ballplayers were shagging. I think it was too much for a film, and I get the point already. The weakest subplot
is the relationship between the father and the hooker. Eventually, without doubt, he'll be tested positive for at least
five different types of sexually transmitted disease.
No matter how many times I've seen this movie, I'll never understand why Jesus signed the letter of intent. It would
make more sense if he forsaked his father for the rest of his life considering he was hard on him while having
killed his mother. Of course, everybody is taking advantage of Jesus, so it doesn't matter anyway.
All in all, He Got Misogyny isn't bad considering that I've kept an open mind despite initially hating it in 1998.
He Knows You're Alone (1980)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
6/20
6/20:
The only reason why He Knows You're Alone barely sees the light of day is that it's Tom Hanks' first motion picture.
Yeah, but I didn't know it until I saw the DVD at a thrift store, looking at the pictures on the back cover and saying,
"Hey, is that Tom Hanks?" Hence, I got motivated to watch it which capitalized on the slasher craze during the early 80's.
After appearing for a few minutes, it has gotten obvious that he's too good to be in the movie. His acting talent is like two
levels above everybody else. I thought it would be interesting if his character either had a death scene like Kevin Bacon in
Friday the 13th or was revealed to be the killer. Yet he's only in it for like ten minutes and leaves intact just
like how it happened for George Clooney in Return to Horror High.
The rest of the film is a real yawner with the most boring killer imaginable. The director's biggest mistake is displaying
multiple perspectives; he follows between four and six different characters before settling on a dull, bland, and nondescript
female whom I don't care about. And of course, she survives; the end. Many commenters said the film was a rip-off of
Halloween. That's true, but I also see a lot of Black Christmas because of the cop angle.
I don't understand one scene when the killer latched himself atop the car's hood until he and the driver made to the morgue.
Then, for a while there, the deceased woman was laid on the table when she wasn't supposed to be discovered until Monday after the
wife was back home? Oddly, at the beginning, there were a bunch of guys ready to go upstate for a bachelor's party, and
afterwards, I never saw them again.
All in all, only die-hard Tom Hanks fans should check out He Knows You're Alone; otherwise, it's a by-the-numbers
slasher picture.
He Walked by Night (1948)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
10/15, 2/22
10/15:
I know a noir masterpiece when I see one, and He Walked by Night is just that.
It's also one of the greatest movies ever made. In fact, it inspired the creation of a famous TV show called
Dragnet. John Alton's cinematography is top-notch. To take the point further, it's the very definition of
noir: lean, gritty, lots of dark visuals with a brilliant use of chiaroscuro, and a clash of similar personalities on both
sides. The scenes that take place in the underground canals of Los Angeles' vast storm drain system are breathtaking. It's
like watching a Batman movie but better.
Jules Dassin's The Naked City comes to my mind a lot due to the semidocumentary tone.
Yet it's a sharp, taut
policier that keeps me at the edge of the seat. It's the hunter-versus-the-hunted-in-Los Angeles story that works.
There's a strong indication that He Walked by Night might be the originator of all policiers whether in film or
television. The police procedural perspective is both fascinating and groundbreaking.
Great films are made when the archnemesis is as every bit good as the plot and the setting. That's been the case with
Richard Basehart. His antisocial character is a brilliant, emotionless criminal cop killer and electronics-expert thief with
a cunning mind who sees four or five steps ahead and calculates his moves so well that his ultimate goal is not to be caught,
hence the elusiveness.
All in all, He Walked by Night is a top ten noir masterpiece.
2/22:
I'm downgrading my rating for He Walked by Night from '10' to '7'.
Serving as the inspiration for Dragnet, it's a good film noir picture but is dated in many ways. Jack Webb
shows off a lot of interesting forensic science stuff, and the story is similarly stylized as
The Naked City, both
released during the same year. There are many outstanding shots by cinematographer John Alton.
While everybody, most especially Scott Brady, is bland, Richard Basehart is memorable as the cunning criminal Roy Morgan.
His exploits were loosely based on Erwin Walker during the 40's, but the cop killer lived and was surprisingly released from
prison in 1974.
All in all, it's a good thing that He Walked by Night is only 79 minutes because any longer, it'll be boring.
Hear No Evil (1993)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
9/21
9/21:
If anyone is wondering why Marlee Matlin is no leading lady, it doesn't have anything to do with her deafness but rather
the fact that she can't carry a movie.
Marlee Matlin is at best a supporting player in a very limited role. Hear No Evil showcases some of the most
horrible acting of her career. It's quite bad many times, and she and D.B. Sweeney shame themselves further with a
lot of kissing.
I can't blame them because the movie wasn't getting anywhere. The dialogue is often choppy, and many scenes don't connect
well. The closer the film is toward the end, the more narrow the vacuum becomes which means it's only a few people having
each other to work with. When I thought the ending had arrived, it proceeded to torture me for another twenty minutes.
Earlier on, one character is killed in a fiery automobile accident, and he comes back from the dead for the second half.
Shocking isn't the right word to describe it, but the truth is: I was already long past caring. For a mystery thriller,
Hear No Evil is for sure suspenseless, no matter how hard Marlee Matlin can fake her damsel-in-distress emotions.
In many ways, it tries hard to be the deaf version of Wait Until Dark. Marlee Matlin is Audrey Hepburn, and
Martin Sheen is Richard Crenna. A rare coin hidden in the beeper is substituted for heroin in the doll. What's
missing the entire time is a Mr. Roat-like character which is the only reason why the classic worked.
Everybody talks about the rare coin, but I'm never informed exactly what it is until the movie is over. Gee thanks,
guys...that was the only question I had the entire time. Some explanation right from the beginning would've helped.
By the way, the story of Alexander the Great and all that is fake. There's no such thing as a Prentiss coin.
As for the deaf stuff, it's the first time ever that a character actually makes a reference to closed captions which is amusing
anyway. Of course, TTY and flashing doorbell for the deaf are prominently featured. It may be a bit strange to see almost no
closed captions on TV. This can happen for one of the following reasons: (1) it required a closed caption decoder box;
(2) not all channels were closed-captioned friendly; and (3) Ben wasn't aware there's such a thing as closed captions.
All in all, Hollywood gave Marlee Matlin a try by putting her in the lead role for Hear No Evil, but she
flunked the test.
Heart Beat (1980)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
1/17
1/17:
Jack Kerouac published On the Road in 1957, and it became the most influential book of the decade, setting off a
cultural revolution while paving the way to the 60's.
There hasn't been a novel like it ever since. Heart Beat is a weak biographical film about Jack Kerouac and Neal
Cassady (who served as the inspiration for Dean Moriarty, one of the most famous characters in literature). In the middle of
the two is Carloyn Cassady who wrote the autobiography Heart Beat: My Life With Jack and Neal that served as the source
of the script.
It stars Nick Nolte, John Heard, and Sissy Spacek who all give superb performances. They have great chemistry together,
making it easy for me to get through the film. By the way, Ray Sharkey was supposed to play Allen Ginsburg, not Ira
Streiker (who?). The famous line "It's not writing, it's typing" did not come from the TV show host but Truman Capote. Here's
a nice piece of trivia that's taken from IMDb:
"When Sissy Spacek was told that she did not have the role in Heart Beat, she broke a glass of wine in her hands.
The producer was so impressed by the gesture, that he ultimately gave Spacek the role. He handed her a piece of shattered
glass and said, 'This clinched the deal.'"
The story is interesting, but I wish it was closer to the truth. There's no substance throughout; the characters just
go through the motions, never resolving much. Then, Jack Kerouac's famous book is published, and I witness the
aftermath (the parody imitation of the Beatnik get-up is amusing) before the movie ends. They should have added a footnote,
informing me of what happened to everybody.
All in all, Heart Beat has everything I can hope for a serious film, but it fails to deliver the goods.
The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter (1968)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
2/17
2/17:
Brace yourself because The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter is truly a depressing movie and is as Southern Gothic as
it gets.
There are seven subplots going on at once:
1. Discrimination against blacks.
2. Mick's troubled adolescence and her inability to connect with others.
3. Singer not being able to take care of his friend.
4. The troubles of a drunkard.
5. Mick's disabled father.
6. Dr. Copeland's relationship with his daughter.
7. How people react to Singer's deafness by labeling him as a "dummy."
The book was written in 1940 by Carson McCullers, her first, and she became famous as a result. She also wrote
Reflections in a Golden Eye, which was published in 1941, that
would be made into a movie starring Elizabeth Taylor and Marlon Brando, directed by John Huston. With four novels
to her credit, Carson McCullers died in 1967 without seeing the film version of either.
Alan Arkin received a much-deserved Oscar nomination for his performance. He didn't speak one word throughout which
is impressive. The ending that showed him dealing with the news of his friend is both powerful and shocking. As
for Alan Arkin's portrayal of a deaf-mute, I have to say he got the part right yet wasn't authentic enough to pass
muster.
On the other hand, it's hard for me to evaluate Arkin's ASL. The signs are sometimes too fast and partly sideways.
At first, I thought they were made up, but I realize now some of them are antiquated which means people don't sign
them that way anymore. Instead, I spent the time trying to figure out a closely related sign. When he was
fingerspelling, it seemed quick and a bit messy. Hence, I was unable to make them out. Look, my criticism is for
film purpose because it doesn't matter. He communicated in a mumbling way that Brando would do, yet his character
was real all the same.
As far as speechreading goes for Arkin's character, it's not possible. The most he would've
grasped is 30%. Many people didn't speak to him face-to-face, and their lips were close together. Some of them
were talking too fast. Arkin acted like a hearing person when he listened to them. What's shocking about
his character, of which the deaf world may not appreciate, is that he was a deaf-mute, along with his friend, who
preferred to make it in the hearing world. He doesn't seem to have other deaf friends to communicate with in ASL.
Meanwhile, Sondra Locke is terrific, earning herself an Oscar nomination in her debuting screen role. I always thought
she was a talented actress, but the critics trashed her when she appeared in Clint Eastwood's movies which is
completely unfair. As for Sondra Locke's character in The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter, I'm surprised she didn't
ask Singer to teach her ASL; she's a perfect candidate given her high energy level. Also making a debut performance
as the drunkard is Stacy Keach. Cicely Tyson, Percy Rodrigues, Jackie Marlowe, and Chuck McCann (who was dressed
in clothes worn by Sydney Greenstreet) round out the rest. They are all outstanding.
All in all, The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter is a sad movie that's filled with great performances, especially
from Alan Arkin.
Heartbeat (1993)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
12/20
12/20:
Heartbeat is the first Danielle Steel film for me.
My expectations were kept low, thinking it might be similar to the content on Lifetime channel. Well, I was wrong because
Heartbeat is an absorbing movie that's highly realistic in terms of relationships, abortion, integrity, and
life-changing choices.
It goes without saying that John Ritter is the heart and soul of the film. Polly Draper gives a superb performance as well.
Both are perfect together, evincing great chemistry. Funnily enough, Nancy Morgan, who plays Adrian's friend Zelda, was
married to John Ritter in real life for almost twenty years prior to their divorce in 1996.
Kevin Kilner plays a difficult character who's best described as a sociopath, so it's easy to hate him. Still, I think about
where he's coming from. It's a credit to him that he didn't beat up his wife or had her new lover taken care of. Hollywood
typically goes by this route.
Not many motion pictures deal with abortion, and when they do, it's never authentic. Heartbeat finally gets the
treatment right because an unborn person's life is at stake. Sure, two have sex, and the female happens to get pregnant as a
result. Yet why is she aborting the fetus if they're financially well-off and have a stable life?
Just because the pregnancy was unplanned isn't simply good enough of a reason to opt for abortion. Oftentimes, the woman will
feel extreme guilt afterwards, and it's something that never goes away during the rest of her life. That's why Adrian
Towers chose to keep the baby. It's a huge help when her male partner offers his support and is willing to make it work.
All in all, realistic movies like Heartbeat with a positive ending are much appreciated.
Heartbreak Ridge (1986)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
10/03, 7/05
7/05:
You got to love Clint Eastwood and the way he delivers his lines.
"That is until some suckhead writes home to mama and says he dipped his wick in the Republic of South Vietnam."
"It means: Be advised. I'm mean, nasty and tired. I eat concertina wire and piss napalm, and I can put a round in a flea's
ass at 200 meters. So why don't you go hump somebody else's leg, mutt face, before I push yours in?"
"Jumping out of a perfectly good aircraft is not a natural act. So let's do it right, enjoy the view. Come on."
"My name's Gunnery Sergeant Highway, and I've drunk more beer and banged more quiff and pissed more blood and stomped more
ass than all of you numbnuts put together."
"Drop your cocks and grab your socks! Off your ass and on your feet. Let's move. Knees to the breeze in five minutes."
"You're Marines now. You adapt. You overcome. You improvise. Let's move."
"Well, if she's looking for more alimony, she's in real trouble because I've got myself so broke I couldn't get out of
sight if it took a quarter to go around the world."
"You pump the neighbor's dog again, Jakes, or are you always slack-eyed and silly in the afternoon?"
"Sergeant, you get that contraband stogie out of my face before I shove it so far up your ass you'll have to set fire to
your nose to light it."
"Just because we're holding hands doesn't mean we'll be taking warm showers together until the wee hours of the morning."
"If you pull another shithead stunt like that again, the only thing that'll beat you to the brig is the headlights on the
ambulance you'll be riding in."
"You're dead, marine. You just stepped on four booby traps that blew your legs off, and we'll have to send out a search party
for your testicles."
"Well, what happens when these men have to go into combat and they're not prepared? They just get dead."
By the way, it's a common misconception that everybody, from grunts all the way up to President of the United States,
must first salute the soldier who earned Medal of Honor. It's only a gesture, nothing more, unless rank comes in play.
All in all, Heartbreak Ridge is a classic Clint Eastwood picture with a great script although the movie isn't great.
Heat (1995)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
8/03, 2/13, 8/19
2/13:
When I first saw Heat in 1995, I thought it was overrated, and I somewhat stood by my position after
seeing it again in 2003.
Then, revisiting Heat recently, I've found it a very good film. Yes, I'm a big fan of Michael Mann, and I've seen
just about everything he had done including the TV show Miami Vice which contained his unmistakable influence.
Obviously, he's a master director who has attention for details and then goes further to stylize every bit of it.
None of Mann's touch is lost in Heat. As a bonus, he gets the rare chance to showcase Robert De Niro and Al Pacino
in the same film, a feat that has never been accomplished before. Sorry,
The Godfather Part II doesn't count.
Between these two, Heat is fully led by Al Pacino who showed me why he's one of the best actors alive. He's a maestro
when it comes to leading big, important pictures by making sure that everybody stays in the flow. Robert De Niro
plays an interesting character. It's easy to like and sympathize with him, and the outcome is too bad.
Michael Mann does his best of making the cinematography look resplendent yet dark, which is never overdone, by blending
it in with the intense action. The shootout in the middle of downtown Los Angeles is epic. Clocking at 170 minutes,
Heat goes fast and is a well-paced drama-action picture, going back and forth among the plan, real-life situations,
and emotions of the characters. The supporting players are perfect. I find Val Kilmer's role the most interesting because of
his minimalist stance which works very well. Jon Voight is an additonal treat.
All in all, perhaps some day, I'll give Heat a '10'.
9/19:
Shot on location all over Los Angeles, Heat is an engrossing crime thriller that spans three hours.
Al Pacino is truly the maestro. Because of him, everything is well-orchestrated. On the other hand, Robert De Niro is fascinating to
watch as Neil McCauley. When they finally meet for the first time, which has never happened before including
The Godfather Part II, it's a remarkable scene featuring two legendary actors with decades of excellence.
My favorite part, besides the epic shootout scene and you won't see anything like it in other films, is when
Tom Sizemore put his head sideways to look at the male patron after he overheard the commotion and then decided to ignore it.
By the way, Tom is very good. So are Val Kilmer and Jon Voight. That's the thing about the film: it's all about the acting
although the story flows well with lots of layers.
By the way, Kevin Gage served two and half years in federal prison for growing marijuana illegally, and while he was there, all
prisoners called him "Waingro." Yeah, he's a pretty sinister-looking guy because of his eyes.
All in all, Heat is about people who won't change who they are despite their gifted abilities, and the action is where
the juice is at.
Heathers (1988)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
7/05
7/05:
Oh, please.
Heathers is a sick movie with a twisted, perverted perspective on life. For example, look at what happened at Columbine.
That type of thing isn't funny. It's just high school: a phase that everybody goes through before moving on with
his or her life. Those who take it seriously are doomed to live in their high school world forever and will never get over
the trivial incidents.
There's no reason to embrace the needs of teenagers because high school provides one and only one thing which is the most
important in life: a window of opportunity to set themselves up for the future. Those who fail to take advantage of it
are subject to a dead-end life that's filled with never-ending complaints, health issues, and financial problems.
All in all, Heathers isn't a true black comedy as people have claimed it to be but rather a vehicle for the
selected group of sick people who can't accept the reality of how society works.
Heaven (2002)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
11/17
11/17:
Prepare yourself for a massive suspension of disbelief when Heaven is popped into the DVD player.
Filled with overdramatic performances, it's one of the most ludicrous movies I've seen in a long time.
Does anyone realize Cate Blanchett's character is a terrorist, having killed four innocent people?
I hate Giovanni Ribisi so much that I want to punch him just to wipe the smirk off his face. The stupidest
mistake of the film is allowing him to have tons of screen time. I was honestly shocked that Giovanni Ribisi
could speak Italian.
I know when I'm being manipulated. Just because Heaven is a foreign film doesn't mean it can get away with
actions that are incomprehensibly and morally wrong. There are all kinds of manipulation at play, forcing me to be
pissed off at myself for picking up the film in the first place.
Thankfully, because Krzysztof Kieślowski (good luck if you can say his name perfectly ten times in a row within
fifteen seconds) of Trois couleurs fame was planning a trilogy (Heaven, Hell, and
Purgatory), he died before being able to complete the project. It doesn't matter anyway because nobody saw
the first one, having tanked at the box office.
All in all, Heaven is an example of why I hate European movies in general.
Heaven & Earth (1993)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
5/25
5/25:
Heaven & Earth is the final film for me to see from Oliver Stone during the 80's and 90's.
Obviously, it's not among his best stuff. The biggest issue is the unevenness, whether it be the performances or
the storytelling. The first thirty minutes feels either choppy or rushed, but the movie gets better afterwards
before experiencing the same problem again when the location switches to the United States.
Oliver Stone may have packed too much material, causing me to feel overwhelmed at times. I
suppose the central message is Vietnam sucks. First, Platoon gave that
perspective. Now, Heaven & Earth presents the other side of it. Certainly, Le Ly Hayslip went through
a lot. What bothers me about her is speaking perfect English instead of Vietnamese and then broken English after
meeting Americans for the first time.
This is Hiep Thi Le's film, so don't be misled by the top billing given to Tommy Lee Jones. It's merely for
the purpose of star power, but he did come alive during the second half, showing a sign of what to expect in
Natural Born Killers. As for Hiep Thi Le, she gives her best
effort and has thus done well in spite of turning in zero acting work beforehand. I just wish she was aged
in accordance with the passage of time. In 2017, Hiep Thi Le surprisingly died of stomach cancer at age 46.
All in all, Heaven & Earth tells a respectful story of one Vietnamese woman's survival, and those who
went through exactly the same thing will understand and relate to it very well.
Heaven Can Wait (1978)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
6/08
6/08:
Heaven Can Wait is highly similar to the TV show Quantum Leap but is less subtle.
The plot isn't bad and is typical of Warren Beatty. There's a specific moment in the room among
corporate execs that reminds me of
Bulworth. Meanwhile, the acting is fine. The only one whom I don't like is
Charles Grodin who seems miscast. Jack Warden is a treat; he's very good and funny and has an enjoyable
presence. James Mason is a charmer as well. Julie Christie gives off a pleasant aura. Warren Beatty is all right himself.
Although Heaven Can Wait is a semi-football film, the football scenes aren't interesting and thus can be
better to achieve balance. After Joe Pendleton claims to be dead and can't touch humans, I find it weird that when he runs
through different rooms, the flowers can be seen moving. Also, when Joe runs downstairs, he touches the stairway rail for
support. After showing up at Way Station, Joe acts incredulous as if he doesn't know what's happening, yet the escorts are
shown surprised.
On the other hand, it would help if I knew what Mr. Farnsworth looked like. Hell, his name was mentioned so many
times that I had conjured a mental image of Richard Farnsworth. Also, the film isn't original as it's been done before in
Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol and countless others.
All in all, Heaven Can Wait is a decent lightweight fare that ends well.
Heaven Knows, Mr. Allison (1957)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
4/14, 2/24
4/14:
Heaven Knows, Mr. Allison is a superb Robinson Crusoe type of picture that features a Marine and a nun hiding
from the Japanese soldiers during WWII.
Deborah Kerr is fair herself and does what she can. Anyone could've played her role just the same. The real reason why
the film gets an '8' from me is Robert Mitchum who was surprisingly not Oscar-nominated. He's very good, engaging, human,
and personable.
The best scene is when Robert Mitchum, in his camouflaged face, snuck inside the storeroom of canned victuals but got trapped
at the top of the shelf. It's done with high tension, making his performance highly memorable. Of course, a great
deal of credit goes to John Huston for his innate knack of making wonderful films.
All in all, Heaven Knows, Mr. Allison is worth watching because it's a great war picture with a superb performance
by Robert Mitchum.
2/24:
Heaven Knows, Mr. Allison is Robert Mitchum's movie, so why was Deborah Kerr nominated for an Oscar but not him?
That's hard to believe. Robert Mitchum stole the show in every scene. All Deborah Kerr could do is to be awed of him.
The best part is when he's inside the building to get food for her. It's the most intense acting. The other is when
he performed many stunts; that's when I knew he was doing it for real, especially when the waves were crashing on him.
The whole thing looks real because John Huston made sure of no fakery. Hence, it was shot on location in Trinidad and Tobago.
What's nice is that the nun was never in love with Mr. Allison. She held fast to her beliefs while he had a hard time dealing with
the fact but got over it. No matter what, it's an exicting WWII adventure that's set in the South Pacific.
All in all, Robert Mitchum is brilliant in Heaven Knows, Mr. Allison, a top five performance of his career.
Heavenly Creatures (1994)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
11/16
11/16:
Heavenly Creatures is a story about one of the most infamous murder cases in New Zealand history.
It happened on June 22, 1954, when two female teenagers named Pauline Parker and Juliet Hulme conspired together to murder
Parker's mother because she wouldn't allow Pauline to move to South Africa to be with Juliet. They were found guilty of murder
and only served five years. Pauline changed her name to Hilary Nathan and became a recluse while living in Burray, one of the
Orkney Islands in Northern Scotland. Juliet changed her name to Anne Perry and is now a best-selling murder mystery author.
Of course, the most logical reaction to all of this is: they should be rotting in prison. There are many similarities between them
and Leopold and Loeb. Instead of males, Pauline Parker and Juliet Hulme were females likely in love with each other and
thought they were super(wo)men by feeling superior to everybody else due to their intelligence. They also had a classic
dominant/submissive relationship.
Anyway, what a great film Heavenly Creatures is. It was entirely shot at actual locations. Not much was altered in
terms of details. The characters almost looked like their real-life counterparts. Making their screen debuts, Kate Winslet and
Melanie Lynskey are perfectly cast. They're almost like Farley Granger and John Dall in
Rope. Orson Welles capitalized
on the success by using the model of Leopold and Loeb for
Compulsion with Dean Stockwell and Bradford Dillman.
Of the three aforementioned films, Heavenly Creatures is the best. What's perfect, which is the point of Peter Jackson
showing everybody that he got it, is Pauline Parker and Juliet Hulme being so wrapped up in their fantasy
world that they've become delusional, hence the exaggerated expressions and feelings of romanticism.
All in all, Heavenly Creatures is a can't-miss film from the 90's.
Heaven's Gate (1980)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
7/16
7/16:
Michael Cimino doesn't fucking get it.
Heaven's Gate has been routinely included in just about every Worst Films list there is. There are good reasons why
it belongs there, but I don't view it as a truly awful movie because there have been worse. Hypothetically
speaking, if Platoon was released before
The Deer Hunter, Michael Cimino would've never won anything. As a
result, he wouldn't get the Wellesian-like free rein to make Heaven's Gate the prolix picture that it is.
Why The Deer Hunter won a boatload of awards is the twist. People went apeshit over it. Take the twist away, and
all there is is an overlong, ordinary Vietnam War picture. That's exactly what happened to
Heaven's Gate: an overlong, ordinary Western picture. Michael Cimino still doesn't fucking get it.
Beautiful cinematography alone does not translate to a good film. It must take much more than that. Cimino shot 220 hours of
film stock including dozens of retakes for every scene. Did he fucking realize two hours was the maximum most people could
withstand in one sitting?
Every scene is ten to fifteen minutes too long. They add nothing of significance to the overall picture. There's no advancement
in the plot (by the way, which of the seven or nine plots is the main one?) in almost every scene which turns out to be
irrelevant but only to serve as an excuse to look at the scenery. None of the characters, not even the protagonist, is
developed to the point of caring. They just go through the motions and then die. That's it. Therefore, who the fuck
cares?
John Hurt's magnified presence seems to indicate he'll play a meaningful part. At the end, it's revealed that
he's another secondary character. So, why make a big deal out of him in the prologue? Plus, I thought he
disagreed with the men of the Stock Growers Association yet participated with them in the killing at the end? What was he
doing, in the face of suicide, by standing up in the middle of the garbled gunfight while drinking liquor from his
metal flask?
Anyway, John Hurt had nothing to do during the filming and got bored of waiting for his next scene which wouldn't come for weeks.
So he left in the middle of the filming to do The Elephant Man, which was
actually finished in time, before he came back to be shocked that Heaven's Gate hadn't been completed yet.
Meanwhile, Michael Cimino takes Sergei Eisenstein's route by showing emotions of the Slavic people's faces inside the
tent, but who the fuck are they? How do I connect to them? That's the whole problem. In order to make a good film, the
director has to make me care about them; otherwise, there's no movie. Develop the characters for fuck's sake.
That's why Michael Cimino still doesn't fucking get it.
What's the relevance of the prologue: the Harvard graduation ceremony? What's its connection to the grand scheme of things?
Michael Cimino fails to tie it all together along with the rest of the disconnected scenes. What the fuck does the fiddler
mounted on roller skates playing the instrument for five uninterrupted minutes have to do with the plot? Explain this to me.
The dance scene when everybody is twirling around like crazy...is the movie supposed to be a musical or a Western?
Michael Cimino still doesn't fucking get it.
Rumored to be initially two hours long, the shooting scene à la The Wild Bunch at the end, what the fuck is that all
about? Why are the Slavs stupidly running around in circles like retards with no worked-out battle plan in mind? And the ending,
what the fuck is that all about? Why did I have to waste 216 minutes for nothing? What the fuck is Michael Cimino doing
by abusing these animals just to make a movie for entertainment? Does he think the horses and chickens are having a barrel of
laughs by taking the abuse while being filmed? Michael Cimino still doesn't fucking get it.
I knew what I was getting into. That's why I avoided the movie on purpose for many years. I wasn't ready to
sit down and endure the bloody wasteful mess that cost $44 million only to take in a total profit of $1.3 (some say
$3.5) million, almost bankrupting United Artists which was founded by Charlie Chaplin, Douglas Fairbanks,
D.W. Griffith, and Mary Pickford. The studio was eventually sold to MGM.
All in all, Heaven's Gate is the cinema equivalent of Michael Cimino masturbating to himself.
Heaven's Prisoners (1996)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
11/15
11/15:
It's frustrating to watch an Alec Baldwin film.
Alec is a talented actor with a lot of potential, but the way he's used by a director rarely matches my expectations.
That's the case with Heaven's Prisoners which took two years to be released due to bankruptcy issues and was
ultimately a massive box-office failure.
Heaven's Prisoners seems to be a terrific neo-noir with a good story. Yet the longer the movie went on, the
more I realized there's a lot of fat that needed to be trimmed in order for it to be a lean, sleek thriller. At least, it's
a nice New Orleans picture.
It lacks intelligence and believability. For starters, why does Dave Robicheaux want to bother with the mystery behind
the plane crash? He just makes the situation worse by getting to the bottom of what happened. Let the authorities deal
with it; it's what they do for a living. In fact, where were they the whole time? Also, Robicheaux has been punched in
the face so many times that he still looks good afterwards.
At the same time, there's no chemistry between Robicheaux and his wife or his adopted daughter (how insulting of the couple
to give her a new name when she can clearly communicate). He seems to have moved on without a problem after the death of his
wife. In the meantime, Eric Roberts opts for cornrows for his hair, making things interesting for a while. Eventually,
he gives it up and goes back to his normal hairstyle. Teri Hatcher bares all for one juicy scene, but unfortunately, her
breasts aren't that "spectacular" as she famously claimed. Plus, her character isn't believable, either.
All in all, Heaven's Prisoners runs too long, having evolved into a hot, sweaty whodunnit mess.
The Heiress (1949)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
9/11, 6/22
9/11:
The Heiress is a good, if awkward, film, but it's not that great as many claim it to be.
Although Olivia de Havilland scored an Oscar win as Catherine Sloper, I don't find her impressive enough. In a way, Montgomery
Clift seems to steal the show, but really, it's Ralph Richardson who did. His character's stance against marriage makes
the most sense, yet I wonder why Catherine couldn't wait for a year or two to allow Morris Townsend's true colors to come through.
For a while, I thought I was going to be given the same old Hollywood crap at the end, but luckily, it didn't happen. So,
it's a nice treat for a change.
The big reason for my lowered rating is how awkward the plot is. It doesn't feel believable while I'm being forced
to accept that Olivia de Havilland is a plain-looking woman with dull qualities. Are you kidding me? It's Olivia freaking
de Havilland. The filmmakers should've found somebody else like...Shelley Winters. To make matters worse, an eternally
handsome guy like Montgomery Clift wanting to marry a plain woman isn't going to happen unless he's a drunkard. Either way,
there's no debate: Morris was out for her money.
Although Dr. Sloper may have expressed his feelings harshly toward Catherine, I still side with him. She shouldn't have
renounced him the way she did. So, it'll haunt her until the end of her life. For what it's worth, he's the unrecognized
hero although the situation should've been better handled such as a prenuptial agreement.
All in all, The Heiress is worth watching, but it's not a masterpiece.
6/22:
Although the acting is first-rate for The Heiress, the plot is still weird.
Young man and woman meet for a day, and marriage is suddenly in the air. He decides to abandon her at the last minute but
comes back years later and redoes the one-day proposal. The father is upset about it because of her great fortune. The whole
time, I was like, "Why not wait a year or two to get to know each other? And if the father is so concerned, then
draw up a prenuptial agreement."
I've always thought of Olivia de Havilland as a mix of homely and good-looking. Had she been more of the first part, then
what's going on and how the father perceives her would've made sense. But she leans more toward the second part,
mitigating the intended effect. Hence, it's difficult for me to believe the plot fully. In the meantime, the father is the
problem: his reliance on conditional love. That's why the daughter, having finally woke up, decided to shut him out.
Yet I thought she was supposed to have no brains?
Nonetheless, the performances are superlative. Clearly, Ralph Richardson's is the strongest, and therefore, he deserved
the Oscar. Olivia de Havilland is fine, but they should've gotten somebody else more plain-looking like Shelley Winters to
reach for 100% believability. Montgomery Clift is way, way better than he was in
The Search and Red River by
ceasing to be one-note. Believe it or not, despite their chemistry, Olivia de Havilland and Montgomery Clift never
got along during the filming. On the other hand, Miriam Hopkins is excellent as the foolish sister/aunt.
All in all, The Heiress scores well in all areas but lacks conviction and can sometimes remind
me of Gaslight.
Heist (2001)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
7/24
7/24:
While watching Heist, I thought the dialogue was a rip-off of David Mamet's stuff.
To my surprise, I found out afterwards that he actually wrote it and also directed the film. The way the characters
talked sounds artificial and very stagy. Is there a parody going on here? As for the story, it's
The Spanish Prisoner all over again. The switcheroos are endless and thus
tiresome. Even Ricky Jay and Mamet's wife, Rebecca Pidgeon, appears for the umpteenth time with almost the same set of
male leads from Get Shorty.
The concept is interesting, but let's face it: heist pictures have been done to death since
The Asphalt Jungle came out in 1950. That is to say the formula is exactly the
same and everybody is so smart and genius-like with the ability to foresee five to ten steps ahead. Even
The Score came out during the same time. By the way, I don't understand why Gene
Hackman's character is so concerned about being burned after showing his face yet nothing happens to him afterwards.
All in all, it's time for David Mamet to retire from the directing business, and please...no more Rebecca Pidgeon!
Hell in the Pacific (1968)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
12/14
12/14:
Seven Samurai meets The Dirty Dozen.
In Hell in the Pacific, Toshiro Mifune battles Lee Marvin on some island in what seems to be a clash of
Eastern and Western philosophies of what it means to be an ape.
There must have been less than 200 spoken words throughout the entire film. All I saw is two actors trying to mimic the
behavior of monkeys with me trying to figure out what it's exactly they're aiming at. Because I read Robinson Crusoe,
I knew building a wooden raft was necessary in order to escape the island, but why did it have to take so long?
The ending is comical because these two men just blow themselves up, and that's it. Probably the
filmmakers had run out of money and were therefore forced to give up on the movie pronto.
All in all, Hell in the Pacific was a box-office failure back then, and I can see why.
Hell Is for Heroes (1962)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
6/17
6/17:
It's impossible to miss Steve McQueen in Hell Is for Heroes.
If not for him, it would've been another bland war picture, even if it was directed by Don Siegel. Making his film
debut, Bob Newhart is quite funny and milks it for all it's worth in what's a small part.
Hell Is for Heroes starts off awkwardly, but as soon as Steve McQueen appears, things change for the better. He brings
credibility to the table by virtue of his method acting. The ending, which is
The Great Escape-like, puts the final
stamp on it as a good movie. Recently, I saw War Hunt with Robert Redford, and
Hell Is for Heroes is, hands down, better.
All in all, Steve McQueen and Don Siegel could've done more movies together.
Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
3/07, 7/10
3/07:
Showing a panoramic display of visuals only to have an awesome collapse, Hellbound: Hellraiser II started off
slowly before the pace was picked up as Clare Higgins reprised her role, pushing the sequel to a new territory.
As soon as the doctor received his chance to become a cenobite, the movie started to fall apart due to the pileup of nonsense
that I had been sucked into. That's when I stopped caring and began to look at my watch as often as possible.
What bothered me was the doctor's head being controlled by some kind of tentacle. Because of it, I was prevented from seeing
the big picture. Therefore, the movie felt like a mind game, annoying me to no end.
Meanwhile, it would've been nice to see Pinhead more often. Ironically, he hadn't had the chance to shine during the first two
pictures despite being featured as centerpiece of the franchise. What's with this mute girl? What did she have to do with
the plot? She had to be one of the most useless characters I'd seen. Get rid of her.
All in all, I wished that Hellbound: Hellraiser II didn't fall apart.
7/10:
I've realized how stupid Hellbound: Hellraiser II is.
It starts off okay. Then, I've lost interest, wanting the movie to end already.
All in all, Hellbound: Hellraiser II sucks.
Hellcats of the Navy (1957)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
4/25
4/25:
Hellcats of the Navy is a unique Hollywood picture featuring thespians who'll go on to be U.S.
President and First Lady.
That's the only reason to see it. Nonetheless, the story is average with unexciting action. I can't help but
think how much better Run Silent, Run Deep was, having been released
one year later. Ditto for The Enemy Below.
If the Navy made a regular showing of Hellcats of the Navy to its audience back then,
that's fine by me. To be fair, the second half is better, being more clear in the objective of
the mission.
I hate to say this, but star power does matter. It's largely the reason why
Run Silent, Run Deep worked by having Clark Gable and Burt
Lancaster on board. Ronald Reagan simply doesn't have it. He thinks character can be easily created by raising
his left eyebrow. On the other hand, forget Nancy Davis; she stinks. By the way, yes...that's the guy himself
at the beginning of the film: Fleet Admiral Chester W. Nimitz.
All in all, there are better submarine pictures than Hellcats of the Navy.
Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II (1987)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
12/19
12/19:
It seems the Prom Night franchise is in the business of ripping off well-known horror films.
The most obvious source is Carrie. In the original, there's also a lot of
Halloween with, for some inexplicable
reason, Saturday Night Fever thrown in. In the sequel, I saw plenty of familiarity from
A Nightmare on Elm Street
with the constant annoying references to The Exorcist. So I guess the
appropriate title should've been A Nightmare on Exorcist Street: Carrie's Revenge Twice Over.
One thing is for sure: the sequel looks fresher, is less amateurish, gets right down to it quickly, and has more
deaths and nudity than the original although there's no connection between these two, save for the same high school and one
good line. However, for a 97-minute flick, it feels twice as long because there's a lot of filler with rip-offs of the
aforementioned films and they're all stupid.
I'm surprised Michael Ironside, who just came off the success of
Top Gun, appeared in this when I thought
Scanners was enough for him. Then again, it's a Canadian film, and he is a Canadian. The rest of
the cast is made up of untalented D-listers who aren't worth bothering with.
While watching A Nightmare on Exorcist Street: Carrie's Revenge Twice Over, I fail to understand what's so special
about proms. I skipped mine because it had no significance. When I read that high school kids had spent thousands of dollars
dressing up, getting their hair and nails done, renting a limo, and booking one night at a fancy hotel presumably to lose their
virginity, I was like, "What the...?" And forget that Prom Queen crap; it's the most "who cares?" event of the whole thing.
All in all, the prom genre begins and ends with only Carrie.
Hellraiser (1987)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
3/07, 5/10
3/07:
"Jesus wept."
Yeah, he would. It's the most memorable part of Hellraiser which defines how horror picture should be: surreal,
imaginative, scary, abstract, and beyond words. The story is good which is backed up with excellent acting and
direction. Andrew Robinson is great. Remember what he did as Scorpio in Dirty Harry?
There are two groups of villains, but only one is a threat. The first is cenobites which include Pinhead, and the other
comprises a man and a woman who have committed sins and are therefore rewarded a trip to hell. In between
is a girl (Ashley Laurence) who lives in reality like the rest of us.
All in all, Hellraiser is what a horror picture is all about.
5/10:
I have now seen the light, and I'm sorry to say there's zero intelligence behind Hellraiser.
It's virtually impossible to make out the story, and the action is often random. Clive Barker prefers to focus on gore
exclusively. When he does it, the film dies. Who can believe Kirsty knows how to move the slides of Lemarchand's box
correctly and make it work in her favor?
By the way, in regard to the box, the reward is either pain or pleasure. After the characters try it out, the result has been
always been pain. Is it a trick? In the interim, Andrew Robinson claims to be a pacifist in real life, yet he appeared in
many super violent pictures such as Dirty Harry,
Cobra, and Hellraiser. Huh, some stance.
All in all, Stephen King once said, "I have seen the future of horror fiction, and his name is Clive Barker..."; *yawn*
wake me up when he has finally come.
Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
6/10
6/10:
I like horror films.
I really do and don't mind them abstract as long as they'll make sense and not violate the rules. Well, forget it for
Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth. It's beyond bad.
What's with the god-awful cheesy acting? The dialogue is putrid. There's no story. It's all gore, and for what purpose? Is
it just a way of making the film less boring to watch?
By the way, if the pinhead (pun intended here) was demanding possession of Lemarchand's box, then how did it get forcibly
removed from the statue in the first place? I mean, it had been in the same location where Pinhead was.
All in all, Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth is an outstandingly bad movie.
Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
6/10
6/10:
Many times, I wondered why film companies were dead set on making stupid sequels that were full of mindless drivel.
Hellraiser: Bloodline is no exception. For the first half hour or so, the movie was going all right until the pinhead
started to show up. Then, it quickly went downhill from there.
Pinhead talks too much and is full of shit with empty platitudes. I had been saying, "Okay, whatever. Can we speed this up
already?" There's a lot of gore like the last sequel. But it doesn't equate to horror. A well-crafted story does, but there's
none to be found here.
A countdown timer is shown which was less than six minutes. Then, about two minutes later, it's
more than six minutes. This probably explains why the director was named Alan Smithee. Also, looking at the codes for the
computer program, there's a word "alpha" that's misspelled as "aplha." Yeah, low IQ was clearly at work among the filmmakers.
I don't get this: if killing off the Merchant's bloodline is so important, why don't they do it during the 18th
century instead of waiting until the 22nd century when one of the descendants is in the mother's womb?
All in all, low intelligence has been overwhelming throughout Hellraiser: Bloodline.
Hellraiser: Inferno (2000)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
6/10
6/10:
This is the final film of the bullshit Hellraiser franchise for me.
I've had enough of the junk. Everything in the film has been garbage. It's a mighty big fall for
Craig Sheffer who starred opposite Brad Pitt in a prestigious film directed by Robert Redford.
All in all, if Hellraiser: Inferno was strictly a detective story, it would've been better.
Hell's Angels (1930)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
5/25
5/25:
Hell's Angels is a notable film for two reasons: Howard Hughes directed it and the major screen debut
of Jean Harlow.
Despite showing some trappings of silent cinema, it's a timeless movie. Because of the aerial scenes in the
final forty-five minutes of which four people died for real, the Oscar nomination for Best Cinematography is
richly deserved. Howard Hughes flew once to pull off a dangerous stunt that nobody wanted to perform and
fractured his skull after crashing his plane.
The story is unique with a love quadrangle (not triangle that so many reviewers have mentioned), and the lines
are shocking to hear with some profanities and instances of taking the Lord's name in vain. You won't hear
the following that much in a 30's war picture such as:
"Can't you see they're just words? Words coined by politicians and profiteers to trick you into fighting for
them. What's a word compared with life...the only life you've got. I'll give 'em a word. Murder! That's what
this dirty rotten politician's war is."
"Would you be shocked if I put on something more comfortable?"
"Why should we fight this war? For capitalism? You will die! You will die! All your sons will die for
capitalism! Down with capitalism! Down with war!"
"Listen, Roy, never love a woman. Just make love to her."
The Zeppelin raid scene may be a weird sight, but it did happen during WWI. When the ship crashed, it ironically
predicted the Hindenburg disaster on May 6, 1937. However, I don't like the occasional colorized scenes,
causing some of the characters to appear ghastly white. To fix the issue, the whole thing should be strictly
black and white.
What happened is that talking pictures had finally arrived but Hell's Angels was first shot as a silent
film in 1927, so Howard Hughes decided to redo most of it which ultimately failed to turn a profit despite
finishing number one at the box office of 1930. At least, it began Jean Harlow's career as a vamp, predating
Marilyn Monroe by twenty years. She was in her late teens when that happened. Everybody else's performance is
good, and the standouts are Ben Lyon and Lucien Prival.
All in all, it's prophetic that Jean Harlow's line in Hell's Angels is "Life's short, and I wanna
live while I'm alive" as she passed away in 1937 at age 26.
Helter Skelter (1976)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
8/14, 1/18, 12/21
8/14:
Helter Skelter, despite the long running length, is a fine court docudrama.
It must have been difficult to film given the labyrinthine narrative. There are good performances, most especially
from George DiCenzo as Vincent Bugliosi and Nancy Wolfe as the crazed, remorseless sexpot. The interview between Vincent
Bugliosi and Paul Watkins has to be the best scene of the film. It's quite captivating and lucid to listen to.
Apparently, Steve Railsback was cast for the role of the useless twit because of the effect with his eyes. He does
give the money's worth in the last hour and plays the character too well. Sadly, it'll sum up his acting career.
All in all, Helter Skelter is a nice summary of what happened, and I was rooting for Vincent Bugliosi throughout.
1/18:
Finally to have come around reading the famous true crime book, I decided to see Helter Skelter once more to see how
it compares.
Well, the film does get a lot of the details correct but for some reason chooses to change the names of some people. Why?
It's already out in the open as a matter of public record. Well, nobody will do it better than Steve Railsback as the
famous mass murderer. He looks the part, right down to his mesmerizing wide-open eyes. But the best performance of the
film goes to Jason Ronard as Paul Watkins. The way he broke down Manson's motive through the Book of Revelation is amazing.
Unfortunately, hardly much of the crime scene at 10050 Cielo Drive is shown, and there's absolutely nothing at the other
address: 3301 Waverly Drive. What a disappointment. At least, the narrative is from Vincent Bugliosi's perspective just
exactly like the book. The facts are laid out, but the story is far more complicated than as described in the film.
All in all, Helter Skelter has to be read if you want to get to the bottom of the mystery.
12/21:
Vincent Bugliosi's Helter Skelter is the best true crime book ever written, but it's too bad that the movie sometimes
either omits a lot of details or differs from the actual version.
It's a fascinating case, no doubt, and it'll never happen again. The reason why is that if somebody wrote a fiction novel of
what went down, nobody would believe it. You may hear a lot about Tom Cruise, John Travolta, and Scientology, but Charles Manson
came way, way before them and borrowed a lot from the cult via The Process. The result is two nights of Helter
Skelter that greatly disturbed everybody afterwards.
Today, two of the five convicted murderers are dead, and the remaining have begged for a parole which will probably not
be granted Back then, the three female defendants were singing, giggling, and having the fun of their lives; now, more than
forty years later, they've been reduced to old hags with the public laughing back at them. Hence, these idiots got what they
deserved. (7/12/23 Author Note: Oops. Leslie Van Houten was finally paroled. That's why California is a joke.)
Although the film version captures most of what happened as described in the book, there's still
too much missing with some names changed. Even the Toscanini of Tedium, Irving Kanarek, isn't mentioned. He'll go on to
pull the same shit during the Onion Field case. To overcome the problem, the movie should've been six to nine hours long
because there are still tons of material to cover.
Yet the performances are outstanding. To begin with George DiCenzo, it's whom I imagined Vincent Bugliosi to be. No one will
top the portrayal of Charles Manson by Steve Railsback. Nancy Wolfe as Susan Atkins is chillingly effective. One of the best
acting jobs is by Jason Ronard as Paul Watkins who explained the ulterior motive behind the murders.
All in all, as good as the movie is for Helter Skelter, the book is still unbeatable.
Hendrix (2000)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
2/25
2/25:
Never underestimate the power of editing.
That's how Hendrix was saved; otherwise, it would've been an ordinary made-for-TV picture. The director takes
the classic Bob Fosse approach to tell the story of Jimi Hendrix's rise and fall. Most of it is accurate,
if encyclopedic, in terms of recounting the events in his life, but there's so much more to tell. What's left out is
that he abused drugs and alcohol to the extreme and, as a result, was an angry, violent person.
I remember Wood Harris as Julius from Remember the Titans. He has
done a fine job here although it's tough to capture Jimi Hendrix's personality. Yeah, that's not his music being
played; they're just covers, probably because of the estate's refusal to sell rights for them to be used in the
film. Also, the look is too modern to pass for the late 60's.
Chas Chandler of the Animals was pretty much responsible for molding Jimi Hendrix into a superstar which began in
1966. Michael Jeffery also existed and died in a plane crash in 1973 at age 39. He simply stole almost all of
Jimi Hendrix's income by funneling it to offshore bank accounts. There's a longstanding rumor that Michael
Jeffery killed Jimi Hendrix in 1970 by supplying him with pills and wine so he could collect the insurance money.
It's true, which isn't commonly known, that many music bands, famous and not, were milked by their managers and had
been worked so hard to the bone. Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones once said, "In the early days, you got paid
absolutely nothing. I'll never forget the deals I did in the '60s, which were just terrible. You say,
'Oh, I'm a creative person, I won't worry about this.' But that just doesn't work. Because everyone would
just steal every penny you've got."
All in all, if you're interested in Jimi Hendrix, Hendrix is a good start, but you'll get far
ahead by reading his biographies.
Henry & June (1990)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
8/15
8/15:
Henry & June is an overlong, flat, and unsexual erotica picture about Henry Miller and Anaïs Nin.
The dialogue is unconvincing. So is the passion. It's basically two hours of faking sex, talking about it, getting thrilled
whenever somebody says either "fuck" or "fucking," and having too much of it.
On the other hand, the cinematography is outstanding. In many ways, Henry & June tries hard to be the next
9½ Weeks. Additionally, it's highly comparable, yet similar, to
The Unbearable Lightness of Being,
with both having been directed by Philip Kaufman. The trouble is that it probably works well for the sexually inexperienced
viewers. Otherwise, they'll find a lot of scenes passé. So, it's a matter of showing the film to the right audience.
Despite the negatives, Maria de Medeiros and Uma Thurman give the best performances. The former, who bears an uncanny
resemblance to Anaïs Nin, is pretty and surprisingly into her character. The latter comes alive during the last half hour,
making her case of how great and important she can be as a supporting actress. Both went on to star in
Pulp Fiction four years later.
Trying to accept Fred Ward as Henry Miller, I can never overcome his association with previous works, most especially
Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins. He doesn't fit the part and is almost a parody of what a lead actor is
supposed to be, but he puts in a noble effort by trying his best. As a matter of fact, the role was meant for Alec Baldwin,
but he pulled out two weeks before they were set to film. It would've been interesting to see him because he's more
than capable of meeting the challenge in a Daniel Day-Lewis way.
All in all, Philip Kaufman's problem is that he spends too much time on the ambience and doesn't know how to
translate passion on screen in a convincing manner like Zalman King.
Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
10/07, 2/09, 8/20
10/07:
"Yeah. I killed my mama."
In response to "How about those Bears?", Henry nonchantly says, "Fuck the Bears." Shot in 28 days under a budget of $110,000,
Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer is bar none the best in the serial killer genre. No other film comes close.
After the movie was assessed with an 'X' rating and then released, it went straight to underground, developing a notorious reputation.
Many who saw it were shocked and disturbed which was usually met with a deafening silence at the end. This is a film that
doesn't glorify violence, make a showboat of macabre deeds, or take pleasure in gruesome acts. The horror is real like
the sound of a neck being snapped. There's no explanation, and we just observe.
This is Michael Rooker at his chilling best. What a performance for him which is clearly off the charts. He has the perfect
demeanor to play such a character. Michael Rooker would come to the set from janitorial work in the same clothes, do the
scenes, and leave without socializing with anyone. He only had one request: don't fuck with the jacket.
Tom Towles gives an excellent performance as Otis who's a disturbing guy himself. Tracy Arnold is perfect. It's easy
to feel bad for her character toward the end since she didn't know any better and was residing in a household of two
extremely dangerous men.
All in all, when I think of John McNaughton's Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, I say, "Finally. Somebody who has guts."
2/09:
There are a very few films that define the word horror, but there isn't anything like Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer.
There's no one with a more chilling persona than Michael Rooker as Henry. The way his character goes through the day with
this kind of attitude, he's emotionless and has no conscience. Unlike many mainstream pictures that revel in sadism, nothing
is glorified in Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer. It's just what it is. There's no explanation of why, how, or what
caused Henry to be who he is.
All in all, Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer is a true cinematic masterpiece.
8/20:
Apart from Schindler's List, Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer has the
highest level of realism I've seen in any film.
The performances by Michael Rooker, Tom Towles, and Tracy Arnold are absolutely excellent, and they should've garnered
Oscar nominations. Nobody is as chilling as Michael Rooker's character who's a cold-blooded killer.
All in all, you won't find a more real horror film than Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer.
Her Alibi (1989)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
11/16
11/16:
Her Alibi is a well-known Tom Selleck vehicle that looks more of a 90's than an 80's picture.
It's actually hard to pinpoint what went wrong, but I think it's the story that doesn't make sense. Even worse
is the possibility of an arrow landing on Blackwood's buttocks from the house which is a good 500 yards away.
I can't say Her Alibi is a funny movie, but it moves well from start to finish. The acting, except for
Paulina Porizkova who's more of a model, is decent. Everybody does a fine job of keeping the material as fresh
as possible.
Taken from IMDb, "Lead actors Tom Selleck and Paulina Porizkova had such a bad time on this movie that, by the
time filming ended, they refused to be in the same room with each other. To make the ad poster for the film,
director Bruce Beresford had to photo shoot them both separately and digitally combine the two photos using
Paintbox software, so that it looked like Selleck was standing behind Porizkova with his arms around her.
Porizkova and Selleck's wife, Jillie Mack, didn't get along too well. Porizkova walked off the set, costing
Warner Bros. thousands of dollars and loss of time."
All in all, Her Alibi will do on any rainy Sunday afternoon.
Hero (1992)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
10/23
10/23:
For Hero, it's Enrico "Ratso" Rizzo's chance to be a hero, but he totally throws it away because
he's too much of a cynical asshole to care.
Instead, Andy Garcia's character gets the chance to shine in his place by merely hearing his story of how the airline
crash went down. That being said, he looks better for public relations, but who knows about his background and how he
ended up being homeless? Yeah, he certainly looks presidential given the silly idealistic crap he spouts.
Of course, it's the story that's the winner, evoking some of the traditional elements from Frank Capra's pictures.
Having Dustin Hoffman on board does help, but his character is annoying. For the longest time, I wasn't sure if it's
Chevy Chase, and his name didn't get mentioned in the opening or closing credits, but it's actually him, nevertheless.
At any rate, he should've done more roles like it to keep his career going.
All in all, no matter how annoying Dustin Hoffman is, Hero works because of the story.
The Heroes of Telemark (1965)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
5/24
5/24:
Unbelievably, given the similarities, The Heroes of Telemark can't be exciting enough to be the poor man's
Where Eagles Dare.
Instead of Richard Burton and Clint Eastwood, it's Richard Harris and Kirk Douglas, but they ended up hurting the film so
much by hating each other. Watching them on screen, it's apparent that they didn't want to acknowledge each other.
In fact, when Kirk Douglas first showed up on the set, he asked Richard Harris, "Are you going to be as difficult as they say you are?"
which was met with a quick response: "Are you going to be as big a bastard as they say you are?" They used to arrive there in separate Jaguars. Then, one day, Richard Harris came in a Rolls Royce which pissed off his co-star who
therefore refused to work until he was accorded the similar treatment.
Meanwhile, in spite of being shot on location in Norway, the action is too dull to fire me up just like how
Where Eagles Dare did. There have been promises at times only to let me down all
the way through from start to finish. Occasionally, I'm left in disbelief at the impossibility of some moments like Kirk
Douglas, who plays an ordinary doctor of physics turned James Bond, getting away from a couple dozen Nazis on skis and
moving around as if nothing happened after he's shot near where his Achilles' heel is. Even the Nazis' security at the
factory is so lax that I've doubted their seriousness about making the atomic bomb possible. Plus, I can see the freedom
fighters in the dark while they can't.
Forget the story; it's mostly fake. The real act of sabotage was successful with nary a gunshot fired the entire time.
After it happened, the Nazis didn't know the Allies were planning to do it, having been forced to take several months to recover from the setback
to get the heavy water production going again. However, it's moot because the plan, if successfully implemented, wouldn't
have worked as the Nazis were still long ways off from producing a working atomic bomb, thanks to the brain
drain that Germany experienced when the best of the best left the country for good after WWII broke out. To be fair,
nobody on the Allied side at the time knew it.
All in all, Richard Harris and Kirk Douglas are fine in The Heroes of Telemark, but I wish it was
more like Where Eagles Dare, that's all.
Hi, Mom! (1970)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
6/17
6/17:
Hi, Mom! is another awful film in Brian De Palma's résumé and is also a waste of Robert De Niro's talent.
It starts out well with Charles Durning (who's credited as Charles Durnham) playing the landlord who gives De Niro's
character the grand tour of a completely rundown apartment that's rented for $45 a month instead of thirty dollars more.
Once it's over, things start to go downhill. It's like watching two or three films at once. Brian De Palma shows off
his fetish for voyeurism à la Rear Window that's almost embarrassing to watch.
Having done plenty of pictures about it, he must be very obsessed.
Watching Robert De Niro, it's safe to say he, even if it's unbeknownst to him, was preparing for
Taxi Driver. His
potential as a great actor isn't hard to see. It would be another four years before he entered the major league when
he appeared in The Godfather Part II.
All in all, Hi, Mom! is an unredeemable incoherent mess.
The Hidden (1987)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
1/17
1/17:
The Hidden is an underrated sci-fi thriller with a great story to boot.
In many ways, it's a combination of The Terminator,
Twin Peaks, Scanners,
Alien, The Driver, and
The Manchurian Candidate. This may be the best David Cronenberg film he had
never directed. Not pushing hard for a lot of elements that'll take up a bulk of the budget, the filmmakers let
the story speak for itself, earning respect for quality. However, the ending is somewhat of a letdown.
Quirky and weird, Kyle MacLachlan may look redundant, but it's a perfect role for him. Turning down the offer to
play Martin Riggs in Lethal Weapon, Michael Nouri, a Steven Bauer look-alike, gives a great performance and does an
excellent job of working with Kyle MacLachlan. Their chemistry is a bonus. Two well-known TV stars appear in this: Richard
Brooks, the assistant district attorney from Law & Order, and Katherine Cannon who played Donna Martin's mother in
Beverly Hills, 90210.
All in all, never over-the-top at any point, The Hidden is an unrecognized gem in the sci-fi genre.
Hide and Seek (2005)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
11/08
11/08:
Not only have I seen this a million of times, but I have also seen this a billion of times before.
Hide and Seek is the latest in the endless line of supernatural films which includes The Shining,
The Sixth Sense, A Stir of Echoes,
White Noise,
The Ring, The Grudge,
The Amityville Horror,
I Know Who Killed Me, Godsend,
Boogeyman, and
Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2.
They all have the same thematic elements: there's a noise, it's hidden, it's invisible, it has a name, it takes at least
one hour until the noise is identified, and when I see what it is, it turns out to be bullshit. There are three possible
endings for such movies: it's an apparition because of some unsolved mystery, it's a monster that just
likes to kill, and it's simply an illusion. This one falls in the third category.
That's not Robert De Niro in Hide and Seek. That's Bob De Niro, some fraud actor who sort of looks like him and is
only there to collect a paycheck. Uh, remind me why is Elizabeth Shue's character, when she's around a kid, flashing
her cleavage as much as possible? Maybe it's a device to keep me awake from time to time. Couple the boy from
Godsend with Dakota Fanning, and they'll make a fine, fine pair as both are hideously ugly, pale-skinned, and
annoying to no end.
All in all, Hide and Seek can still be found at the bottom of the barrel after it's been scraped so hard and
there's almost nothing left.
High Anxiety (1977)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
2/25
2/25:
High Anxiety is a huge missed opportunity.
Mel Brooks barely scratches the surface when it comes to spoofing Alfred Hitchcock's films. Instead of
one per few minutes, there are four or five parodies in the entire movie from three sources:
Vertigo, Psycho, and
The Birds. They say Spellbound is
also included, but not really...it's only a humorous take of psychoanalysis in general. Otherwise, a mockery of
Salvador Dalí's dream sequence would've been included.
Not a single cameo appearance from the Master of Suspense? Why the switch to something else such as
Blow-Up and Citizen Kane? And there's the
random Bond villain with braces on his teeth from The Spy Who Loved Me.
Hey Mel, just stick with the Hitchcock stuff...so much potential there. At the same time, I don't think the film
has a plot except for the obvious: the institute is keeping normal patients longer for their money. All it has
is a string of weak sketches.
I didn't realize Alfred Hitchcock was still alive at the time (he died in 1980). Mel Brooks held a private
screening of High Anxiety for him, and his response afterwards was silence. I'm sure it's a kind translation
for "the movie sucks." At least, there are some funny moments, but they're scattered. Cloris Leachman gets
points for giving a wacky performance, and I wonder why Marty Feldman wasn't asked back. By the way, the hotel
used in the film is Hyatt Regency San Francisco.
All in all, High Anxiety is better off being crapped on by birds.
High Crimes (2002)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
7/18, 4/25
7/18:
Five years after Kiss the Girls, Morgan Freeman and Ashley Judd reteam
to make a murder-mystery thriller, and it doesn't work again.
The truth is that Ashley Judd isn't a good actress, looks silly for a high-powered lawyer, doesn't have much of
chemistry with Morgan Freeman, and often resorts to tears as a crutch to get through many scenes. Appearing
once again in a throwaway film with an inferior cast minus Michael Shannon, Morgan Freeman, who's the main reason
for picking up this piece of crap, shows how extremely clear the chasm is when it comes to the quality of acting
between him and everybody else.
At any rate, Morgan Freeman somewhat phones it in, but at least, he gets to sport a cool-looking gold earring,
especially during the trial in military court(!). The word is that Morgan Freeman wears such pricey earrings
so if he dies in some strange place they'll take care of the expenses for his coffin. I think he has a better
chance of being dead in a bad film.
When the case was won by Claire Kubik and her husband out of the blue, I noticed there were twenty minutes left,
leading me to think of the only logical outcome: the husband actually did it. And shockingly...not,
it turns out to be true. Right from the start, why would Claire be stupid enough to stand by him when it's
apparent she still had absolutely no idea who he was?
Some while later, the husband, played by Jim Caviezel who's never believable as either a carpenter or a
hardened, homicidal soldier, is shot twice in the chest yet has the physical strength to put up a mighty
fight with his assailant. Getting to be Friday the 13th, huh Carl?
Yet why does the husband have to go that far? Ever heard of...double jeopardy? There's nothing his wife
can do about it. He got away with the murders. Maybe the Marines should've tried harder to convict him, but
it insists on attempting to kill Claire instead of getting her taken off the case for some reason or another.
By the way, if a man and woman have sex, they don't do it with clothes on.
Elsewhere, Michael Shannon has a very small role, having been granted like five minutes of screen time.
When Morgan Freeman's character secretly recorded him while drunk, it's illegal. Anyway, Michael Shannon will
work with Ashley Judd four years later in a brilliantly directed film by William Friedkin called
Bug. It's the only great performance of her career although I should also add
Norma Jean and Marilyn.
All in all, please no more Morgan Freeman-Ashley Judd pictures; they stink.
4/25:
Got to love that Morgan Freeman showing up in military court as a lawyer with a gold earring and Frederick
Douglass haircut.
High Crimes still stink. It has a couple of editing issues: when Morgan Freeman spotted his co-lawyer
having a drink in the bar and then got beaten up in the next shot and when Ashley Judd asked a stupid question
in court and then it's cut off to somewhere else. Throughout, there's too much of Ashley Judd who either overacts
or looks silly for a high-powered righteous lawyer. If not her, it's Amanda Peet on top of wearing so much makeup.
All in all, Morgan Freeman continues to waste his talent on rubbish pictures.
High Noon (1952)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
8/04, 6/22
6/22: High Noon is a Western classic that's a personal favorite of some U.S. Presidents.
Well, it's easy to explain. They think they're Will Kane when facing a difficult situation alone with long odds but
are really criminals and should be in prison instead. Gary Cooper is sort of iconic, which netted him an Oscar win,
but I think he's fine. The ending works for me, but Will Kane should have dumped his wife anyway.
I won't say High Noon is overrated; it's like
Moby Dick: lots of symbolism. The people who keep turning Will
Kane down are like different interest groups while the bad guys at the end represent the ultimate crisis that needs to be
taken care of. While watching the film, I thought it deserved Oscars for three categories: Best Actor, Best Song, and Best
Editing. Each was hit on the mark perfectly.
The nonexistent backstory between Will Kane and Helen Ramirez is one of the weakest points. So is the final showdown which can
be at best described as anticlimactic. Some of the characters aren't richly developed. Instead, more time is spent on Kane
walking around, the "Do Not Forsake Me, Oh My Darling" song, and the residents giving reasons for saying no.
John Wayne famously hated the movie, having turned down the lead role, and called it "the most un-American thing I've ever
seen in my whole life." He went on to say: "I'm glad to see they're giving this to a man who is not only most deserving, but
has conducted himself throughout the years in our business in a manner that we can all be proud of...now that I'm through
being such a good sport...I'm going back to find my business manager and agent...and find out why I didn't get
High Noon instead of Cooper." Ha! What a hypocrite.
All in all, I'm not totally enamored with High Noon, but it's a good movie nonetheless.
High Sierra (1941)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
7/15
7/15:
High Sierra is an above average fast-paced film noir that slows down considerably in the home stretch and has
a weak ending.
All fans of Humphrey Bogart should consider it a treat because he's at the top of his game, making a permanent
transition from a supporting actor to a leading actor. However, it's hard to root for his character because he's a criminal
to begin with: a convicted bank robber and cop killer. That's why these small acts of goodwill want to manipulate me
into thinking he's a good guy.
Ida Lupino complements Humphrey Bogart well and turns in a good performance. It's obvious that her character is the right sort for
Earle over Velma who's like any ordinary girl who prefers to be wrapped in pop culture. In real life, these two
stars never got along.
Oddly, judging by the looks of Velma's boyfriend, why can't he pay for the surgery to cure her clubfoot?
There are other silly parts which are hard to take seriously such as the dog doing tricks, the stereotypical black nitwit
(Willie Best who would be busted for heroin and pass away from cancer at the age of 45), and the dancing show that Velma put
on in mere days after undergoing through a major foot surgery.
All in all, High Sierra is a good start for Humphrey Bogart as a leading actor, but he'll star in
better films that have gone on to be timeless classics.
Higher Learning (1995)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
1/15
1/15:
Higher Learning brings out many memories when I think of my college days.
I went through a lot the first year: the parties and clubs, the financial aid situations, the friendships, the double murders,
the varsity sport stuff, the roommate from hell, the security cops, the riot, etc. Yep, I survived through two murders on
my campus in the span of five months, and one of the deceased was my former classmate in elementary school.
On the other hand, I knew somebody who used a computer at the library to hack into the mainframe to drop a couple of zeroes
in his tuition bill. Also, the library didn't have metal detectors. As a result, students routinely stole books from there
and then sold them online to pay their way through school. Even drugs and money were hidden inside them to make transactions.
I had met some Remys throughout the year, and my roommate from hell was exactly like him. They were always socially immature
white farm boys from Nebraska, Kansas, Idaho, South Dakota, etc. Once, I witnessed a massive riot after the neighboring
school's basketball team lost in the Final Four.
As hard as it is to believe, because the security cops on my campus had invariably asked students for their
identification, my friend and I came up with many different fake cards including a blank white card for display, yet we
were allowed to pass through the checkpoints because they never looked at the cards directly. Ultimately, we knew they
were nothing but powerless parking ticket writers who were not allowed to carry guns on the job.
Once, a student investigative newspaper reporter pressed the emergency button as a test to see how long it would take for security
to come. Despite being 100 feet from the building where the security office was located at, nobody came for 45 minutes.
That's why I can relate a lot to Higher Learning. The situations depicted are awfully realistic although they may seem
over the top at times, but I've actually experienced them.
Of course, because of director John Singleton, there are
plenty of Boyz n the Hood reminders throughout.
Laurence Fishburne is Professor Furious, with pipe smoking and all that, who counsels Omar Epps' Malik as if he's Tre
Styles. And there's Doughboy who's philosophizing about the meaning of school and life before being branded as a hypocrite
because all he wants to do is get high on weed. Oddly, he's more interested in getting an apology from the white guy for
calling a female "black bitch" than the rape of a white girl. Hey, is that Morris Chestnut running on the relay team?
Anyway, the rape situation is accurate as alcohol is almost always involved, and it remains a serious problem that
plagues college campuses to this day. The administration officials are usually dismissive of such situations and don't take
them seriously, and the campus police is next to hopeless in these matters. The truth is: college is big business. Every
student is a walking dollar sign in the eyes of the administration.
What's unique about college is there's an influx of ideas that it's easy for anyone to be impressed
because they are new, fresh, and exciting which make them feel alive. It's also a very dangerous time as some will act on
these ideas and take them to the extreme. That's why alcohol poisoning is such a regular occurrence as there's always somebody
taken to the hospital on any given night.
On the other hand, I've met numerous people that don't belong in college. In fact, I was shocked to see a mentally retarded
student in my class on the first day of school. More than 75% of my friends never came back after the first year because they
were not either academically cut out for the work or able to afford the bill. That's why it's crucial to do well in high
school in order to make the transition as seamless as possible which is simply not based on receiving stellar grades
but knowing how to read, write, and do math on the college level.
Somebody like Malik has no chance of making through college academically although being a track star excuses him from
meeting the obligation. He's just a slave who's being funded through scholarship which is contingent on his ongoing
track performance. Incidentally, there's an interesting reference to the sniper incident because it did happen
at The University of Texas in Austin.
All in all, Higher Learning can be unintentionally funny at times, but it's close to the truth.
Highway (2002)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
3/22
3/22:
Jared Leto and Jake Gyllenhaal get together to do an extreme picture.
I was thinking of Jack Kerouac's On the Road while watching Highway, and because of the quote at
the end, it turns out that I was correct after all. This is what the movie is about: two energetic but dumb
male characters going on the road just for the hell of it.
Of course, crazy things happen, and some of them are funny. One example is when Johnny the Fox mentioned having
been in the Nam for two tours. Well, it's true because he served under Sergeant Barnes in
Platoon and actually survived the ugly firefight at the end.
Jared Leto is the star of the film, and the talent is clearly there. Jake Gyllenhaal is okay but seems stoned
for the most part while Selma Blair is useless and therefore not needed. John C. McGinley and Jeremy Piven are
better with the latter giving the best performance of his terrible career.
Highway moves fairly okay for a long while. When there's an occasional slowdown in the momentum, Jared
Leto and Jake Gyllenhaal find a way to inject energy to get the show going again. Unfortunately, the movie dies
badly in the last fifteen minutes. There were times when I had forgotten the point of the whole thing.
All in all, Highway isn't bad, but it doesn't end well.
The Hills Have Eyes (1977)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
3/06, 3/14
3/06:
The Hills Have Eyes starts out boring and remains this way for the first hour before picking up the
pace to finish at a high note.
Yes, it has senseless violence, but the incidents are few and far between. What's interesting is how well-done the
spasti-cam technique is. Usually, it's implemented in the wrong way, causing motion sickness for me, but in this
one, the visuals are aesthetically pleasing although they look cheap and primitive.
On the other hand, the acting is dreadful. So, to enjoy the film will largely rest on how much you can take. The
frozen-frame ending is excellent, considering the brutality of the attacks to justify the protagonist's feelings
of his murdered wife and kidnapped baby.
All in all, The Hills Have Eyes is a good cult flick.
3/14:
Despite the fact that Wes Craven is a hack, The Hills Have Eyes isn't bad.
Although hampered by pacing issues, it meets most of the qualifications for a cult film. Obviously, the acting
is bad, and the dialogue is inane. It's not possible for a band of mental retards to speak this well. Meanwhile,
the movie poster is among the most creative, and the title sets the film apart from many in the horror genre.
All in all, The Hills Have Eyes may look and feel wretched, but it works.
The Hills Have Eyes Part II (1984)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
3/14
3/14:
To date, Wes Craven has publicly disowned The Hills Have Eyes Part II.
How can that be? It's impossible to disown lack of intelligence. That has been Wes Craven's problem in many of
his movies. The Hills Have Eyes Part II is probably the most glaring of them all.
Wasn't Pluto killed by the German Shepherd in the original? Why would Bobby fall in love with Ruby, the sister
of the cannibal family who murdered his family? Feral people can go back to normal? Dogs have flashbacks? Is
there a scientific proof of this?
How could there be a motorcycle event in the middle of nowhere that's back at
the same place in the original? Why would anyone be stupid enough to drive a bus over an unpaved road in the
middle of nowhere? When the trap was set for Reaper, why was he shown inside the bus? Shouldn't he be capable
of jumping over the ring of fire to escape harm?
Did Wes Craven steal the idea of a blind girl from Wait Until Dark? It looks
like he never saw the second part of Silent Night, Deadly Night to
avoid committing one of the deadliest cinema sins by using flashbacks extensively, but
he sure went through too many Friday the 13th sequels.
Nonetheless, The Hills Have Eyes Part II is inane, trite, lazy, pointless, and a damn waste of time. It's so
predictable when it comes to guessing who'll survive the massacre. The characters are horrible, idiotic, and not
worth caring about. Horror takes too long to begin, and when the archvillain finally appears, it becomes laughable.
All in all, The Hills Have Eyes Part II is utter trash.
The Hindenburg (1975)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
5/11
5/11:
The Crappenburg is literally a disaster picture of all sorts.
Just about everything about it fails except for the sight, whether it's the interior or the exterior, of the Hindenburg
which is nice to look at. There are no plot, dialogue of substance, quality acting, and interesting moments. Easily
the worst of them all is the climax. It's just awful, awful, awful.
Having suffered through the torturous bunch of nothings including the crazy, phony mystery which never happened in real life, I had
been waiting for nearly two hours for the infamous moment to happen. It's exactly the point of watching the film. I wanted
to see the zepellin going down in flames all basked in the glory of deluxe color. But noooo...
What the filmmakers did is mix up footage from the 1937 video with lots of bad, bad made-for-TV shots of people trying to
get the fuck out of the way. To make it look cheesy is freeze-frame the scene for a minute before resuming
again. The reporter who's describing the disaster scene is hilariously corny.
The ending is a real barrel of laughs as the fate of the individual characters goes like this: dead, dead, survived,
dead, dead, dead, survived... Well, I hardly knew them. In the interim, the so-called all-star cast has been wasted. I'll
gladly take either The Towering Inferno or
The Poseidon Adventure over this piece of shit any time of the day.
All in all, just say no to The Crappenburg.
His Favorite Pastime (1914)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
8/06
8/06:
His Favorite Pastime is easily the worst Charlie Chaplin picture so far.
It has no story and no point: just lots of pushing around and getting drunk, lots of boredom, and lots of nothing. Apparently,
the average IQ of everybody involved with this piece of shit has to be very low. And
therefore, the average IQ of those who laughed at the movie is much lower.
All in all, Charlie Chaplin was a fucking moron.
His Girl Friday (1940)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
2/21
2/21:
Having first seen Billy Wilder's remake of The Front Page and then the original, His Girl Friday has
both positives and negatives, but it's been more of the latter.
The 1931 version of
The Front Page is a boring movie to sit through. I said in my other review that over 5,000
words should've been cut out. Charles Lederer (and Ben Hecht who's uncredited) did the correct thing by redoing more than half of
the screenplay while reducing the volume of words and retaining most of the concepts. The result is: lightning fast modern dialogue
that's often overlapping.
That being said, it works in the favor of Cary Grant (no surprise there) and Rosalind Russell. When the principal stars are
together, they're good. However, when it's only her with the others, His Girl Friday loses momentum. When
Cary Grant is back, the pace is picked up again.
The biggest problem is the middle which starts after Cary Grant's disappearance until he's at the press room inside the
criminal courts building. It's the tedium of The Front Page all over again. Nothing works, and I'm simply bored,
feeling stuck with a play. Then, Cary Grant is back, and it's unbelievable to see how much he changes everything. Hence, lots of
credit go to him for making the film work.
Unfortunately, there's plenty of forced acting on Cary Grant's part which is especially noticeable during the second half.
Rosalind Russell is merely okay; she spends more energy trying to match her co-star in every way possible, and it shows. Not to
diss her, she does well when he's around. However, the dizzying speed of the dialogue is exhausting to keep up with, and
the ensuing confusion feels like The Big Sleep all over again.
All in all, regarded as the gold standard of the screwball comedy genre, His Girl Friday has everything, but
it's not thoroughly entertaining or funny.
His Kind of Woman (1951)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
5/09, 2/24
5/09:
His Kind of Woman is a weird film noir.
Having shown curiosity, my patience seemed to pay off handsomely well during the unraveling of the mystery.
Yet, at the 80th minute mark, it started to disintegrate into smithereens. Robert Mitchum was doing fine on his own
until Vincent Price took a lot of screen time away from him, prompting me to ask, "Who the hell is the picture for?"
The plot is nonsensical because the main question should be: "Why travel to Mexico to steal somebody's identity when Ferraro
could have arranged for Milner to come to Italy to save himself the trouble?" Then, all of a sudden, he changes his mind and
makes things worse by waiting until the last minute.
All in all, His Kind of Woman is uneven in many aspects.
2/24:
Upgrading my rating from '3' to '8', His Kind of Woman is much better now.
Robert Mitchum plays a professional gambler who's paid $50,000 to stay in Mexico for a year. That's the confusion of the
first hour. It wasn't getting anywhere, but as soon as the twist was revealed, the movie started to improve. Jane Russell
plays a big part in that, but it's Vincent Price who stole the show during the second hour although the comedy that he was
providing seemed to be a risky move for a film noir picture.
I like the editing; it's back-and-forth a lot. The best part is when Vincent Price got his men to embark for the yacht and
the boat sank by going over weight. There's a lot of talking to pass the time, but the chemistry between Robert Mitchum and
Jane Russell is extremely strong. Raymond Burr plays Nick Ferraro who may have been inspired by Lucky Luciano.
All in all, hands-on RKO owner Howard Hughes' insistence on what changes were needed for His Kind of Woman
proves to be exceedingly beneficial.
His New Job (1915)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
6/07
6/07:
I read somewhere that the quality of Charlie Chaplin pictures had been greatly improved when he bolted for Essanay Studios
in 1915 for more money and creative control.
Hence, to start off his new employment there, he appeared in His New Job. Well...where the fuck is the
improvement? It's been more infantile behavior, more sadism, and more boorishness.
All in all, baboons can make better movies than Charlie Chaplin.
History of the World: Part I (1981)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
9/13
9/13:
History of the World: Part I is a typical Mel Brooks film: dumb, boring, unfunny, and moronic.
He tries to be funny but fails in the most painful way. It's hard to sit through his films.
History of the World: Part I is uneven because of the unnecessary overlong Roman segment. Having Gregory Hines
on board doesn't help, either.
Strangely, the title suggests that I'll be exposed to every facet of world history which never happened. However, on the
positive side, Dom DeLuise's performance as Emperor Nero is great. He's a very funny guy.
All in all, the good news for History of the World: Part I is that there's no second part.
A History of Violence (2005)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
6/08
6/08:
A History of Violence isn't good as compared to Eastern Promises.
I guess the new rule of cinema is: the more recent his movie is, the less David Cronenberg it feels. For the most part,
A History of Violence is unrefined, poorly handled, and ludicrous. Although the story is reasonably good,
the performances are unconvincing.
Ed Harris steals the film, which is slow pace-wise, by jump-starting the momentum, especially in the first fifteen
minutes. Viggo Mortensen's acting appears improved, but he's not believable enough as Crazy Joey. Maria Bello thinks that
being fully naked is acting and pretending to be an anguished wife is dramatic.
Ashton Holmes, who plays the teenage son, doesn't look like he belongs in the family, and Heidi Hayes is the daughter who
turns to be the least developed character. William Hurt is overrated. Hell, how many scenes is he in anyway? And for
how long? Jeez, what a joke to give him an Oscar nomination.
The angry sex scene on the stairs is pointless, and the tension between Tom Stall and his wife is shallow. So, Tom,
who looks out of shape, runs from the town to his house which must be ten miles long. He does all of this in long
sleeves and long pants with a stabbed foot and wrong shoes. And the whole time, he isn't shown sweaty for a second?
All in all, A History of Violence is rubbish.
The Hit (1984)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
5/16
5/16:
There exists an early English picture starring Terence Stamp, John Hurt, and very young-looking Tim Roth in his debut
(at the behest of The Clash's Joe Strummer), and it's called The Hit.
Although it seems run-of-the-mill, I've enjoyed the performances. The pace is lively. Quietly, John Hurt is the true
leader of the ensemble. Parts of the movie remind me of
The Limey which starred Terence Stamp. Tim Roth is fun to
watch. Laura del Sol's beauty chews up the scenery, but there's no reason to keep her character alive that long.
All in all, The Hit should be picked up for Terence Stamp, John Hurt, and Tim Roth.
The Hitcher (1986)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
3/05, 5/25
5/25:
Following the tradition of Duel, The Hitcher has good concepts, but I
wish it was more believable.
I have no qualms with the acting. C. Thomas Howell and Jennifer Jason Leigh were young when they did the film,
being 18 and 23 years old, respectively. Rutger Hauer is typical, having done this before in
Nighthawks and Blade Runner.
By the way, what woman is called "Nash"? It's a guy name. Silly people.
As for the film per se, I was waiting until the end for confirmation that the whole thing had been a dream, but
nothing came of it. How John Ryder was able to spot Jim Halsey perfectly anywhere at anytime either way on
I-10 requires 100% suspension of disbelief. So is his ability to take out cops effortlessly well. If they were
able to arrest Halsey as a suspect of the murders, it's a wonder why they couldn't get Ryder, too, and therefore
compare their faces.
El Paso? That's funny. Nothing I saw in The Hitcher resembles it. Sure, there are prominent mountains
around the area, but they're more isolated. In contrast, El Paso is an extremely sprawling city
with tons of houses near Franklin Mountains State Park. It turns out the movie was shot on location in
California and Arizona (Tinajas Altas Mountains, Trigo Mountains, and La Posa Plain).
How about that Jennifer Jason Leigh who's tied between the moving truck and the trailer before being ripped
into half? Boy, these cops are so dumb. Obviously, Ryder wasn't paying attention while talking to Halsey. All
the cops had to do is place cider blocks by the wheels to prevent the truck from moving forward and get a
sharpshooter to put a couple of bullets through the front windshield. Even better, one can simply go to the
back and cut the rope right away.
All in all, The Hitcher is a strong remake candidate.
The Hitch-Hiker (1953)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
4/16
4/16:
The Hitch-Hiker is notable for being the first film noir that's directed by a female: Ida Lupino.
Sure, noir is evident throughout. However, I can't help but question. Why does the hitchhiker need these two men?
What good are they for him? That's too much hassle and maintenance to deal with. If he must, why not kill one of them
and take the other?
Well, it happened for real. That's what Billy Cook did during his murderous spree in the early 1950's across the country
before being stopped at Santa Rosalia in Mexico. Eventually, he was tried for his crimes, found guilty, and executed in
the gas chamber at San Quentin Prison.
All in all, The Hitch-Hiker isn't bad with an excellent performance by William Talman, but the story is
absurd if I think about it deeply.
Hitler: The Last Ten Days (1973)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
2/09
2/09:
I read The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich and other books about Nazism and WWII.
Hence, I'm familiar with the history of Adolf Hitler's downfall and how he committed suicide along with his wife.
Hitler: The Last Ten Days is an interesting picture, but it's also uneventful and anticlimactic. Hitler was
so paranoiac and heavily drugged out that he lost his mind toward the end.
Alec Guinness is solid, bearing sort of an uncanny resemblance to the man himself while going so far as to get the eye color
right. I like when stock footage is used to show what's going on outside the bunker. Yet it seems to take away the
drama from what's happening inside.
When Adolf Hitler replied in the negative to one question if there had been any hereditary defect in his family, that's not
true. Most people aren't aware of this little known fact: he had a borderline mentally retarded sister named Paula because of
the intermarriage within his family which might explain Hitler's state of mind. Then again, he was a pathological liar.
All in all, Hitler: The Last Ten Days is a job well-done although it's frankly boring at times.
Hoffa (1992)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
3/14
3/14:
Jimmy Hoffa is famous for one thing: nobody knows where his dead body is.
That being said, I'm not sure why it matters. Anyway, let's get one thing out of the way: Jack Nicholson is excellent
as Jimmy Hoffa, the corrupt Teamsters boss. He has immersed himself into the role and does everything as possible to
be him. It's true that the real Jimmy Hoffa looked closer to Harvey Keitel, but Jack Nicholson has the upper hand in the acting
department. Although Hoffa is good at times, it has big problems.
One is the constant presence of Danny DeVito. He robs too much screen time and takes away the much-needed character
development from Jack Nicholson. His sympathetic Cocker Spaniel eyes are condescending. Is Danny DeVito trying to pretend he
can bag beautiful women or has the sexual prowess? Most importantly, is Danny trying to pretend he's Hoffa? Or is he
trying to be the next Joe Pesci? Or is he trying to get a role in a future Scorsese picture?
Two is the overly simplistic key events during Hoffa's time. I can't believe, as complicated as his deals
were, the film would make them to be that simple. The riot scene is implausible to swallow as well.
Three is the movie doesn't explain Hoffa's importance very much. I don't feel I had learned much about him. Can it
be that David Mamet didn't understand Hoffa, either? That's why most of the dialogue is filled with derogatory references
to the neanderthal regions or ethnic groups. Even more so, why is there a movie about Jimmy Hoffa in the first
place? Is he really that important of a figure to merit a biographical film? I just don't think so.
All in all, if you need a reason to watch Hoffa, it's for Jack Nicholson's performance.
Hokus Pokus (1949)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
12/07
12/07:
I wish I can say Hokus Pokus was funny.
But sadly, it's not. Nothing works for me.
All in all, the Three Stooges are going to have to come up with something original.
Hollywood Confidential (1997)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
1/24
1/24:
Just what I thought: a failed television pilot.
The founder of Miami Vice, Anthony Yerkovich, thought he had the Midas touch when he set to work
on Hollywood Confidential, but it didn't come through. The strongest of the cast is Edward James Olmos, and
it's easy to follow his character. After him, everything falls apart.
Another big mistake is throwing many cases at me from the get-go. Just calm down, and stick with one at a time. Then,
the series can be built up with a couple more. Ditto for the characters. Unfortunately, they aren't worth caring.
All in all, watching Miami Vice reruns is preferable over Hollywood Confidential.
Hollywood Shuffle (1987)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
5/25
5/25:
Good gracious, Hollywood Shuffle has aged so badly with bland writing and is never funny for a second.
There are some truths in the film, but for the most part, the whole thing against blacks in Hollywood comes down
to one undeniable fact: net profit. Black movies don't generally make money; there were several white
films with just one black star making into the top 50 box-office-wise annually during the 80's and the 90's.
In the 70's, Blaxploitation blew up only because there hadn't been any black films hitherto, and it was a
welcome change. Before then, almost everybody was cast in a stereotypical role whether it be a slave, a mammy or
butler, a cook, a servant, a porter, a drug dealer, a gangbanger, or a plain criminal. There was just one actor
who broke through, and his name was Sidney Poitier. His universal appeal enabled him to do important films.
When the genre ran out of steam by the end of the decade, no famous black star (think of Richard Roundtree,
Pam Grier, Jim Brown, Ron O'Neal, and so on) was able to have a second life. That meant serious acting ability
was more of an important factor, hence the rise of Louis Gossett, Jr., Morgan Freeman, Forest Whitaker, and Laurence
Fishburne. Only three became megastars: Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, and Whoopi Goldberg. It's because they were
genuinely funny but had to have an all-white cast to reach for the broad audience. By the end of the 80's, Denzel
Washington made his mark for being the total package in the mold of Sidney Poitier, and the rest was history.
In other words, it's not about discriminating against the blacks that's the problem. They don't bring in
the money, period. That's why in Hollywood Shuffle the white casting director said, "What we're looking
for is an Eddie Murphy type. We want somebody who can act like Eddie Murphy from head to toe. That's what we
want. Someone who can dress like Eddie Murphy to look like Eddie Murphy, to be Eddie Murphy, to give him the
actor himself, a Murphy-ectomy, to have a Murphy-like quality, Murphy-esque, to be Murphonic."
Robert Townsend could keep fighting, but he was proved to be an underwhelming actor, having flamed out in the
early 90's. See The Mighty Quinn for comparison, especially when he went
against the powerfully charismatic Denzel Washington. Keenen Ivory Wayans and Damon Wayans were able to last
longer in the business because they were funny and had strong screen presence, seeing enormous success
in In Living Color.
All in all, Hollywood Shuffle doesn't give the correct reason why black thespians failed to make through in
Hollywood.
Home Alone (1990)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
2/18
2/18:
The box-office champ in 1990, Home Alone has lost a great deal of luster over the years.
In fact, I had forgotten the movie existed and didn't see it again until now. But my memory of the first sight at
the grown-up Macaulay Culkin as a heroin addict will live on forever which effectively contributed to the decline of the
film's popularity.
Anyway, if there's anything I don't like, it's the obscene level of sadism in terms of how the bad guys
are physically punished. Most of what happened to them should've resulted in death or at least permanent brain damage.
The hits never stop as they keep coming relentlessly. The booby traps are unbelievable and intricate for an
8-year-old kid to come up with. Either way, the movie has stopped being funny or fun for children.
As for the story, it's okay, but I'm more annoyed by the family. I don't care about any of them or whether or
not Kevin is left home alone. It happens to many kids which is no big deal. And don't get me started on the
hands-to-the-face-scream craze. For a long time, since I saw Home Alone in 1990, I thought
Angels with Filthy Souls was a real film, but it turned out to be a parody of
Angels with Dirty Faces. That
scene is probably the best and most memorable part of the entire franchise.
All in all, it's hard to enjoy a film like Home Alone that features a spoiled brat.
Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
2/18
2/18:
Not going to let a massive moneymaking opportunity to slip by, the producers had decided to make a sequel for
Home Alone, and the result is another ka-ching!
Home Alone 2: Lost in New York is a fairly decent sequel with many instances of implausibilities such as the two
familiar burglars showing up in New York City to meet their child nemesis. Of course, the title is misleading because Kevin
isn't exactly home alone but lost in the biggest city of the United States of America in terms of population.
Although there are many sadistic moments, it's a bit better than the original for being consistently funny and kidlike.
In the first one, the film within it was called Angels with Filthy Souls, and now, it's titled *drum roll*
Angels with Even Filthier Souls.
Macaulay Culkin is okay; he's workmanlike this time around. Donald Trump makes a cameo appearance at the Plaza Hotel because,
in order to allow his formerly owned hotel to be used for the movie, the filmmakers were forced to let him have some screen
time. The first moment I saw Trump, I said to myself, "Who knew he would be U.S. President someday?"
All in all, Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, if formulaic, works slightly better than the original.
Homeboy (1988)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
7/16
7/16:
The precursor to The Wrestler?
This seems like it. Homeboy is a character study of losers. It does remind me of
Midnight Cowboy. The
screenplay was actually written by Mickey Rourke under the name of Eddie Cook.
He and Christopher Walken reteam after appearing in Heaven's Gate. They're both great
with each of their characters going in a different direction. The dinosaurs story...that's good one.
Debra Feuer was once married to Mickey Rourke, and she's okay here. I've watched a lot of boxing films, but I've never
seen one that takes place in the middle of rain. So, it's a first for me.
All in all, it won't be a bad idea to go from Homeboy to
The Wrestler because there are a lot of parallels
between Johnny Walker and Randy "The Ram" Robinson.
Homicide (1991)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
11/12
11/12:
After being impressed with House of Games and
The Spanish Prisoner, I wasn't getting enough of David Mamet,
so I headed straight for Homicide.
It turns out to be a disappointing picture. Any time William H. Macy is cast, he always stinks it up with his phony acting.
It's literally the same thing every time.
The dialogue is terrible, artificial, and not up to Mamet's standard. Then, there's the horribly outdated, contrived
plot with the stupidest twist imaginable. Honestly, I thought for a minute it was going to be a confidence game
all over again, but it never materialized. Of course, the ending is a "yeah, right."
All in all, Homicide has let me down big time.
Honeymoon in Vegas (1992)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
10/11
10/11:
Before there was Indecent Proposal, there was Honeymoon in Vegas.
It's a great romantic comedy that's buoyed by strong performances from Nicolas Cage and James Caan. The story is funny and
ingenuous, and it's all in ridiculous fun. Nicolas Cage is hilariously funny due to his constant yells out of frustration
which makes the comedy work
Of all scenes, the best is the flying Elvis impersonators jumping off the plane. Another funny part is when the guy described
how Mike Tyson was mythically doing his wife, getting Jack Singer all insane.
All in all, Honeymoon in Vegas is a great comedy movie.
The Honeymoon Killers (1970)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
3/17, 7/20
3/17:
Do you want to see one of the most unusual pictures about a serial killer couple?
Then, check out The Honeymoon Killers whose tagline reads, "Ray and Martha are in love. They're on a honeymoon.
(The bride is in the trunk.)" Tony Lo Bianco and Shirley Stoler will forever be remembered for their portrayals of Raymond
Fernandez and Martha Beck, aka "The Lonely Hearts Killers," who may have murdered at most twenty women during the late 40's
before they were executed in their 30's.
Almost never violent, The Honeymoon Killers, which is mostly shot on locations, is a stark black-and-white unHollywood
picture that's chilling to watch. It's as real as it gets, being in the same vein as
Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer.
One aspect I like the most is the cast of ordinary-looking people. They story is accurate with several small changes.
All in all, Leonard Kastle, a Juilliard-trained opera composer who directed The Honeymoon Killers, stated, "I was
revolted by that movie [Bonnie and Clyde]. I didn't want to show beautiful shots of
beautiful people."
7/20:
The Honeymoon Killers is hands down the best film of the Lonely Hearts genre.
Shirley Stoler and Tony Lo Bianco turn in career-defining performances as Martha Beck and Raymond Fernandez, respectively.
Hence, they were sadly robbed of Oscar nominations. Their plain-looking characters occurred in real life, and
they're shockingly evil during the final half hour.
All in all, brilliantly shot in black and white, The Honeymoon Killers is a true crime masterpiece.
Honeysuckle Rose (1980)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
2/17
2/17:
Honeysuckle Rose is a near music biopic about Willie Nelson.
Willie Nelson stars and makes his motion picture debut in a leading role. He's a natural performer. Complementing him is
Dyan Cannon who may have given the best performance of her career. On the other side is Amy Irving who's actually not good
but is pretty, regardless.
The big treat is Willie Nelson's music. One song was Oscar-nominated, and it's "On the Road Again." The story somewhat serves
as a backdrop because the music is really the central point of the film which was shot on location in Austin and South Padre
Island, Texas.
As real life would simultaneously mirror what's happening in the film, Willie Nelson and Amy Irving fell in
love, and he was already married. Having dated Steven Spielberg from 1976 to 1980 before they were married from 1985 to 1989,
Amy was cheating on him with Willie Nelson. This move cost her the role for
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
which went to Kate Capshaw. No matter what, their divorce netted Amy Irving a cool $100 million payday.
All in all, Honeysuckle Rose is strictly for Willie Nelson fans.
Honkytonk Man (1982)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
7/09
7/09:
Honkytonk Man has many low points.
Some scenes are corny while others are plain embarrassing. Clint Eastwood, who tries his best, can't make up
his mind in terms of which direction Honkytonk Man should take. It turns out to be a film with no story.
Throughout are editing and continuity problems. Characters appear and disappear with no resolution. Lyrics of
the song "No Sweeter Cheater than You" don't make any sense. If it wasn't for Marlene Moonglow's audition at the top of a
log, Honkytonk Man would've gotten a rating of '1' from me.
Oddly, Clint Eastwood casts his own kid who appears to be starstruck and confused by being next to him. The truth is that
he wasn't interested in his children. Honkytonk Man is one of the two films that Clint Eastwood's character dies with the
other being The Beguiled.
All in all, Honkytonk Man is a poor showing from Clint Eastwood.
Hoodlum (1997)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
12/20
12/20:
I had apprehensions prior to Hoodlum because of the astounding running length of 130 minutes but went ahead anyway
solely for Laurence Fishburne and Tim Roth.
Well, the movie turns out to be overlong with sometimes terrible editing. The cast is disappointing,
but at least, Andy Garcia gets the eye thing right for Lucky Luciano (a big whoo...I guess). Despite the excellent dialogue
early on which will be gradually worse, the screenwriter does no favors for Tim Roth who's supplied with junk lines,
forcing him to look stupid. He's a better actor than that.
There's no drama involved: just an endless series of back-and-forth between Bumpy Johnson and Dutch Schultz against the heavily
focused 30's in/exterior sets, cars, and costumes which look too damn clean. One of the biggest mistakes is
the inclusion of Richard Bradford as the corrupt cop because he played the exact same character in
The Untouchables!
The whole storyline is phony as a three-dollar bill. I must object the film's portrayal of Thomas E. Dewey. The
guy was honest, having been impervious to the influence of the Mafia. He was successful in prosecuting Lucky Luciano, despite
the fact that there were many corrupt officials, and taking down Dutch Schultz for good who was ultimately killed by the order
of the Mafia Commission. Dewey almost became U.S. President in 1948, hence the famous photo of the headline that was held
up by Harry S. Truman: DEWEY DEFEATS TRUMAN.
Having done better in Deep Cover, Bill Duke never directed a full-feature Hollywood picture again for twelve years.
He should've learned from the greats during the 90's in terms of what makes a movie good. Compared to
Deep Cover, Laurence Fishburne is disappointingly flat here.
All in all, if the movie is going to suck, there's no reason to make it longer or fake history.
Hook (1991)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
8/14
8/14:
Hook is a rare misfire in Steven Spielberg's oeuvre.
But luckily for us all, he'll go on to make Schindler's List in two years. So, I forgive him for it.
For a kid's film, Hook is too long to sit through, clocking at a whopping 142 minutes when it should've been
52 minutes shorter.
The main fault, despite the lavish production values and several big-name stars, is that it never gels together. Robin
Williams is on one page, Dustin Hoffman is on the next, Julia Roberts on third, and Bob Hoskins who's somewhere in
many pages later. The special effects are never in sync with them.
Add the annoying child stars into the mix and also the earnestness to make every moment to be constantly
Mary Poppins special. Hence, what we have here is a craptacular fantasy picture that's in the same vein of the awful
The NeverEnding Story franchise. Who the hell thinks Julia Roberts is all fucking that? What a
crock shitful of saccharine crap I've been spoon-fed by the sight of her.
However, there are several positives. Dustin Hoffman is good as the eponymous villain, easily
the best thing going. The last hour comes too late but does save the film from being a complete turkey while
the exterior sets are nicely done.
All in all, I fail to see how Hook is a children's film.
Hooper (1978)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
5/05, 5/25
5/05:
Hooper offers an insight into the world of stuntmen.
It's all in good fun. The acting is average, but the story isn't bad. Of course, the best part is the stunts.
All in all, Hooper is a great Burt Reynolds picture.
5/25:
It's eerie to watch Hooper because it foretold what Burt Reynolds, a longtime stuntman, went through in
the final decades of his life.
Accused of having AIDS, Burt Reynolds got hit in the jaw by a chair during the making of
City Heat and subsequently lost over thrity pounds. As a result, he became
addicted to painkillers and was forced to enter drug rehab years later. Along the way, Sally Field rejected him,
and his marriage to Loni Anderson and poor investments in restaurants led to massive bankrupcty. Even
Jan-Michael Vincent passed away within six months of Burt Reynolds' death in 2018.
As for the film, it's fun whenever stunts are performed. Otherwise, Burt Reynolds is being charismatic to
fill in the time. The story is mostly lightweight although it highlights what stuntmen have to go
through and still get no respect while being paid little given the risk involved that can potentially kill them.
Oddly, Burt Reynolds plays a stuntman in a film about stuntmen yet is played by a different guy when there's action.
The director of the film within the film sure looks like Oliver Stone, eh? It turns out to be Peter Bogdanovich.
That, I can believe. To show how Burt Reynolds felt about him, he punched his pseudo-director in the face. On the
other hand, it would've been cool if the action shown in Hooper became part of
Smokey and the Bandit II from a movie perspective, so the viewers
could compare both sides and see how well they blend.
All in all, Hooper is worth watching for several reasons: Burt Reynolds, the stunts, and how Hollywood
works behind the scenes.
Hoosiers (1986)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
8/04, 2/25
2/25:
After watching Hoosiers, somebody asked me what the word meant, and I admitted not knowing the
precise answer despite the fact that Indiana had always been called the Hoosier State.
After some research, it turns out that nobody else knew for sure, either. They came up with three possible
theories: 1) In the 1820's, a guy named Samuel Hoosier wanted to hire men from Indiana, not Kentucky, for work,
so they came to be known as Hoosier's men; 2) Surveyors were assigned the task of looking at public land which
was filled with squatters, so they felt obliged to call out, "Who's here?" that got morphed over time into
"Hoosier?"; and 3) Immigrants settling in the mountains of South Indiana were nicknamed "hoozers" because "hoo"
meant "hill" in Old English.
There's truth to one of the characters saying: "This town doesn't like change much, so we thought we'd get
together here tonight and show you how we do things here. We trust that you're a fine, upstanding, God-fearing
man with Christian morals and principles who'll set an example and a standard of leadership for our boys."
What he meant is that Hickory hates black people.
In fact, Indiana is a former Klan state that once boasted the highest membership in the United States by the
early 1920's, having elected more than half of them in local and state governments including a Grand Dragon for
the gubernatorial position. This knowledge makes it extremely hard for black people to get into Hoosiers, a
film about white high school basketball players in a white town against white opponents until the state
championship game when they improbably beat a team with some black players.
However, the serious issue lies within the construction of the story. It's so basketball-focused all the time. All
I see is basketball, basketball, basketball. What about the characters? Who are most of the eight guys
on the team? Even the town drunk is barely developed. Gene Hackman is just there for the rah-rah part, and
Barbara Hershey's character suddenly has a problem with her beloved Jimmy Chitwood being ensnared into the
middle of it. By the way, it's a serious mistake to have the coach kiss her; he's way too old,
and the scene adds nothing to the grand scheme of things.
Now, did everything in Hoosiers happen for real? Milan Indians won it all, but that was in 1954, not 1951,
and there was no Norman Dale. It enrolled 161 (64 in the film) students and, as heavy favorites, beat a bigger
school (Muncie Central) in the state final by a last-second winning shot. That kind of success wasn't a one-time
thing as it had done well the year before, falling short in the state semifinals, and expected a return of four
lettermen. It would mark the last time ever a school this small won Indiana high school basketball state
championship. Small schools usually could advance through several rounds of tournament play but always lost when
they were finally paired up with a team from big cities. Here's a fun fact: sophomore Oscar Robertson's Crispus
Attucks of Indianapolis lost to Milan by 13 points in the quarterfinals, but his team won the next two state
tournaments, being the first all-black high school ever in the nation to do so.
As for the performances, they're terrific. Gene Hackman thought the movie would fail, ending
his career permanently. Strangely, Dennis Hopper was Oscar-nominated when he should've gotten it for
Blue Velvet, both released during the same year. Ditto for Maris Valainis,
who plays Jimmy Chitwood, getting so much attention and then almost nothing after finally joining the team.
All in all, Hoosiers is a nice feel-good picture set in the 50's with strong cinematography.
Hopscotch (1980)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
11/23
11/23:
Napscotch is a dated, unchallenging espionage movie that'll appreciated by old people.
It's hard to believe that they thought up of this crap back then because the plot isn't interesting by any means. Okay, a CIA man
is fired for not doing his job as exactly how the boss envisioned, so he decides to take revenge on him by publishing the
agency's dirty secrets while traveling all over international countries and wasting money. Obviously, this will be called
"treason."
Now, to come to think of it: if the boss told Miles Kendig good work and carry on, would Miles still be a likeable character
despite the fact that he was a dirty operator who did illegal things for the CIA? This is what confused me: why am I
supposed to root for Miles either way?
Walter Matthau is okay. Glenda Jackson is full of herself. I still can't believe she won two Oscars in her lifetime.
They're gross as a couple, especially during their kissing scenes. Ned Beatty plays an unlikeable character. Sam
Waterston is Sam Waterston. The film is more about the plot than acting, and I'm supposed to be bowled over by the genius
of it. Uh, wrong. They also say it's a comedy. Right...not.
All in all, Napscotch is dull as hell.
Horror of Dracula (1958)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
3/09
3/09:
Compared to The Curse of Frankenstein which started it all for
England's legendary Hammer Horror film studio, Horror of Dracula is a flop.
Nothing works. It's a victim of redundancy in the neverending cycle of Dracula flicks with the same story
repeated ad nauseam. The pace is dreadfully slow although Peter Cushing does a nice job of generating energy at opportune
times. His co-star Christopher Lee doesn't look right for the role of Dracula.
My pet peeve is that Dracula rules are constantly broken. Take one instance, Dracula has no problem with sunlight,
yet he's burned easily at the end when bathed in artificial light. Lucy is bitten on the neck before she's forever transformed
into the undead but isn't fazed by the crucifix she has on her necklace. Dracula looks human, lacking the inhuman strength
of twenty men. Meanwhile, the cinematography looks off by Hammer Horror standards which are usually colorful, but in
this one, it's drab.
All in all, Horror of Dracula is an awful Hammer Horror picture.
The Horse Whisperer (1998)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
9/02, 9/23
9/23:
The Horse Whisperer is a terrific motion picture.
Tom Booker may be the deepest character of Robert Redford's career. He can do no wrong, appearing mystical
with the right lines. Kristin Scott Thomas does well and can be respectful when called for. Playing the spoiled
rich girl, Scarlett Johansson is impossible to like but is thankfully put out of the way for the most part after
she and her mother reach Montana.
Of course, Pilgrim is the show. Every time the attention is on him, the power of editing comes alive. The most
dramatic moment is when Scarlett Johansson was atop him before they rose up. Thinking back to the major accident,
it's hard to believe that Pilgrim was able to withstand the hit by a Mack truck and survive afterwards.
I was willing to give the movie a '10' because everything had been extremely good, especially the cinematography.
The running length of 170 minutes doesn't bother me which is the point: it takes time for change to happen.
But this is what disappoints me the most: the romance subplot between Tom Booker and Annie MacLean.
Um, why? I thought the whole thing was about the girl. What if she found out about them? It would undo everything
that the mother came to Montana for. Her husband didn't deserve it, either. If there were marital problems, I
should've been informed of them beforehand, but the horse/girl conflict was already enough to make the film.
All in all, I'm surprised The Horse Whisperer received only one Oscar nomination when it should've gotten
more.
The Hospital (1971)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
11/15
11/15:
Paddy Chafesky won three Best Screenplay Oscars for the following films:
Marty, The Hospital, and Network.
Thanks to George C. Scott who delivers some of the best stuff of his career, The Hospital is a first-rate intelligent
picture with important social commentary about work, life, and responsibility. George C. Scott was a very talented actor.
It's the way he carried himself and how he delivered his lines with ease and authority. At the same time, he's every bit as
authentic as his character.
It's rare for a film to have a scene with the best dialogue exchange in the annals of cinema between
opposite sex. Some examples are: Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman in
Casablanca, Bogart again and
Lauren Bacall in To Have and To Have Not, Fred MacMurray and Barbara Stanwyck in
Double Indemnity,
Marlon Brando and Vivien Leigh in A Streetcar Named Desire,
James Caan and Tuesday Weld in Thief,
Daniel Day-Lewis and Madeleine Stowe in The Last of the Mohicans, and
John Travolta and Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction.
Now, one more is added to this list: The Hospital with George C. Scott and Diana Rigg in the doctor's office for
a ten-minute-long scene. Hence, I'm surprised that she wasn't nominated for Best Supporting Actress Oscar by holding
her own against the formidable co-star extremely well.
Another nice part is the serial murders taking a backseat to the film's satire. It's funny that every time a murder
occurs, the medical mismanagement and bureaucracy are at blame. Interestingly, Barnard Hughes' Drummond plants the
first seed of the famous line that'll be uttered by Howard Beadle in
Network: "I'm as mad as hell, and
I'm not going to take this anymore!"
All in all, all fans of George C. Scott and Paddy Chafesky should find The Hospital an immense treat.
Hostage (2005)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
8/21
8/21:
Hostage works well on the entertainment level but completely falls apart when I think about it a little bit.
The deeper Chief Talley is into the hostage situation, the more he works in a vacuum. Thus, where's everybody else? How can
he be doing it all alone and not be held accountable? It's impossible. After killing everybody, why is
Talley so sure that the problem will finally cease?
I don't know if anyone noticed, but racism is subtle throughout the film. At first, a black female cop is shot dead. Later,
Talley orders his black deputy to do a few simple things including going to the hospital to answer a routine phone call, and
he's never seen again who was also ordered earlier to do something about his inappropriate shoes. Dealing with Walter
Smith, Talley forces the black EMT to perform a dangerous medical procedure that can potentially cost the patient's life and
his job. In the middle of the second hostage situation, he tries to go for the black female's throat after she's upset about
how he was mishandling it and then relieved him of his command. Yet no white person is shown to have done anything similar
that pissed off Talley.
At first, I thought Hostage was going to suck because of the pretentious introduction that's overladen with CGI.
Then, my suspicion had been confirmed when Talley was being insulting by calmly laying down on the ground while dealing with
the volatile hostage situation that eventually cost the lives of a man, his wife, and their child.
However, the movie steadily improves when the next hostage situation is underway. Despite his constant crocodile tears, Bruce
Willis is the star; he's the singular reason why the movie works. Yet the acting by the youngsters is terrible. They happen to be
either world-class sharpshooters or amazing Molotov cocktail throwers, and one of them thinks he's the Crow. Nonetheless,
the action is gripping, and the little boy gets to be John McClane, Jr., crawling through the air ducts or whatever the fuck
they are.
I was curious if the sought-after DVD contained child pornography. But it turns out to be accounting junk. Uh,
okay...nobody desperately needs the information by going this way! What a waste of time. I find it hard to believe
that the girl wasn't raped. Of course, it's nice to spend so much time with the bad guys that none of their faces is ever
revealed.
All in all, trying to be the next success after The Negotiator was made,
Hostage is ultimately ruined by the unintelligent fanboy filmmaking.
Hostel (2005)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
3/07
3/07:
The first forty minutes of Hostel is lively, vivacious, and fresh with plenty of nudity and sex.
At the same time, the energy created by the three male protagonists makes it fun. Then, when the main show comes, Hostel
suddenly loses me as it tries too hard to be a torture-porn horror film. I mean, that's all it has to offer?
However, it isn't until later there's a revelation of what the whole thing is all about. Not only I'm
slightly impressed, but I also feel it should have been signaled earlier.
All in all, Hostel starts off well but eventually loses its way.
Hostel: Part II (2007)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
9/08
9/08:
I wasn't motivated to write this review after seeing Hostel: Part II.
It's that I don't want the filmmakers to take the John Waters route of "If a person pukes after seeing
Pink Flamingos, it's like a standing ovation."
The fact is: films like Hostel: Part II should be removed from existence permanently. It's strictly made for sadists.
In fact, if you rated the film any higher than '3', that's when you know you belong in this group.
Looking at the trivia section in IMDb, I'm surprised to see the movie was nominated for best horror film by the Teen
Choice Award committee. Is there something I'm missing here?
All in all, skip Hostel: Part II by watching something happy.
Hot Parts (2003)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
7/21
7/21:
Hot Parts or...Hot Bullshit?
It's easy to tell from a mile away that the film was shot on a shoestring budget, so I kept my expectations to a minimum.
One thing I'll say for it is I wasn't bored. The acting isn't the greatest, but the script is decent enough.
Hot Parts wastes a lot of time with two black guys at the beginning. Once they're shot to death
(who cares about them?),
things start to be interesting in a black Charlie's Angels way. Then, I begin to notice logic problems.
Take Passion who pretends to be a career car thief under an assumed name. She drives her own car to the criminals' hangout.
Don't you think it'll be the point when they find out her real name by looking at the license plate? Who honestly
creates videotapes from security cameras? And why does somebody leave one of them, which shows the murder, in an unlocked
drawer? When Castaldo noticed the incriminating tape was missing, why didn't he notify his boss? Anyway, it's incredible
to notice that the fat Italians are capable of sitting at the warehouse all day and night.
At the end, Passion, along with her two girlfriends, take revenge on the bad guys by killing them. The most logical outcome is
they'll be in jail afterwards awaiting trial for murder. Plus, stealing cars isn't a victimless crime. I find it stupid
that the police officer took interest in Passion afterwards. Of course, he and others will know if these women
are either dead or alive immediately after the shootout. Also, who turned off the lights during that time? By the way,
who patronizes a strip club featuring women who don't take off their clothes or give lap dances? The actresses must have
had a no-nudity clause in their contract.
All in all, Hot Parts feels like an audition movie for everybody involved so they can go on to do better things.
The Hot Rock (1972)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
1/24
1/24:
Well, why am I supposed to root for the criminals in The Hot Rock?
It's because one of them is Robert Redford and his hair looks great, dammit. The movie isn't bad. Although
it's a comic caper that's created by Donald E. Westlake, the key here is tension. There are plenty of it at the right moment.
The cast is fair except for George Segal who's annoying. Moses Gunn, Zero Mostel, and Paul Sand are fine. Ron Leibman is
still the master of overacting, and I don't mean that in a bad way. Obviously, Robert Redford is too big for such a picture
like this, but he does have a classic moment at the end. How his character thought of the scheme with the safe deposit
boxes is clever despite the hypnotism angle which is a huge stretch.
As for the main show, bringing along a couple of strong boxes to hold the bottom of the glass booth will be a good idea.
Now, who does John Dortmunder trust the most? The answer is himself which means he should've kept the Sahara Stone,
no matter what. Meanwhile, it's interesting to see the World Trade Center in construction during the helicopter ride.
All in all, The Hot Rock is a decent addition to the heist genre.
Hot Shots! (1991)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
4/04, 7/18
7/18:
I suppose it's safe to say if Airplane! is the spoof film of the 80's, then Hot Shots! is for the 90's.
To be honest with you, I never liked Airplane! or the sequel. By comparison, Hot Shots! isn't bad and has
better jokes. They aren't obvious as in "I can see them from a mile away!"
Centering around Top Gun,
Hot Shots! borrows moments from different films and sporting events
such as Dances With Wolves, 9½ Weeks,
Superman, The Fabulous Baker Boys,
Marathon Man,
Gone with the Wind,
Rocky, and the fight between Charles Barkley and Bill Laimbeer while making references to
The Godfather, The Jackson 5, and "The Song of Hiawatha." Even Saddam Hussein is thrown in for good measure.
The acting is uniformly well-done, and everybody is natural when it comes to pulling off humorous lines and gags. Lloyd
Bridges, just like how he did to save Airplane! from being a total turkey, is
a true comedian; he's an absolutely funny guy. Dead Meat has a memorable send-off after claiming to know all of the answers to the biggest mysteries in life.
Well, he should've revealed the location of Jimmy Hoffa's body to save everybody the suspense.
All in all, Hot Shots! will never beat Top Gun.
Hot Shots! Part Deux (1993)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
7/18
7/18:
Given the success of Hot Shots!, the sequel had to be made.
This time, the spoof is centered around Rambo: First Blood Part II and
Rambo III with a borrowed plot from
Casablanca. Even Richard Crenna had to ask Sylvester Stallone for permission which was granted.
It spoofs moments from various films such as
Apocalypse Now, Lady and the Tramp,
The Godfather,
No Way Out, Basic Instinct,
The Guns of Navarone,
Star Wars,
Terminator 2: Judgment Day,
Scarface,
and The Wizard of Oz.
Better than the original by a slight margin, Hot Shots! Part Deux has a good first half but loses its way during the
second half. The jokes are consistent and come off naturally. Because of the redundancy, the comedy turns stale. The
acting is fine. Charlie Sheen's physique was for real as he worked out eight hours a day while probably taking
massive doses of steroids. Sadly, Lloyd Bridges is less than effective this time around.
All in all, if I'm forced to choose either franchise, I go with Hot Shots! over
Airplane!
The Hot Spot (1990)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
10/15
10/15:
Directed by Dennis Hopper, The Hot Spot is a rare gem in the neo-noir category.
It reminds me of Oliver Stone's U Turn but better. There are a lot of elements that make it a throwback to the
film noir era. Don Johnson's character is the perfect Philip Marlowe type only that he isn't a private dick.
It's Virginia Madsen who single-handedly steals the show by playing the manipulative femme fatale through Dolly
Harshaw. She bares it all and is quite natural for her character. On the other hand, Jennifer Connelly's Gloria Harper
is the perfect antithesis of her.
Both of the female characters are what makes the film a compelling watch because Harry Madox is stuck in the middle between
good and evil. He wants to make a change for good but is prevented by the allure of Dolly Harshaw. In fact, Harry and Dolly
seem to be a match made in heaven, so I was rooting for them to be together in spite of her badness. By the way, the film was
mostly shot on location in Texas, and the beautiful swimming pool scenes were at Hamilton Pool Preserve which is located west of Austin.
All in all, The Hot Spot, although it can be a bit shorter, is a terrific, stylish neo-noir with possibly the
best performance of Virginia Madsen's career.
Hotel (2001)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
6/20
6/20:
It appears Mike Figgis made an announcement one day that he had a shitwad of money to blow, was going to make a fucking
stupid movie minus a script, and could get big-name actors to star in it.
Hence, the result is Hotel, an ungodly bad plotless soft porno that's sure to test anyone's patience to sit through it
from start to finish without a mental break. When I saw the abysmal video quality, I said to myself, "Oh, no...not another
Full Frontal." Indeed, it turns out to be exactly that, replete with close-ups of a flamenco dancer's feet, 4-in-1
split screen, and night vision (who the hell uses it except in action-adventure pictures?).
Yes, the movie is funny at first, thanks to Rhys Ifans and Julian Sands. John Malkovich has a couple of interesting scenes
right off the bat but abruptly disappears afterwards. Then, thirty minutes later, Rhys' character, Trent, is suddenly placed
out of commission. So, what gives, Mike? You just killed the goose that laid the golden egg.
Had Trent lived to the end, it would've been a laugh-a-thon; instead, I'm given the worst hour treatment
of pure mindless mumbo jumbo, save for Salma Hayek going crazy on the Asian female. Burt Reynolds (What the heck is he doing
in this artsy-fartsy flick? It's not his style. He must have been that broke!) appears for a minute or two, says one line,
and never comes back again.
Everybody will have exited the show with his or her reputation completely intact, but there's one actor who looks very bad:
David Schwimmer. I'll never forget the airhead moment that he had when he wore the stupid-looking yellow-tinted
glasses while performing a rubbish medical procedure for the funeral-like scene.
All in all, I've read plenty about Dogme 95 in film books, and Hotel is the number one reason why the movement should
be broken by the wheel, hanged, drawn, and quartered and burned at the stake.
Hotel Rwanda (2004)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
7/05
7/05:
Hotel Rwanda isn't as powerful as Schindler's List.
The direction is poor and amateurish. Things would have turned out differently if somebody else more experienced
like Steve Spielberg took over the helm. On the other hand, Don Cheadle can't act. Everybody else is also poor.
Although it's based on a true story, I felt nothing about what's happening. In fact, nobody cares about Rwanda or Africa for
that matter. If they did, many countries would've done something about it. Acts of genocide as shown in the film seem
limited when it's actually much worse.
All in all, Hotel Rwanda is below average, and Don Cheadle is no actor.
The Hound of the Baskervilles (1959)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
3/10
3/10:
Can there be a more boring Sherlock Holmes film than the 1959 production of The Hound of the Baskervilles?
I read every story that was penned by Arthur Conan Doyle about the famed detective, and they were always thrilling. But the
film never lives up to the promise. Although Peter Cushing bears an uncanny resemblance to what Sherlock
Holmes might have looked like, his characterization isn't good enough.
The phrase "Elementary, my dear Watson" as heard in the movie was never uttered in any of the stories, and the plot is
flat. In fact, Sherlock Holmes wasn't in the written story that much.
All in all, The Hound of the Baskervilles is boring although I prefer it over the tasteless Peter Cook-Dudley
Moore version.
The Hound of the Baskervilles (1978)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
2/09
2/09:
I hate Dudley Moore, I hate Peter Cook, and they're not funny.
Having read all of Arthur Coyle Donan's Sherlock Holmes stories, I had never seen a movie about the famed detective until
I picked up the 1978 version of The Hound of the Baskervilles. One thing I could guarantee you, the author
would've hated the movie with passion. Somehow, it reminded me of many bad "comedies" at the time such as
Clue, Sunset, and City Heat.
My displeasure was further worsened when endless strings of loquaciousness and disgusting water "jokes" were thrown in. By
the time Sherlock Holmes met his mother, the momentum, however little there was, had been killed. From start to finish,
not a single joke worked while I yawned ceaselessly. It's one of the most boring, painful viewing experiences I could recall.
All in all, the 1978 version of The Hound of the Baskervilles fails to deliver a "comedy with bite" and perfectly
defines the word "crapola" with a rich, sweet taste of crap.
House (1985)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
12/10
12/10:
House was among my fondest memories when I had HBO back then.
Yet I couldn't remember for a long time what the movie was about until I saw it now. Probably, the sequel is better
and funnier because the original is boring to sit through. What I remember the most is the Vietnam
soldier who came back from the dead.
The acting is fair, but intelligence is abysmally low. Then again, what do I expect from Steve Miner and Sean Cunningham,
the creators of Friday the 13th?
All in all, I can't believe that House was green-lit in the first place; what were they thinking these days?
House II: The Second Story (1987)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
12/10
12/10:
Better than the original while posesssing a lot of cult feel, House II: The Second Story is a somewhat funny movie that
doesn't turn out well in the long run.
The cast is decent for what it's worth. For some weird reason, as I saw the movie in the 80's, I thought the lead character
was Mark Linn-Baker, who played Larry Appleton in Perfect Strangers, but it's not him. The correct actor is Arye Gross.
The ending is odd. It goes like this: Jesse sees the ethnic woman of his dreams on the top with Charlie in the back
of the wagon along with a mutant caterpillar dog, and Charlie gives a weird, moronic smile. And Jesse thinks to
himself that he has found his family as they settle in the West happily after all in the middle of the 19th century.
Anyway, I like the sinister look of one particular villain who's the most memorable character of the film. But it's
dumb to see Jesse having the skills to last that long in a duel with him. Meanwhile, I've never understood why it's
important to keep Gramps alive because he is like 175 years old.
All in all, House II: The Second Story is a below average sequel.
House of 1000 Corpses (2003)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
10/07
10/07:
After going through House of 1000 Corpses, it's safe to presume Rob Zombie had seen
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre one too many times.
Also, it's a direct evidence why he should be locked up in an insane asylum with the key thrown away. Now, what the hell is
Michael J. Pollard doing in this picture? He went from being Oscar-nominated for
Bonnie and Clyde to this unfathomable
piece of crap.
House of 1000 Corpses is off to an atrocious start, thanks to the erratic camera work and continuous string of
profane words. Then, it becomes better which sadly won't last long enough. At that point, I thought Rob Zombie was aiming
for an old-fashioned horror movie until the wheels finally came off, going straight for the downhill.
When I saw the guy with blond hair, he looked familiar to me until I realized it's the same person from
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2. Now, anybody bright enough should know one cardinal rule of Hollywood: never borrow a
character from one of the worst films of all time. Hence, Rob Zombie has no clear understanding of what constitutes a
"horror picture." He thinks torture and sadism will be good enough. At the same time, he manages to turn
House of 1000 Corpses into a heavy metal rock 'n' roll music video.
All in all, Rob Zombie is an idiot.
House of Games (1987)
Rate:
10
Viewed:
7/12, 8/15
7/12:
I had seen Joe Mantegna in some films and found him a bland, serviceable actor who's incapable of giving a believable
performance.
But he changed my opinion in House of Games. Joe Mantegna is hands down brilliant. A delicious neo-noir
about confidence games and the world of con men, the movie is full of surprises.
The best part is when Mike, having figured it out, said, "Oh, you are a bad pony. And I'm not going to bet on you." If you
look at the history of femmes fatales, they've always been good-looking and ladylike, but not Lindsay Crouse. Her
character perfectly matches the title of book she wrote: Driven.
All in all, Joe Mantegna steals the show in House of Games which is one of the best written pieces by David Mamet.
8/15:
"Oh, you are a bad pony. And I'm not going to bet on you."
It's the most famous line of House of Games which is probably the best film made about confidence games. There are many
twists and turns that make it unpredictable. When I think of House of Games, I think of Joe Mantegna. It's a
wonder why he wasn't nominated for an Oscar. He's brilliant and convincing as Mike.
It's not hard to understand why Lindsay Crouse's Margaret Ford was taken with Mike because he's a fascinating character.
Many critics had dismissed Lindsay Crouse's performance, but I think she played her role to perfection and
elevated the film fully by serving as a witness for the audience.
All in all, David Mamet is one of the best in the business when it comes to the art of storytelling.
House of Strangers (1949)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
12/15
12/15:
If there's a prime candidate for the prelude to The Godfather,
it's House of Strangers.
Richard Conte is Michael Corleone, Edward G. Robinson is Vito Corleone, and Luther Adler, Paul Valentine, and Efrem Zimbalist,
Jr., are amalgams of Sonny, Fredo, and Tom Hagen.
What makes the film work is Joseph L. Mankiewicz's screenplay despite the heavy inundation of silly Italian traditions of family,
love, and food. The last fifteen minutes neatly wraps up what it's all about. However,
Max's love for Irene isn't believable. He has more chemistry with the other girl (Debra Paget) who's better-looking.
All in all, House of Strangers has its share of ups and downs, but it works out well in the end.
The House of the Spirits (1993)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
3/15
3/15:
The House of the Spirits is a sweeping epic about Esteban Trueba's family that spans four generations.
Although the film is absorbing to watch and has a multitude of layers, it's beset by many problems. First of all, I'm
confused in regard to the setting of the story. Is it in Mexico? Or Spain? Or somewhere in South America? It's not clear
because I'll like to know the historical circumstances that are responsible for the political forces causing the
family's strife. Eventually, after some research, it's Chile (like I would guess).
I can't help but feel dismayed by the casting choices. It's why I brought up my confusion about where the story took place
because the lead cast is made up of white thespians who don't speak Spanish and are too American to play Latinos.
Therefore, more than half of the cast shouldn't be in the movie.
Starting with Meryl Streep, she's overage to play somebody in her twenties. It's more suitable to have a look-alike
in her place to take care of this phase, and then she can take over during the rest of the film. Otherwise, she's
okay but doesn't do much for me. Ditto for Glenn Close. But she is somewhat terrible as the spinster and it's hard to say if
her character should've been younger or a much older woman.
Winona Ryder has never been a good actress, and there aren't many performances in her career that stand out. Her looks are
what got her parts in Hollywood. Winona Ryder isn't convincing in The House of the Spirits for a minute. Her
role should've gone to somebody else who's actually Latina and, more importantly, believable. Additionally, based on her
clothes, she looks modern which adds more to my confusion whether or not the movie takes place in California.
Antonio Banderas is a proven poor actor, but he should've been good here by playing a strictly Spanish-speaking character.
It's unrealistic for him, as a union organizer, to address the peasants in English. He's also underdeveloped, being
neither mysterious nor compelling enough to be a serious threat to Esteban. So, I'm disappointed.
Vincent Gallo does a good job of playing the second most interesting character behind Esteban. Unfortunately, he doesn't have
enough screen time to serve his own dish of irony. I want to see him come to a full circle and make his father
pay for the rape of his mother. This almost never materializes because he ends up torturing his half-sister which doesn't feel
like a payback.
Finally, we come to the best of the show: Jeremy Irons. I like his performance as the highly moralistic yet
hypocritical Esteban due to his huge super-ego, and he's the only one who has any depth. He put in a lot
of work into his character who's a hybrid between Heathcliff of Wuthering Heights and Charles Foster Kane of
Citizen Kane. That's why everybody else, acting-wise, struggled to keep up with him. There's not much of chemistry
among them, either.
The biggest problem of the entire film is lack of depth. Most players don't show appropriate emotions when reacting
to certain situations. Instead, they have an unconvincing expression which is a blank face.
There's no gist to make a point of why things happen even though there's a short explanation at the end, but the
movie is so long that I've stopped caring anymore which is the other trouble.
To my surprise, there's a scene of the granddaughter eating Kentucky Fried Chicken for dinner. Also, the film can do
without telekinesis and clairvoyance because they don't contribute much to the story overall. Clara's ability to make
prognostications is confusing many times. The reason why I'm bringing it up is that she should instead take advantage of
her powers to prevent bad things to happen. Yet she lets them anyway. Hence, it's a pointless aspect.
All in all, Como agua para chocolate got everything right, making for
a suitable replacement for The House of the Spirits.
House of Wax (1953)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
8/07
8/07:
Oh, Michael Curtiz, wherefore art thou?
I miss the two-strip Technicolor feel. Everything about
Mystery of the Wax Museum was just perfect, a true horror
picture. House of Wax. Jeez, what a clunker.
It's a major snoozefest, and I couldn't fight the overpowering urge to fall asleep. Is it just me, or does Vincent Price
have a fetish for being in movies that have the word "house" in the title?
My sole thought while the guy in a tuxedo was playing with the paddle-ball was to take the ball and shove it down
his throat. Why didn't somebody do the same thing? Of course, it's meant to be a dazzling 3-D gimmick, a fad
that ultimately didn't pan out.
All in all, House of Wax should melt in a bath of wax.
The House on 92nd Street (1945)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
5/14
5/14:
I'm not going so far as to call The House on 92nd Street a film noir picture because it's not.
It's more of a semi-documentary about espionage activities concerning the Nazis and not a good one at that. I've been both bored
and annoyed by the awkward back-and-forth switches between Hollywood and docu-realism. None of the characters is
believable, and the cast makes it apparent that they're acting on a soundstage. Anyway, don't forget to buy war bonds on
your way out.
All in all, The House on 92nd Street is an average propaganda film that was engineered by a crossdressing FBI director,
overshadowing the fact that its attention was diverted from true national problems such as the Mafia, drugs,
and racism that would ultimately plague the United States for decades.
The House on Carroll Street (1987)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
12/12
12/12:
If Emily Crane was found in contempt of court, then why didn't she go to jail?
That's what I was thinking the entire time while watching The House on Carroll Street. I have no idea, either, if she's
a communist. Instead, I'm taken for a tedious ride to unravel the mystery that will obviously reveal the identity
of the Nazi war criminals who escaped from Germany. But hey, is it an old story already? Even the poor German exchange
student who was stabbed in the stomach is forgotten after a while because nobody cares.
The idea of an FBI agent willing to help a communist is extremely unlikely. Even more so is he falling in love with her for
who-knows-what-reasons and then going along with her in the chase. While at it, he insouciantly tracks an alleged bank robber
and then returns to the girl in a matter of seconds. Hey, is it supposed to be a common practice for two FBI agents to
tag-team while on surveillance for many days?
Also, think about it: how is it possible that Emily finds luck by spotting the place that houses Nazi war
criminals and then connecting it to the senator? Eventually, Miss Daisy is written off after Emily breaks into the
suspicious house. On the other hand, Mandy Patinkin's senatorial character with the shined-up short hair would've had Emily
killed to make things easy right from the outset, but he didn't do it, forcing me to watch this Hitchcock wannabe for
another 100 minutes.
All in all, skip The House on Carroll Street and keep on walking.
House on Haunted Hill (1959)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
10/06
10/06:
Boy, House on Haunted Hill is a real letdown considering the interesting premise and the upstart introduction.
The tension is built up for sixty minutes, reminding me there are six hours left until the end of the day, and then
quickly takes a leap over the finish line in mere fifteen minutes.
Contrived acting abounds, the storyline is nonsensical, and there are many silly scenes. Let's take a look at the ending.
There's a hole in the basement, and it's full of acid. So, shouldn't the strings on the skeleton be eaten away? Elsewhere,
why isn't the frightened woman curious as to who might be the puppeteer?
All in all, House on Haunted Hill doesn't work in the horror department.
House on Haunted Hill (1999)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
11/06
11/06:
After seeing the stinker with Vincent Price, I was hoping the remake of House on Haunted Hill would be better.
Boy, how wrong I am! It deserves a place in my Worst Films list. I hate every character and can't make heads or tails on what
the story is supposed to be about. Chris Kattan, goddamn...what an awful performance.
All in all, anytime you see the words House on Haunted Hill and it doesn't matter which version, just run away and
never look back.
The House on Sorority Row (1982)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
5/15
5/15:
My feeling is that all slasher films are virtually the same.
Case in point: The House on Sorority Row. It takes place at *gasp* a sorority house, and the formula is
*gasp* exactly the same as Black Christmas.
At the beginning, I'm shown the scene of a mother delivering a stillbirth. Yet twenty years later, the son is alive?
The words "sorority" and "prank" do not belong in the same sentence as it usually leads to criminal charges. Predictably,
that's what happened here.
Because the party is so, so, so important, the sorority sisters attempt to cover up the crime by throwing the deceased in
a five-foot-deep pool that's full of green filth and hoping her body will sink, leading me to make a rock-solid conclusion:
these girls are that fucking dumb! One of them, en route to the sorority party, is a blonde who wears a nice, sexy black
dress, showing plenty of skin. Evidently, she looks tad overdressed. Hence, she should perhaps think about saving it for the
Oscars or, better yet, a snorting party for cokeheads.
It's obvious who the lone survivor will be. However, the longer her character survives, Kate McNeil's acting grows worse as
her face has become ghastly-looking. If I'm going to sit through a film for a long time while watching the masked killer to do
his worst, then I should see his face after all. But the satisfaction has been refused. Hence, I'm going to say, "Fuck you," and
give the movie a '3'.
All in all, if everybody is a coward and a murderer, what do I care if they're being killed by a homicidal maniac?
The House on Telegraph Hill (1951)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
11/15
11/15:
The House on Telegraph Hill is too inflexible for an enjoyable murder mystery flick.
In many ways, it's a rip-off of Alfred Hitchcock's Rebecca and
Suspicion and Orson Welles' over-the-top
The Stranger, which were produced in 1940, 1941, and 1946, respectively. Hence, I'm seeing nothing new here.
Meanwhile, it's hard for me to root for the female protagonist because she's a fraud, having no legal claim to the
inheritance. I was actually with Alan Spender (Richard Basehart) to expose her identity and be together with the
governess.
I know I'm being manipulated when the director wants to force me to follow a path, making me think a
certain person might be the murderer. Yet in The House on Telegraph Hill, it was actually him the whole time.
After the cat has been let out of the bag, the momentum dies afterwards.
Anyway, an interesting trivia is that after Richard Basehart's wife died of brain tumor, he met Valentina Cortese on
the set for the first time and married her not long afterwards, but they divorced nine years later.
All in all, The House on Telegraph Hill is a predictable rip-off of several well-known films.
The House That Dripped Blood (1971)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
10/17
10/17:
Here's something interesting for the Halloween season: The House That Dripped Blood.
It may be the earliest film I can recall that takes the form of anthology. There are several others, but I haven't seen them
yet. This one, it's definitely in the vein of Hammer Horror pictures with three returning main stars: Christopher Lee,
Peter Cushing, and the floating Ingrid Pitt with black strings on her back.
The first segment, "Method for Murder," is the best of them, yet it's frankly old hat with an incomprehensible
conclusion. It stars Denholm Elliott who may have been mentally disturbed forever afterwards as evidenced in
Raiders of the Lost Ark and
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. He was probably thinking of Dominic in these films.
However, the next three segments ("Waxworks," "Sweets to the Sweet," and "The Cloak") aren't good, showing
redundancy with poor acting, limited creativity, and lots of cravats. So much more can be done with them; that's why
the colorfully photographed Hammer Horror pictures have a lasting reputation for telling solid stories.
What shocks me the most, which is the main reason why I wanted to see The House That Dripped Blood in the first place,
is that there's not a single drop of blood the entire time. In fact, the film was originally slated to receive a 'PG' rating which is
much deserved, but fearing harm to its box-office returns, the producers asked for an 'X' rating and subsequently got it.
Maybe the most interesting, which is a curio, is the use of a framing device to allow a secondary character
to narrate what happened in the house despite not having been there at any point in time. Now, how the hell would he know?
All in all, The House That Dripped Blood is a decent horror film, but don't be fooled by the title like I was.
The House Where Evil Dwells (1982)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
5/20
5/20:
I randomly picked up The House Where Evil Dwells, thinking of it as another haunted house picture, but didn't
realize the story was going to take place in Japan.
That being said, the introduction threw me off, and I was like, "Huh?", needing to pause the film to make sure that it's
going to involve an American cast. After a while, I began to see the connection, so yeah...things did make sense after all
despite the weird but scary-looking giant black spider crabs.
The ending is okay, but it loses me for good. I think, somewhere there, a different direction could've been taken for a more
satisfying finish. After hearing the history of the house, the husband makes no mention of it to his family for a
while? That's strange. I think they have the right to know.
Apart from the supernatural stuff which is done rather well through an old German camera technique called "Shauftausen,"
I can't stop thinking of Edward Albert as Perry King. What an uncanny resemblance they have of each other. It's too
bad that Edward died of lung cancer at age 55 after taking care of his eponymous actor father for ten years until his death at 99.
Back to the film, Edward Albert makes the plot work, and he has a good screen presence and is fun to watch. His
counterpart, Susan George, is okay, but her uneven tan throws me off a lot. Once again, she's nude after appearing in
Straw Dogs; is that all there's to her acting career? Speaking of Susan George's character, she comes on to
Alex (Doug McClure), and he does nothing to dissuade her? Some friend Alex is to her husband despite getting a nice-looking
but haunted Japanese house on the cheap for them. I expected more from him given the strength of their bond.
All in all, a cheaply made American-Japanese haunted house picture, The House Where Evil Dwells isn't terrible.
How Stella Got Her Groove Back (1998)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
3/18
3/18:
The trouble with some black films is the pervasiveness of black attitude.
People just don't like it, and quite frankly, I don't, either. It's usually the death knell of a black film. Hence,
How Stella Got Her Groove Back has been hard for me to swallow at times. When Whoopi Goldberg's character died, I
didn't care. In fact, I also preferred Stella's two sisters to meet the same fate. They add nothing but negativity.
On the other hand, one reviewer on Amazon got confused and said, "I was unclear when exactly she [Stella] lost her groove
and when she re-discovered it. Her groove level seemed relatively stable throughout." It's a point well-taken because Angela
Bassett looks absolutely stunning throughout, even for a 40-year-old woman.
I like the movie because of the believable story which made big waves in 1998. It features fine acting by Angela
Bassett and newcomer Taye Diggs who's the most memorable and unbelievably handsome, notwithstanding the
fake Jamaican accent. It tries to be shocking by putting them together, but the reality is: Taye Diggs was 13 years Angela
Bassett's junior and it's only a rich, driven black female falling in love with a black guy from an affluent family despite
his "pool boy" status. Had he been poor hailing from a third world country, the situation would be totally different.
All in all, the sizzling hot pairing of Angela Bassett and Taye Diggs is the reason to see How Stella Got Her Groove Back,
but the rest of the film is tough to put up with.
How the West Was Won (1962)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
11/08
11/08:
How the West Was Won is a so-called Western epic that runs far long, clocking at nearly three hours with many songs
thrown in.
Altogether, there are probably two exciting action-packed scenes, and that's it. The story, which spans several generations,
goes nowhere. Looking at the names of the cast, I'm like, "Heck, why not throw in some more like Marlon Brando, Jack Nicholson,
Clint Eastwood, Charles Bronson, Alan Ladd, Burt Lancaster, Ben Johnson, William Holden, Steve McQueen, Paul Newman, Robert
Redford, Dean Martin, Emilio Fernández, Robert Mitchum, and Roy Rogers? This will be greatest cast ever in the history of
Western films."
But don't be fooled by the all-star cast although it looks impressive. Really, more than three-fourths, individually,
have a total screen time that's shorter than the lifetime of a mayfly. And is this the quickest John Wayne performance ever?
On the other hand, it's a three (is it four or five?) part picture with each of them seemingly unrelated to one
another. Going through each, I was like, "Okay, I am lost. What did just happen? Is this the same person?"
When I initially played the movie, I thought there was something wrong with my DVD copy because I saw lines separating the film
into three. It turns out back then it was called Cinerama with every scene being shot by not a single
camera but three separate cameras (or was it a three-lens camera)? It was eventually discarded due to high expense and the
awkwardness of dealing with such technique.
All in all, How the Sleep Was Won is more like it.
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
6/08
6/08:
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days is probably the twenty-fifth time going around the block for Matthew McConaughey when
it comes to romantic comedy films, and I'm getting sick of it.
There isn't much new between this and Failure to Launch, only that the girl and the plot are changed. Matthew
McConaughey is fine, but then again, practice does make perfect. So, when will he go back to dramas where his talent lies in?
I don't like Katie Hudson who plays a shallow and unrelatable character like her friends. So, what do people,
besides those who read worthless fashion magazines; live in upscale, posh communities; and have no concept of anything
that resembles the real world, see in her?
All in all, How to Lose Me in 10 Minutes is what happened.
Howard the Duck (1986)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
3/10
3/10:
Howard the Duck was a massive box-office failure back in the 80's, and everybody made fun of it.
Watching the movie again, I can see why. Occasionally, there are funny moments, but the rest is a mess. It isn't
terrible, but I lost interest after Jeffrey Jones went bat crazy. No question, the grossest scene is when Lea Thompson
was about to commit an act of bestiality with the duck. What a nauseous moment.
I read the back cover of the DVD case that Howard the Duck was "one of the most talked-about
movies of all time." Really? I hadn't heard a peep since it came out twenty-four years ago.
All in all, what a disaster Howard the Duck is.
Howards End (1992)
Rate:
3
Viewed:
10/10
10/10:
After seeing A Room with a View for the second time, I played Howards End with great apprehension.
Of course, my worst fears were realized. Not only is the film bad, but it's also worse than the former. I haven't seen acting
this pretentious since The Age of Innocence. Although there's nice cinematography, the show kept
getting worse and worse, and I had to take breaks to slow down the decline of quality.
The story is boring, the characters are one-dimensional, and the subplots fail to grab my interest. Not much of what's
going on is connecting; eventually, they've become pointless. Also, there's nothing to like about the themes as they're
hard for me to relate to.
Back to the acting, it's painfully obvious that everybody was attempting to recapture the feel and decorum of the
early 20th century English society, but they're all pretending. If Howards End was filmed during the 40's, it
would've worked out because the players could do it easily. But it's just fake...fake...fake...fake.
Nonetheless, I like the costumes, the cars, and the set pieces which have me thinking, "Maybe, that's the point of the film:
the look." One reviewer on IMDb said, "When Leonard Bast couldn't catch up with Helen in the rain, I knew we were in trouble.
All he had to do was run. Then, when she goes indoors, he waits outside in the rain and gets soaking wet. Why not ring the
doorbell? When he finally gets inside, there is a question as to which umbrella it is that Helen has stolen. Wasn't one of
them wet?" Yeah...I thought so.
All in all, Howards End should've been retitled as The End of Acting as We Know It.
The Howling (1981)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
5/03, 12/08, 3/22
12/08:
Ah, more werewolf films...zzzzzz.
The Howling is no exception as it's more of the same as shown in Wolfen and An American Werewolf in London.
The acting is standard, but I've never been a fan of Dee Wallace. Her real-life husband, Christopher Stone, looks like
Tom Atkins.
The plot is basic, leaving no room for creativity. To best sum up the premise, it's
Invasion of the Body Snatchers on
Friday the 13th campground with werewolves for peapods. No wonder why
Kevin McCarthy made a cameo appearance.
Apart from the naked bimbo, the werewolf transformation is the only good thing going. Taken from IMDb, one commented: "There
are numerous werewolf references scattered throughout the picture, but I've been bored stiff to care looking for them." Amen.
All in all, The Howling is a by-the-numbers werewolf flick with not much of a story.
3/22:
The only reason why The Howling gets any respect is the landmark werewolf transformation.
Before that happened, the filmmakers would either have the actor wear a wolf suit or shoot the scene frame-by-frame while moving
or adding something one at a time which was slow and laborious. Enter Rob Bottin who took over Rick Baker's job
after he left for An American Werewolf in London. He created the werewolf effect by using "air bladders under latex
facial applications to give the illusion of transformation." It was the beginning of the modern werewolf film cycle for
the 80's.
Unfortunately, The Howling is a boring movie with numerous wolf references and the weakest possible climax for the
finale. Dee Wallace isn't bad-looking, having been paired up with her real-life husband Christopher Stone. However, when
his character died at the end, there's no proper closure. Ditto for the adultery. Several legends appear: John Carradine of
The Grapes of Wrath, Kevin McCarthy of
Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and Dick Miller of
A Bucket of Blood who retains his old character's name: Walter Paisley. Some of them are named after real-life horror
movie directors.
The quality of writing is noticeably high because of John Sayles who has a terrific cameo as the morgue attendant. Terence H.
Winkless may be credited, but it's Sayles who rewrote the script competely which is the reason why Dick Miller comes off
looking great. There are terrific lines as "Honey, you're from Los Angeles. The wildest thing you've ever heard is Wolfman
Jack. This is the country" and "You can't tame what's meant to be wild, doc. It just ain't natural." John Sayles will go
on to do way better stuff than this.
It's interesting to hear various alternative therapies reeled off by Donna which are as follows: assertiveness
training, E.S.T. (Erhard Seminars Training), T.M. (Transcendental Meditation), scientology, iridology, and primal scream. The
first is learning how to be confident or communicate in a confident way while the second is described by The Bad Fads Museum:
"If you are insecure or unhappy with your life, you need to allow someone to verbally [sic] abuse and degrade you
until you feel you are of no value—then you can be rebuilt into a useful member of society." The third is sitting
twenty minutes twice a day with eyes closed while the fourth is a duh, the fifth is looking into the person's iris of the eye
for any health issues, and the sixth is basically screaming your head off. Every one of them has zero empirical evidence in
terms of effectiveness and therefore can be written off as, at best, waste of money and, at worst, dangerous.
All in all, to take on The Howling is to witness the state-of-art werewolf transformation; otherwise, it's average
as horror movies go.
Howling II:
Your Sister Is a Werewolf (1985)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
12/08, 3/22
12/08:
Howling II: Your Sister Is a Werewolf, as the title implies, is supposed to focus on the sister part but
instead discards it and, if I follow this correctly, goes after the leader of the werewolves.
Bordering between soft porn and horror with passable special effects, the editing is weirdly done, throwing my
attention off. Elsewhere, the acting isn't good, and even the overused Christopher Lee can't save the movie.
As the popular legend goes, werewolves can only be killed by silver bullets, but not this one as they're now superseded by
titanium daggers. Back to the sister part: she doesn't look like Dee Wallace in any way, shape, or form, That's when I had been
confused whether the sequel picked up where the original left off or was simply a different film in its own right.
The song lyrics are pathetic, making my viewing experience worse than necessary. In fact, the infamous
closing credits, with Sybil Danning repeatedly taking off the black sleeveless shirt to flash her boobs, is probably meant
to paralyze me into staying longer for the worthless music video.
All in all, Howling II: Your Sister Is a Werewolf is a horror farce.
3/22:
Upgrading my rating from '2' to '4', Howling II: Your Sister Is a Werewolf is an infamous horror movie for one
and only one reason: Sybil Danning.
Seventeen is the number of times that she rips her top off at the end. Why? I suppose it's to force me to stay for the
insanely stupid rock video. *Sybil rips her top off* Really, I don't even want to know the name of the band or *Sybil rips
her top off* the frontman with the retarded sunglasses. Sybil Danning wore hers because she had conjunctivitis
the entire time of the filming.
The editing isn't bad, *Sybil rips her top off* but there's an occasional shot every ten minutes of either the
concert or a sex orgy. *Sybil rips her top off* Sometimes, it's been both. They do nothing but add fuel to the runaway
disaster the film has become. *Sybil rips her top off* At least, there are nice shots of Czechoslovakia; then again, who can't over there?
An actual WWII hero in Czechoslovakia, Christopher Lee injects some respectability by staying *Sybil rips her top off*
serious *Sybil rips her top off* about the task on hand. Why did he do it? *Sybil rips her top off* Lee claimed to have not
done a werewolf film during his career. That's weird because I thought he did a couple for Hammer Horror. *Sybil rips her top off*
Now, he can check it off on his bucket list. Playing Ben, Reb Brown truly looks and acts like Ryan O'Neal.
At the beginning, when Christopher Lee showed the videotape *Sybil rips her top off* of what happened at the end of
The Howling, the house was full of ancient Mayan symbols. It's the Ennis House, a residential dwelling located in Los
Angeles ("The City of Angels" if you don't know what the city name means...*Sybil rips her top off*), that was shown in
Blade Runner and
The Thirteenth Floor. By the way, the videotape footage is horrible and certainly
not the work of Rob Bottin. *Sybil rips her top off*
Some werewolf rules have been altered this time. Instead of silver bullets, titanium daggers must be used to kill
those beasts. Hm, interesting. *Sybil rips her top off* I went WTF when the midget told Ben to wear ear plugs (aren't
they teeth?) because they were supposedly holy. He would later clumsily lose them and die from hearing the horrible werewolf howling.
Garlic is needed for protection, but I thought they were for vampires? *Sybil rips her top off* I don't really understand
this: if Stirba was over 10,000 years old, how could Stefan be her brother if he wasn't been a werewolf to begin with? *Sybil
rips her top off* If Stefan has special powers, then what is he then?
All in all, Howling II: Your Sister Is a Werewolf will always *Sybil rips her top off* *Sybil rips her top off* have
a place in my Famous Bad Films list.
The Howling III: The Marsupials (1987)
Rate:
6
Viewed:
2/15
2/15:
I hated the first two films of The Howling franchise because they were poor excuses to show off the wonderful
special-effects laden werewolf transformation.
However, what makes The Howling III: The Marsupials different is that it has *gasp* a story. Now, it's misleading
to label the sequel a horror picture because it's not. Rather, it's fantasy and somewhat of an epic at that.
For a B picture with a no-name cast which was produced in Australia (hence the word "marsupials" in the title), it makes for a
decent viewing. There are a lot of things going on to advance the plot, and it can be thought-provoking at times in terms of
species preservation. Sympathy is drawn for the werewolves who are being hunted down because they're perceived different from
human beings.
It gets better when the characters grow up and achieve milestones in their lives although I'm not sure about the award
show ending. Meanwhile, the straps placed on the werewolves for overnight observation at the hospital bother me because
it'll make more sense to use metal fetters which are tougher to escape from. Apropos, I like the touch of one director
showing an uncanny resemblance to Alfred Hitchcock.
All in all, as much as I hate watching films about werewolves because I find them boring,
The Howling III: The Marsupials finally grabs my attention, thanks to the plot.
Hud (1963)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
6/20
6/20:
Hud spends two hours telling me the titular character cares about nobody but himself.
Wow, consider me enlightened...not. The trouble with the dark, depressing, and sometimes maudlin film is that it feels like a play
with lots of melodrama. Getting to the bottom of the issues takes a while, and by the time I'm finally there, all I can say
is: "That's it?"
As for Hud, he isn't the problem; it's the father who's an unsupportive parent, causing Hud to be who he is. Hence, Lon is
too idealistic to understand what's going on. Maybe he'll figure it out when he grows up some more and goes through some tough
Texas living (whatever that means).
By far the most interesting subplot is the foot-and-mouth disease outbreak. I
can't say anything negative about the remedy because it's a highly contagious disease with no cure that continues
worldwide to this day. In spite of it being mostly nonfatal, livestock slaughter is the primary means of
controlling the epidemic. By the way, the United States hasn't had an outbreak since 1929.
Thanks to his deep blue eyes, the impeccably dressed Paul Newman looks great in black and white and gives a solid performance;
I have absolutely no complaints about him. He made a lot of stride in terms of acting since
The Hustler. But Brandon
deWilde, who was perfect in Shane, looks miscast as he sticks out like a sore thumb while everybody else belongs in
the film. It's difficult for me to look past him and get on with the show.
Three Oscars for Hud? I have to say Patricia Neal gives an ordinary performance. She won Best Actress, if
you can believe that when it's at best a supporting role, while her co-star Melvyn Douglas was actually in the leading role.
His character is nothing new. Ward Bond or Walter Brennan, anyone? On the other hand, the black-and-white cinematography is average.
All in all, Hud takes too long to make a hollow point.
Hudson Hawk (1991)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
12/14
12/14:
"Catch the excitement. Catch the adventure. Catch the Hawk. Bruce Willis. Hudson Hawk."
What'chu talkin' 'bout, Willis? I hadn't seen it until now because of its absolutely notorious reputation.
But I never knew how bad the movie was until I saw it. Ladies and gentlemen, with my eyes rolling...yes, it's truly awful.
What the hell was everybody thinking?
Bruce Willis, with all of his four gold looped earrings, actually thought he could write a story? Ha, what a laugh! It's
impossible to follow the ridiculous plot or what everybody is doing or saying. Basically, anything goes in spite of
rationality.
There are many actors and actresses in the cast who have small thespic talent, but it's Sandra Bernhard who takes the
cake for having virtually none. Director Michael Lehmann did other stinkers including
Heathers, Airheads,
and 40 Days and 40 Nights before being permanently assigned to TV gigs. I wonder if he had connections in Hollywood
which enabled him to skip a lot of rungs on the ladder. Oh, yeah...Bruce? Just one thing: wipe that stupid smirk off your face.
All in all, Hudson Hawk is a gigantic piss stain on Bruce Willis' career.
The Hunger (1983)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
10/11
10/11:
As soon as I saw Tony Scott's name as the director of The Hunger, I knew right away what to expect: an arty
experimental film with schizophrenic camera work, random shots, unrelated scenes, and an incomprehensible story.
Well, it turns out that I was correct. That's the Tony Scott I know. Once again, fans of Susan Sarandon will get to see her naked.
Fans of Catherine Deneuve will get to see her suck Susan Sarandon's nipples. And fans of David Bowie will get to see him becoming
old really fast while losing his hair.
I won't classify Bowie's role as a big one, but it's more of a cameo. Speaking of it, how about Willem Dafoe? Every
time the little girl is shown, she looks almost like the boy from Morte a Venezia that Dirk Bogarde's character was
stalking. As far as the plot goes, it's a substandard vampire flick but with weird detours from the usual vampire behavior,
rituals, and routine.
What works the best is the cinematography, the acting, and the interesting storyline in relation to the rapid age degeneration.
And then for some reason, that last part stops short of playing a big role. In a way, it's almost like
watching a pre-AIDS movie before the virus was fully realized in 1984 or thereabouts.
All in all, The Hunger is a pretentious soft-porn mess lost in the haze of extensive cigarette smoke.
The Hunley (1999)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
9/21
9/21:
TNT produced pretty good Civil War pictures during the 90's, and one of them was The Hunley.
It's an interesting slice of U.S. history. The forty-foot long H. L. Hunley submarine was the first ever to sink a
warship which was the USS Housatonic on February 17, 1864. Afterwards, nobody knew what happened to it, and the
submarine wouldn't be sighted again for 131 years.
Of course, the Hunley was primitively made with many flaws, especially the escape part. Hence, the undertaking was
suicide for the crew, resulting in near total loss of lives including the inventor's in three tries. The first two were on
a trial run, and the third occurred during the fateful mission.
The filmmakers didn't know it back then, but after the submarine was raised in 2000 from the ocean and then examined, the
researchers found that the entire crew died instantly at the moment when the bomb went off during the attack of the USS Housatonic. It's an important point
because the hatch could be easily opened once the submarine was almost filled with water in order to equalize the pressure on both
sides. When it sank, the depth was only twenty-seven feet. In the film, the Hunley was shown to be ten percent roomier than actual.
Another discovery, which was made in 2001, was the $20 gold coin carried by Lieutenant George E. Dixon which saved his life
during the Battle of Shiloh. The inscription read: "Shiloh. April 6, 1862. My life Preserver. G. E. D." It's somewhat but
not quite bent as shown in the film. They also found the crew's bodies inside the submarine, and Dixon's hair turned out
to be sandy blond, not black.
It's a good piece of acting by Armand Assante. Donald Sutherland has his moments as General P.G.T. Beauregard and almost looks
like him. The rest of the cast is kind of silly but serves as a filler to stretch the film to meet the proper running length.
Yet everybody's function in the submarine is fascinating. The H. L. Hunley is now housed at a museum in Charleston,
South Carolina.
All in all, The Hunley is Das Boot of Civil War pictures.
The Hunt for Red October (1990)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
1/03, 6/25
6/25:
Outside of the James Bond franchise, The Hunt for Red October is Sean Connery's most famous film.
When it comes to submarines in cinema, most people will think of this one and
Das Boot. Nearly coinciding with the end of Cold War, it begins with
the excellent story that's cleverly crafted by Tom Clancy for the first novel of his career. Hence, there's
no reliance on CGI bullshit. Yes, the dialogue can be technical at times, but the important points get cleared
up in a while.
What a cast...it's super strong: Sean Connery, Alec Baldwin, James Earl Jones, Sam Neill, Scott Glenn, Joss
Ackland, Richard Jordan, Jeffrey Jones, and so on. Obviously, Sean Connery looks the part of a Russian
submarine commander, having been cast at the last minute when Klaus Maria Brandauer dropped out. On the other
hand, for the role of Jack Ryan, I can't see Harrison Ford in The Hunt for Red October, and I can't see
Alec Baldwin in Patriot Games and
Clear and Present Danger. It's funny how such things work out.
The latter was a small-time actor hitherto, and this is the one that shot him to stardom.
If there's a negative, it's the editing that can be careless in places, causing no follow-through or several
players to disappear for a while. An example of what I mean is when Jack Ryan decided to drop into the ocean and I
expected the Navy to do some work to rescue him, but it's cut off with Jack Ryan being safely inside the USS
Dallas afterwards. Nevertheless, as long as the movie ran for, I was never bored.
All in all, there aren't that many intelligent pictures just like The Hunt for Red October.
The Hunted (2003)
Rate:
1
Viewed:
2/08
2/08:
Uh, I thought First Blood had already been made?
Although my expectations for The Hunted were set a bit high, the mimicry features a couple of four-star actors giving
one-star performances. In other words, it's a dud. About three minutes into the film, my mind had tuned out. At the half-hour
mark, I was saying, "Where the hell is the story?" Five minutes prior to the end, I exclaimed, "Whaaaaa...it's almost over?"
Nothing is explained, and there's no plot. There are many editing problems with rough transitions from one scene to another.
I wasn't aware of this, but as the closing credits began to roll, the director turned out to be William Freaking Friedkin!!
What the hell happened to him?
Tommy Lee Jones should've stole the line from his Oscar-winning character by screaming, "I don't care!!!" during
The Hunted. It'll be a perfect touch. His co-star Benicio del Toro's acting is amateurishly pitiful. It's
a long fall from what he did in Traffic.
All in all, The Hunted is a big revelation.
The Hunter (1980)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
11/06
11/06:
Looking like death, The Hunter is the final film of Steve McQueen's career before dying of cancer at the age of 50.
The majority of the time is spent on Papa Thorson chasing bad guys. It's boring. On the other hand, the character buildup and
the feel of the story have worked out well. Then, the film seems unsure when it comes to the finish.
I have no qualms with Steve McQueen's acting and the way he handled his role because that's exactly how I expect him
to perform. It's just too bad that he had to go out this way.
All in all, Steve McQueen's final career performance makes The Hunter worth watching.
The Hunters (1958)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
7/24
7/24:
After the critical success of The Enemy Below, Dick Powell and Robert Mitchum
decided to do another military picture, and this time, it's called The Hunters.
This is Top Gun before there was Top Gun almost three
decades later. Remember that The Blue Max hadn't come around yet. The use of Air
Force jets and its counterparts is certainly nice which includes a video footage of one actually crash landing on the
runway. Nothing seems to have been faked. At least this time, there's a real war going on: the Korean War.
Looking handsome as ever, Robert Mitchum turns in a solid performance. May Britt is a bonus, and the romance between their
characters is convincing. Carl Abbott (Lee Philips) is stupid not to want her. Robert Wagner is better than usual
and says the funniest slangs while Richard Egan makes a strong showing as Colonel Dutch Imil. I'm surprised at the act of
heroism shown by Major Cleve "Iceman" Saville when he didn't have to.
All in all, if you liked Top Gun and The Blue Max,
The Hunters won't disappoint.
The Hunting Party (1971)
Rate:
9
Viewed:
5/20, 12/20
5/20:
The Hunting Party is the kind of film that starts off okay and then gets better and better before it ends brilliantly
well, offering philosophical gems to look back on.
If Gene Hackman was a bad dude in Unforgiven, he's a meaner and more sadistic motherfucker here. His character's
message is pretty simple: nobody fucks with him or steals anything from him. It doesn't matter if he views his wife as
mere possession. Do Brandt wrong, and he'll come at you with single-minded intensity.
But it's Oliver Reed who steals the show. I don't think many women will complain of being kidnapped and then raped
by him as long as he's nice at the end. Playing a character who's ultimately taken over by Stockholm syndrome, Candice
Bergen isn't bad herself. They both have good chemistry and, in their quiet way, succeed in turning
The Hunting Party into a romantic picture.
There are montages that remind me of The Wild Bunch, but the key difference is that the latter is a poetry
of violence while the former is focused on brutality. By arriving at the ending, I think back to what
had transpired. It's a sign of great director. So, kudos to Don Medford for pulling off a fine picture.
Of course, it's easy for me to say Frank Calder's gang should've stopped running away from the posse and developed a
plan by breaking up into two with one of them going after the hunters. However, let's not forget that he didn't know how to
read and thus couldn't be too bright himself, hence the kidnapping-rape of Brandt's wife. Therefore, it's an angle that needs
to be taken into consideration when evaluating the film as a whole.
All in all, The Hunting Party is a tough, gritty, and brutal Western with men reduced to their base forms.
12/20:
Filled with Peckinpah-like brutality, The Hunting Party is the sort of film that keeps getting better and better.
Without doubt, it's Oliver Reed who steals the show. What a gifted actor he was, especially when it comes to using his eyes
to convey character. If not for him, The Hunting Party won't have worked. The ending is incredible and devastating
all at once which shows how far gone Brandt Ruger is. Gene Hackman will play the same type of character in
Unforgiven, netting the second Oscar win of his career. It's all about the psychology, and he's perfect.
All in all, The Hunting Party is a brilliant Western picture with a powerful performance by Oliver Reed.
The Hurricane (1999)
Rate:
7
Viewed:
12/03, 1/24
1/24:
What I remembered the most when The Hurricane premiered in 1999 was a shocking article that I read which enumerated
many lies coming from the film.
In other words, the whole story about what happened to Rubin "Hurricane" Carter had been completely fabricated by Hollywood.
So, why did everybody believe they could get away with it? Didn't they think it would be a lot easier to change the names while
making the tale strictly fictional? That way, nobody would look stupid.
Imagine yourself as Joey Giardello, a world middleweight champion who once defeated Sugar Ray Robinson, watching the film
one day and be totally surprised at being handed the hard-fought decision by the bigoted judges when he won it fair and
square while he was ahead a lot in points. He would later sue the filmmakers who ended up settling the case outside of court.
By the way, their fight was the beginning of the decline of Carter's boxing career.
An all-white jury? Right, yeah...the second jury had a couple of blacks, yet the boxer was found guilty. A black bondswoman
raised the money to win a retrial for Carter, and he, an abusive alcoholic who loved vodka too much, paid her back by
beating her up which ultimately lost him support of the gullible celebrities. Even the media turned against him. Did you like
that cool gesture Denzel Washington made to Mae when he told her to divorce him while putting his kissed hand on the glass?
Nope, it's the other way around as he was constantly cheating on her.
Think that Denzel Washington looked great in his airborne uniform when he showed up at the bar? Well, Carter was, in fact,
dishonorably discharged after he got slapped with a court-martial four times. A violent man who often bragged about
beating up and shooting people, hence the nickname "Hurricane," he was found guilty of three muggings and thus sent to prison.
Wrongfully convicted? Uh, right. Carter took a lie detector test and failed it. So, he was offered a second chance to clear
his name but refused to take it again...four times. His car did fit the description of the getaway car, and it contained two
bullet shells which matched those found at the crime scene. During the first trial, there were alibi witnesses in favor
of Carter, but it turned out, in the retrial, that he bribed four of them and that they admitted it on the stand. At the end, the
prosecution declined to retry him for the third time because it was so long ago, some of the witnesses had died, and Carter
was nearing his parole date.
Della Pesca the racist detective who had it bad for Carter? The person never existed in real life. No evidence was suppressed;
on the contrary, it was actually overwhelming against Carter. Alfred Bello lied? During the second trial, he admitted on
the stand of being promised $27,000 by Carter to recant his testimony. As a last-ditch effort, his defense team
judge-shopped until they landed Lee Sarokin who had a reputation as the nation's most liberal judge. Ergo, the plan
worked, and Carter was set free.
Anyway, it's a good performance by Denzel Washington, but he relies too much on acting tricks to make himself look cool. The
story is obviously inspiring, but then again, it's full of lies with rip-offs from Raging Bull,
especially during the
boxing matches. The first half is certainly strong, but the second is made implausible by taking advantage of the flimsy
detective work when I was thinking that if everybody had looked at the case so many times how could they have missed the obvious?
All in all, it's okay to like The Hurricane, but don't be fooled by the dishonest storytelling.
Hush (1998)
Rate:
5
Viewed:
5/25
5/25:
Hush looks the part for a suspense thriller but rarely lives up to it.
Often reminding me of Rosemary's Baby, it doesn't go there but rather
focuses on the possessiveness of a mother over her son. Where director Jonathan Darby makes the fatal mistake
is not developing relationships to the fullest. Instead, he skips ahead in the timeline. As a result, the film
becomes more and more banal.
Jessica Lange and Gwyneth Paltrow give competent performances as Martha and her daughter-in-law but have been
undermined in the final thirty minutes. The air simply runs out for the former while the latter is made to look
ridiculous by giving a summation that's typical of Agatha Christie's stories. Even Johnathon Schaech is too
cardboard to make his character worth caring about. He might as well never exist.
The look of the mansion, along with the surrounding land, is interesting. Martha claims that she doesn't
need any help, but how can she possibly keep up with the maintenance? She'll have to clean the inside, mow the
grass, shop for food, work with horses, dress up and put on makeup, and so on. That's exhausting for one person.
In the meantime, why would Martha allow her daughter-in-law to be in danger of losing her baby if that's what
she wanted all along? Therefore, I don't get the motive anymore. How is it possible the
daughter-in-law, who's probably in eighth or ninth month of her pregnancy, can keep running and falling
down for so long and yet deliver a healthy baby at the mansion just in time?
All in all, Hush is the film to avoid if Jessica Lange is on the record by calling it a "piece of shit."
Hush...Hush, Sweet Charlotte (1964)
Rate:
4
Viewed:
10/21
10/21:
Starring Bette Davis and directed by Robert Aldrich, What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? and
Hush...Hush, Sweet Charlotte run for 134 minutes and 133 minutes, respectively.
They're both very long, and nothing happens until the last half hour. Too much melodrama and cheesy acting pass for a great
deal of time in Hush...Hush, Sweet Charlotte. I kept waiting for a point until one was finally provided by Olivia de Havilland's character
which saved it from sinking further to receive an intended rating of '2' from me. For a play, Robert Aldrich did much better
with The Big Knife.
Taking the same old crap from Bette Davis for more than four hours is insane. Even worse is the shrill performance by
Agnes Moorehead. It's simply awful. How she was ever nominated for an Oscar, I'll never understand. It's interesting to see a
couple of well-known actors in small bits before they'll hit big: Bruce Dern and George Kennedy.
The Maltese Falcon's Mary Astor wraps it up by appearing in the final film of her career.
Joseph Cotten is okay, having learned a thing or two from Gaslight to play tricks on Charlotte, but it's Olivia de
Havilland who steals the movie because she's the only real character. It's certainly something different coming from her.
Imagine Olivia going from Melanie Hamilton the saint to Miriam Deering the scheming bitch. The role was meant for Joan Crawford,
but she got replaced shortly into the filming. Now, that would've been too much.
All in all, cut the fat out from the first 75 minutes, and Hush...Hush, Sweet Charlotte can play better this way.
Hustle & Flow (2005)
Rate:
2
Viewed:
3/06, 11/07
3/06:
If you need a reason why that rap is crap, look no further than Hustle & Flow.
The lyrics of one song go like this:
"You know it's hard out here for a pimp.
Gotta couple hos workin on the changes for me.
It's blood, sweat, and tears when it come down to this shit.
I'm tryin to get rich 'fore I leave up out this bitch."
Yeah, okay. Get an education. Oh, can't read or write? Well, then...welcome to prison. You really had a choice. According to
an article titled "Prisoners in 2006" by William J. Sabol, Ph.D., Heather Couture, and Paige M. Harrison, courtesy
of the U.S. Department of Justice, here are some sobering statistics:
"Black men represented the largest proportion of sentenced male inmates at year end 2006 (38%). Overall, black men had an
incarceration rate of 3,042 per 100,000 black men in the United States at year end 2006. About 1 in every 33 black men was
a sentenced prisoner. For white men, the incarceration rate for 2006 was 487 per 100,000 (or about 1 in every 205 white men)."
Like I said, get an education, and go to the library as often as possible. Pay attention in school, follow the directions,
do the work, pull up your pants, and always speak in the Standard English language to make yourself understood.
All in all, get out of here, Hustle & Flow.
11/07:
Hustle & Flow is cheesy with the worst lyrics ever.
I like the title and the look of the poster, but the film per se is horrible. There are many bad performances, and the language
is annoying to listen to. However, I have to give credit to the actors and actresses for mastering the lines. The plot comes
down to this: a black douchebag pimps gets his two malnourished women to help with his dream of becoming a rap artist which
means he's a "retard attempting poetry."
Whoop that trick? I guess. According to Criminal Practice Law Report, Dr. Phyllis Chesler wrote, "Prostituted women have long been
considered 'fair game' for sexual harassment, rape, gang-rape, 'kinky' sex, robbery, and beatings." A 1991 study by the
Council for Prostitution Alternatives stated, "78 percent of 55 prostituted women reported being raped an average of
16 times annually by their pimps and 33 times a year by Johns. Twelve rape complaints were made in the criminal justice system
and neither pimps nor Johns were ever convicted. These prostitutes also reported being 'horribly beaten' by their pimps an
average of 58 times a year. The frequency of beatings by Johns ranged from 1 to 400 times a year. Legal action was
pursued in 13 cases, resulting in 2 convictions for 'aggravated assault.'"
All in all, Hustle & Flow is garbage.
The Hustler (1961)
Rate:
8
Viewed:
11/12
11/12:
The Hustler starts off well, has a flat middle, and ends the same way as the beginning.
The middle part is the big problem because it's boring to sit through, causing me to lose interest in the characters. By
the time Fast Eddie and his girlfriend leave the apartment for the Derby, the pace is finally picked up.
The performances by Piper Laurie (who didn't act again in the next fifteen years) and George C. Scott are excellent, being
the reason why the film is watchably good. Paul Newman is uneven: ranging from theatrical to good. He also shows off
Marlon Brando's
On the Waterfront/A Streetcar Named Desire persona. Thankfully, Newman would be more polished
by the time he starred in the sequel The Color of Money, winning the Oscar for Best Actor.
Although what seemed like a good acting job, Jackie Gleason, a legend in his own right, went by rep to nab the Oscar
nomination. The real Minnesota Fats stole the moniker from his character, not the other way around. Also, Jake LaMotta, the
Bronx Bull who's still alive today at the age of 91, has a cameo appearance by playing the bartender.
All in all, The Hustler is a decent picture.